Could somebody who is introverted please help me out a bit?
I'm an extroverted girl dating introverted guy; I'm early twenties and he's late twenties. We've been together for three years.
During the whole relationship it's been pretty hard for me to accept this difference in our personalities and it's been a source of many fights since I literally don't have the need for my own alone time; I never get tired of socializing or people. For example when I'm sick or sad or anything negative, I love to find some company to take my mind off of it or a friend to listen/take care of me while he's more likely to need even more space than usual when he's down.
I understand that this is not something I can change about him and it's not something that is a dealbreaker to me. We've been able to compromise pretty well.
But I would like to understand what an introvert feels a bit more than I do now. Sometimes I can't help but feeling that it's about me; that if he really loved me he would want to spend every waking second with me - that's how I feel, at least. I try to give him the space he needs but sometimes I don't understand the extent of that and he might find my constant texting intimidating even though the way I see it is that if he feels like responding he can do that and if he doesn't, I'll wait. We have such a different boundaries that they are bound to clash sometimes and that's why I would like to understand introversion a bit better and get over the feeling that him appreciating alone time a lot is about me.
So, as an introvert, how does this personality affect your life? How does it make you feel? How are you in a romantic relationship and do you feel different about your SO than you do about other people? What are some things I might consider doing for him?
Thanks a bunch!
>>16997140
How does being an extrovert affect your life, you fucking freak? What does it feel like to be what you are instead of something totally different that you don't understand?
Fuck off with your stupid questions.
>>16997140
>Sometimes I can't help but feeling that it's about me; that if he really loved me he would want to spend every waking second with me
Depending on why he's introverted, it could be that... Some people just have bad experiences with other people. They learn not to show too much affection or get too close.
He could be worried he'll be a clinger and scare you off.
But as an introvert, a pretty severe one desu, I wouldn't just jump into a relationship with anyone. That's one more annoying person who'll expect me to go out or do stuff with them.
One more person who'll bother me or text me while I'm watching something or playin' a game or just tryin' to mind my own business.
I wouldn't have a girlfriend.
I don't even bother with romance.
I doubt he's as bad as I am, but if he's actually in a relationship with you, it means he likes you.
Yeah, you annoy him and you're probably clingy as fuck and almost certainly way too touchy.
But if he's calling you his girlfriend, that shit's okay - shit he won't admit it but he probably likes it - makes him feel needed but the one person he needs.
>>16997140
I find it amusing how you can summarize your bf by one characteristic (introvert). That isn't how it works.
>don't have the need for my own alone time
Maybe you are too much clingy?
>if he loves me then he would want to spend every waking second with me
Clingy too much?
>my constant texting
Clingy.
So then lets see the other part of question. What is it like to be introvert?
First, see pic related. There are a lot of words. You can't just say I am introvert and that's it. :-)
Secondly, the most visible is Quiet / Passive. But that is usually towards unknown people... Even the biggest introvert can be super chatty when he is feeling secure.
So you work on not being super clingy girlfriend and maybe other things will solve themselves later :-D
>>16997140
I think what this is getting at is the fact that sometimes I'm just not in the mood for having any other living being around me. I'd just really like for everybody to shut the hell up and leave me to do my own thing for 4-5 hours.
It's not something that is specific to the person I would be spending time with. Doesn't matter if it's you, your boyfriends mum or a complete stranger - if your bf is like me he'll just want to be alone. Some people just work that way.
The thing that stuck out at me was the whole "if he loved me he'd spend every waking second with me." My gf is the same way; if I wanna be alone or do my own thing, then it MUST be because I'm sick of her. Truth is, people need a break from each other once in awhile. It has nothing to do with not loving you, but realize before you came along your bf had his own sense of autonomy and that's part of who he is. If you encroach on that too much he'll likely resent you. It sounds like you're doing the right thing: talking about it and giving him his space. When he wants to be distant, don't take it as slight against your relationship (as long as all his other behaviors seem normal). I couldn't stand when my gf got insecure when I wanted to be alone, it felt like she was only considering how she felt and taking away part of who I was. As an introvert, time apart helps me reflect because it reminds me why I liked being around that person in the first place, so don't fear it. If anything, letting me be alone made me appreciate my gf and love her that much more.
>>16997140
Being introverted and need for contact are different things. That being said:
I learned to hang out with people, I even love it. But after a day or two between them (not counting work/school), I feel "socially tired". I just need some alone/me time to do my own solitary stuff. There can be people around, but I just can´t pay all the attention to them. Think of it as excersise or going to a theme park.
It´s fun, you like it, but once in a while you need to stop riding those crazy rides and just relax.
For me, my SO is always in the first place, I try to be there for them as much as I can, but I still need my space. It´s not about them, it´s about me. But it is sometimes difficult dealing with them when they want to go somewhere all the time and the only choice I have to be with them is to go out with them (they don´t want to stay at home with me only)
Anyway introversion is a type of personality, but it CAN be worked on and shifted a bit. It takes time, even years of work, but it is possible. It´s just very gradual and needs to be comfortable.
>>16997204
Okay, thanks for the image - helped me understand the concept a bit more clearly.
I might appear clingy and i admit that sometimes I am but I should've specified that me not needing alone time means that I don't really mind spending all my waking time socializing. I have no need to recharge when I leave from a social situation or no problem spending the holidays with a house full of relatives with absolutely zero privacy/own space - I've literally shared a room with 5 people for four days and I really enjoyed the company.
I meant that being with him all day every day wouldn't be a problem for me but that's not something I expect of him - we both have our own lives too and I have loads of other people to interact with. He's not responsible of keeping me entertained and most of the problems this causes are due to me not understanding his personality since it's so different.
>>16997140
>But I would like to understand what an introvert feels a bit more than I do now.
Well, I can tell you what it's like for me, not sure how well it generalizes.
Some shrink said the main trait of introversion is having a "rich inner life". For me that means there is always something going on in my head. I'm always thinking about a book I'm reading, or some code I'm planning to write, or how society would be different if everyone know magic was real but most people encountered it only very rarely. It never stops, though books/movies/hobbies/work can all guide it in a particular direction for a while.
But you can't carry on a normal conversation while simultaneously thinking about secret government monster-hunting agencies or whatever nonsense. You have to actually pay attention to the conversation and the people you're talking to, and think of things worth saying. For me that means I have to sort of restrain my default train of thought, and make it mostly follow a particular direction instead. This takes a little bit of effort. If I'm just talking to one person, and it's someone I know well, then it's not much - the conversation's easy to keep track of, and moving in directions that are at least somewhat familiar to me. Larger groups mean more to keep track of, and the conversation may go in a direction I wasn't expecting, so it's a little bit harder to keep my train of thought on track. All this adds up over time, and eventually I'll be too tired out to really function well until I have a chance to get some sleep or otherwise unwind.
Not sure this wall-of-text gives quite the right idea, but whatever, it's a start.
