>still in high school
>doing not so well
>family is having hardships with money
>they know I can't get in unless I get a scholarship
>pretty much no future after highschool
>thinking about ending it all after graduation
>I want to make music but parents won't believe in me

File: image%3A235604.jpg (55 KB, 500x596) Image search: [Google]

55 KB, 500x596

>>16992098
You don't need parents to believe in you to succeed in music. Music is beautiful as long as you love it and are serious. What's stopping you?

>be me
>never experienced pure and true love directed back at me. Only one way.
>high hopes are only led to disappointment
>no motivation or discipline to work towards my goals and future.
>failing university will ruin my life
>nothing good going for me, no true friends
>bonds dissolve easily, I can only relate to myself and few fellow autists on the Chan of 4.
>planning to take a one way trip to aokigahara
>all I've ever wanted is something genuine

>>16992098
OP here. I'm sorry to hear that. It fucking sucks to be failing in high school and to have financial troubles at home on top of it. It makes the home a living nightmare. I kind of went through the same thing. My parents got divorced, mom went through money problems, I was in my freshman year and I got suspended so many times for bullshit. My life was a mess and I couldn't get my shit together. The one thing that kept me going was my interests and extra curricular focuses.

I know you didn't ask for any advice, but the one thing I would advise is if you have any hobbies/a thing you're passionate about is to invest in it as much as you can now. It's always better to start earlier to begin scratching the surface on what you like and hone in on what makes you attracted to it. I knew what I liked in high school, but I didn't have the foresight to understand WHY I liked it, to focus on that and become better at it. When you have that focus, it cuts away all the bullshit for a little while and gives you more grounding.

>>16992054
Anon, you only lose at life when you give up. You're still here, even though you're feeling like this. You're strong as fuck.

My story:
I've attempted suicide twice as a result of a myriad of mental health issues. Been hospitalized three times for suicidal ideation as well. My last depressive episode ended around october last year and ever since things have been looking up. I've started taking new meds, am working out and I even made some friends (mostly in therapy group, kek). I am looking to convert to Buddhism in the near future, and my biggest accomplishment is that I lost two diagnoses.

I'll most likely relapse in a couple months as my remaining disorders are persistent and chronic, so I'm working hard on learning to deal with them healthily and to stop relying on unhealthy coping mechanisms. I still get suicidal thoughts multiple times a week, but I can cope. I love life.

tl;dr recovery is possible, don't lose hope

>>16992152
Thanks man, you sound pretty strong yourself. Something I forgot to mention about myself: I go to therapy 1-2 times a week, including group therapy. I won't lie, making friends at therapy is probably the easiest (not sure if it's the best) way to make friends. What better way to find common ground if not by having anxiety and self-loathing.

You sound like you're going in a good direction right now. I have a lot of faith in you, bro. Just hang in there. From the way you wrote this, you sound like you've already won.

My story: first thought about it in 6th grade. Now in med school. Still consider it daily, with few exceptions.
It's pretty funny that i'll probably end up being the successful, handsome doctor that femanons dream about, yet still not be one little tiny bit happier than when I was that lonely, nerdy kid with no friends spending lunch in the library.
Nothing fills the void. Not sex, not drugs, not exercise, not art, not music, not games, not a goddamn thing.

Only reason I'm still going is because I know that we make incredible breakthroughs in medical science on a monthly basis. With my luck, someone would come up with the cure to whatever's wrong with me the very fuckin day after i kill myself, so I'm holding out. We'll figure out how to fix all this shit eventually anons, those of us in our teens and 20s will live to see it.

>>16992116
>nothing good going for me, no true friends
>bonds dissolve easily, I can only relate to myself and few fellow autists on the Chan of 4.
>all I've ever wanted is something genuine
same

>>16992054
>graduating college in a month
What major? Got a job lined up?
>> Second time a kind nice, young woman talked me out of my drunken state by telling me her mistakes around her twenties with me and shares a pizza with me.
Fucking great man, that's the kind of story people travel around and tell high school students in motivational speeches. Gives you a seed from which to regrow your lost faith in humanity.

>>Trying to get my drivers license. Fail the test
I feel you, i've still got a learner's permit in my wallet. I just hate cars, and I'm so absent-minded that deep down i'm pretty scared of hitting a kid or something, would be awful.
>everyone thinks it's a waste of money
>So I can only depend on them to teach me to drive, but they aren't consistent with me
Most men are too proud to admit they can't teach their son/grandson/nephew/little bro/etc to drive. Don't let them waste your time, go to driving school.

>>16992098
>>they know I can't get in unless I get a scholarship
Damn. You never know until you actually get the offer though.
Know that many colleges pledge to meet 90-100% of federally-determined need, and you;ll usually qualify for at least the federal loans (perkins, stafford, etc). In-state schools usually have big discounts for resident students, so look at those first.
Also see if you can qualify for special non-need-based (ie if you're a minority, genius, etc).
Then there's algorithmic-based aid (based on SAT/ACT, GPA, and sometimes class rank, all of which you can still change), which can make a big difference: i got $5,000-$10,000 of that from half the colleges I applied to and almost nothing else. On top of that, some state systems use algorithms for automatic admission and aid.

i know you didn't ask for advice but i'm not very good at "there there anon, it'll be all right".

>>16992098
Please, for the love of humanity, don't quit music. I would give anything to not have quit the piano for more 'serious' pursuits. Your family will grow in distance as years go by, but there will come a day when you will need to show the universe who you are, and on that day neither words nor STEM will suffice.


Everyone needs to make fucking art. Or at least some people do, and if you want to make a living by doing music, then I imagine you are one of them.

>>16992218
The risk about making friends in group is that unfortunately, difficult people clash often. And when they clash, hell breaks loose. Two of the friends I made have BPD and I have it as well; I realize I'm walking a thin line. Then again, there's no one else I can open up to about my issues as much as to them. It's a breath of fresh air to be able to casually discuss topics such as antipsychotics, hallucinations and self harm without anyone judging you. These friendships are a double-edged sword, but keep enough distance between you and them and it might just work out perfectly.

If I may ask, what are you in therapy for? Also thanks man, I have faith in you too. You're actively discussing your problems which means you have fighting spirit. It's not too late yet.

>>16992480

Depression. Low-key for suicide. It's become a hassle to go because it's getting slightly annoying to hear all of the stock answers from the lead therapist, but i've been doing it so long (a year) it's become a part of my weekly routine.

Have you ever hooked up with anyone from group? I'm kind of afraid of the consequences that'll never be the same.

>>16992224

Film production. I'm building my own production company to house my work. I'm doing an internship at the Cannes Film festival next month. After that, not sure. I have a few friends who can put in a good word for me in at some dope companies, but nothing is promised.

Her showing up was like divine intervention. I was pretty drunk when she came to talk to me. A few minutes into our conversation the train came by and she got me off the tracks. If it wasn't for her, i'm not sure if I would be here right now.

Same here man, absent minded like a motherfucker. That exact thought has scared the hell out of me. But I work on so many film/video related projects a year now that not having a car/valid license at this point really puts me at a disadvantage. I know for a fact that my mom is a shitty driver and instructor, but I know that I need more road time without cleaning out my pockets for driving school.