Hey adv,
When I was a HS girl I was sometimes shy/sometimes overly confident with guys and the people I was interested in weren't interested in me that way.
When I got to college I must not have been appearing available enough for people to show interest. Or maybe I wasn't interesting. Unknown. Anyway...
I will now explain a scenario that has repeated several times...
The guy is a little shy/nerdy, and if I complemented them, made them feel comfortable being themselves, they fell for me fast and hard.
The issue was that he didn't measure up to the guy I'd always dreamed of, he was the low hanging fruit, and I'd start to pull away.
It would break him, he'd back off one way or another, and I'd start looking for a new guy.
It almost feels like I'm some kind of social vampire, who brings to the surface all of these raw emotions for the guy, and then I leve them there to deal with it.
I had a long and rocky relationship with one guy.
I feel like the only people that give me attention are the ones that I can't be 100% with, and the ones that ignore me I can't be with at all.
I do this both with real life relationships and online ones. I love the part where I turn the guy on like no one has before, make him the happiest he's been in years, but once he's there...my work is done, he doesn't need me because he has more confidence and I can't rely on them to adore me the same way as before.
The lack of attention when I was younger also scarred me, making me feel like I wasn't worthy of having a person I was really interested in.
Also there was the issue where I felt ugly/unattractive. Having a guy dote over me does make me feel attractive and does make me feel more powerful. When we start getting comfortable those emotions go away though.
I feel existentially lost. I feel like there's no room for me to be who I am, I'm just a mold of what other people want. And there's also no way to make me happy, even if you gave me everything I said I wanted, it wouldn't be enough because I don't know what I want.
When my ex told me he loved me, I didn't even know how to love him.
I'm lost. It was my excuse for everything I did that he didn't like. It was the reason I couldn't commit and the reason I could never be his perfect girlfriend.
I also have an exceedingly hard time letting go of people; even when they hurt me (like my ex did: raping me, holding me down to get answers, and yet I still stayed with him).
I collect relationships basically. When one person lets me down, I have someone to turn to, someone else. When someone stops appreciating my body, I have someone to admire me. When they stop seeing how sweet I am, I have someone to appreciate my gestures. I have many online friends and frankly many male friends who would be interested in me if the timing was right.
I want to break out of the cycle, but I don't even know where to start.
Think about what you really want in a relationship. Then go find it.
I thought you guys liked giving advice...
Wait until someone crushes you. Don't worry it will happen. Then you'll either empathize or become a vindictive bitch.
This is all over the place.
Stop disappointing people.
Stop disappointing yourself.
Some women are just addicted to this kind of attention.
I fell for a girl pretty hard too and she rejected me, but I was a man about it and just dropped her out of my life.
Lo and behold some time later she's checking me out and acting nervous around me, ignoring girls drive them fucking crazy, you become all they think about.
Stop playing the game, re-evaluate yourself.
>>16996751
The issue is that I have no idea where to start.
I know how empty I feel when I'm all alone, and I know it crushes me into debilitating depression if I'm dumped.
holy shit bitch please kill yourself
you're fucking up peoples lives and making them feel bad for caring about you
please die soon you are a very bad bad person
I don't think that she's a bad person, just delusional
>>16996550
>not appearing available enough
How does one even appear available?
Guy or girl, I'd just love even a single hug.
