Sorry if this one's a bit tl;dr, I just felt compelled to really detail the whole situation.
Part 1:
So there's this girl i've been hanging out with for the pat year or so. She's a very busy person between college and her work, but the few times we managed to hang out were some of the most enjoyable experiences i've ever had with a girl. (and i've dated quite a few times prior to this) Things started with not much more than a physical attraction and the fact that I briefly knew her during high school, but I quickly joined the club she was trying to start and over time my affections grew. We hung out several times and before long I grew more serious about my feelings for her. But unfortunately i'm really prone to getting drowned in my negative thoughts, I lack initiative, and I get depressed easily. I never found the "right" opportunity to properly ask her out. After a while she started declining my invitations to hang out more and more often, accumulating to me "giving up" on her and the club I helped her foster for about a month. I didn't speak to her during that time.
But eventually I decided that I was done running away from the issue, so I called her up and asked once more to hang out. She accepted, and on that night I told her everything about how I feel about her. She was surprisingly accepting of everything, though she ultimately declined. She said she WAS interested at one point but was put off over time, a part of the reason being my lack of initiative. Despite that, I was pretty happy since we finally started hanging out regularly again, there was no awkwardness between us despite what she now knew, and I held out hope that if I played my cards right then I might be successful in earning her affection.
>>16993303
Part 2:
But just yesterday, the club which we started (that now had a good 10 or so members) went on a trip to a math conference at a university in LA and the beach afterwards. The beach trip was fun as hell for the most part but at the end of it, one of her male friends got pretty drunk and her and I decided to help him to the car. While walking, he started talking to her about how one of his friends was really into her, and wanted to ask her out.
Without a second thought she gave him full approval to have his friend ask her out, and they started talking about the guy (who she'd apparently dated before). Even though I was right next to her and she KNEW how I felt about her.
I went home alone, slept for 14 hours, and now that i've woken up I simply can't be bothered to do anything. At all. Not even play video games, draw, watch movies or whatever. I've never felt this upset over a girl.
She's going to graduate in a few weeks when the semester ends and move on to university while i'm still at community college. She's immediately going to be asked out by that guy her friend mentioned on Monday and she's going to accept him. When she graduates she's going to get embroiled into the university life and i'm guaranteed to be forgotten.
She's probably the closest thing to my ideal girl that I will ever meet, on every level. Her looks, her personality, her positive-but-not-naive disposition, her hobbies. Everything was just SO ideal for me. I've genuinely never met any other girl that i've found more attractive.
And she's going to get a boyfriend and completely forget about me within the next few weeks.
I'm at such a loss right now. I really just don't know what to do with myself and this situation.
Damn I feel bad for you dude, I think you're just going to have to take it as a learning experience. Next time you have to take the initiative if you feel that strongly about a girl, I've been in a similar situation as well.
You can alternatively try asking her out. But she said that line about how she was interested but then lost it when you didn't try anything. I've talked to a lot of females and they always say once they lose interest, it's gone and it's impossible to get it back. So that might be too late.
>>16993452
Yeah, if I'd asked her out when I first decided that I liked her a lot (which was after a series of several dates (movies, hiking, etc.)), things probably would've gone better. But I was too obsessed over doing it at the "perfect" time, which of course, never came along. And now I just kind of feel like an asshole.
>>16994254
yeah i know that feeling all too well bro. all i can say is learn from it and make sure it never happens again, make your feelings known EARLY. The perfect time that we make up in our heads rarely ever comes in, you just have to take the initiative and pick a time and do it.
>>16994555
Yeah, I get what you mean. I'll keep that in mind later on.
Honestly it wouldn't be such an issue if not for the fact that, again, she was THE closest thing to my ideal girl. Obviously I wasn't perfect for her, but she was perfect for me. I really feel like I just won't be able care for another girl in the same way, and this whole thing just feels like such a massive loss.
I dunno maybe i'm just overreacting since the whole thing happened so recently.
I guess the best thing I can do now is to just not be a jerk over the whole issue.
At the very least I want her to acknowledge that the conversation she had hurt me, since she knows how I feel about her. Something like "hey are you okay after all that" would make me feel a lot better, but I feel like it isn't going to happen, and I don't want to press the issue, especially not right now considering my state of mind.
Sorry bro, shit sucks. But if she was going off to university anyway, it might not have worked out.
At least you told her how you feel, good on ya.
>>16993307
My best friend nearly went away to college recently too, mate. I was hit pretty hard when she told me she'd be leaving next fall, but thankfully she changed her mind somehow and I don't have to deal with her being gone.
I did, however, have to come to grips with her leaving at one point. As I told myself, I'm just going to have to man up, focus on school and my career, keep in touch, and hope for the best.
>>16993452
I don't want to give you false hope, but in my case, I've known this girl for like 6 years, and she had in an out phases of attraction to me for a year or so till we started dating. At one point she even said she'd never date me untill college was over.
You've got slim chances with her. Go focus on your studies and make yourself a marketable man for when she returns
>>16994616
Yeah, I think that's what i'm going to try to do. Try my best to keep in touch, work on improving myself, and hope she comes around eventually.
She'll still be living in town and likely won't be moving away soon as far as I know.
But the problem is that she's kind of hard to keep in touch with even now. She doesn't do social media stuff and is only reachable through her phone, which occasionally fails to receive text messages correctly. My best opportunities to talk with her are face-to-face, and i'm worried that things will fall out after she graduates.
Even if I can't date her I still want to be her friend. I want to still be there for her.
