>>16991822
>death anxiety

I have this problem as well.

I'm always afraid I will die the next day, and I'm not strong enough to defend myself from an attack or slip away from an accident.

I've been like this for over 15 years, and its not stopping.

>>16991845
Every stupid, embarrassing and idiotic thing I do feels like I'm being a horrible parasitic piece of shit who isn't allowed to be near people at all.

I feel like this every day but I don't want to, I can't help it. I need to suffer more and more every day just for being born.

>>16991822
I've had death anxiety throughout most of my life. Began when I was around 6 or 7. Many times it got to a point where I couldn't function. Fucked up my grades, fucked up relations I've had, etc. I tried getting help several times but nothing worked.

Someone recommended meditation (vipassana/mindfullness) a couple of years ago. I cringed at the proposal because it sounded like some New Age bullshit. Tried it because why not. Haven't had any death anxiety since.

Don't know if it will work for you, but it was the only thing that worked for me. Good luck.

>>16991822
I always feel the need to combat my anxiety by being prepared.

I'm only in my 20s, but I know my parents death and grandparents death are going to happen soon. I feel like the best thing I can do before they die is be completely independent from them. It feels like the rush is on to get a career and a home for myself.

For my own death, I feel the same. I bought life insurance so I can at least have a funeral without burdening my family financially.

I remember I always wanted to die before people I loved die. So I wouldn't have to deal with their loss. But then I realized how selfish that was. Over the past few years, I've just accepted how inevitable death is. And that helps me cope with it somehow. And the least I can do is prepare my life to not leave this world with burden.

My parents told me that when I was 2 I couldn't sleep at night because I thought I would die. It went away and flared up again years later, together with the heaviest existential crisis I had ever had that, together with a depressive episode, landed me in hospital.
What saved me was Buddhist philosophy, as simple as it sounds, and in particular thelazyyogi.com. Take a look at his answered asks, there are plenty on this particular topic.
I hope you'll be able to get out of this.