I've got a brother who refuses to have a mature relationship with me, or the rest of our family. He's 28, I'm 22, and to this day he still resents me and acting like an adult. When I walk past him though the house he will hiss at me. When I say something a little boring or obvious at dinner he becomes upset, as if I've ruined a fine intellectual conversation. He belittles our mother, and calls her crazy even though she's depressed from having been through several major medical problems, the deaths of three family members, and the mental illness of a relative in the past seven years. When our dad does him a favor, he's dismissive. How can I get him to stop being such a crap bastard, or at least get him to treat people with a bit of goddamn respect?
He fucking hisses at me, crying out loud
Have you tried smacking him, in front of your parents, hard?
>>16989839
He's too fat for that to work with out a physical implement, and I don't want to hurt him. I just want him to stop being self absorbed and disgusting
>>16989850
Do you think he behaves like a child because he has been hurt to much. Probably not.
Pull his shirt over his head and unload onto his skull. Don't worry, he'll be fine later that day.
If he wouldn't lesson, and wouldn't talk - the line has to be draw.
Then you can ask him what's going on inside his head
>>16989825
>How can I get him to stop being such a crap bastard
You're kind of a simple fuck for thinking you can change him.
Your brother is a piece of shit burn-out, a waste of space. If you had a friend who behaved like him you would of abandoned him years ago, just because you're his family doesn't mean you're obligated to take his shit.
Your parents will never give up on him because he is there son and you can't possibly relate to that feeling so you're just gonna have to swallow that reality and accept it.
All you can do is move on with your life. You're going to encounter a lot more burnouts as you age so consider this practice.
>>16989876
Well, my dad does seem to be keeping him afloat by letting him live at home and drive his old car, so if he wants to deal with him, I can live with that. I just hate the fact that when I'm around him I have to accept him and I can't tell him what an awful person he is because my dad gets angry when we openly state how we dislike each other.
Also, if he's what a burnout looks like, then burnouts are depressing as hell.
Any explanation for why his friend, of less fortunate economic and social situation, is a much nicer person to me? He's seriously never said a mean word, and he's easier to talk to than my brother is because he isn't whiny or judging.
>>16989871
I don't even know what you're trying to say
>>16989825
He hisses at you?
Don't expect that you can change very much about him yourself. He might change if there is a major shift in his enviroment, like new responsibilities or a disaster, but he might just crumple. Don't underestimate how pathetic some people are.
It would help to know more about him.
>>16989876
It may be problematic to walk out off this one. He'll be their every Xmas and shit being family
But being family also gives you some unique options
>>16989898
>Any explanation for why his friend, of less fortunate economic and social situation, is a much nicer person to me? He's seriously never said a mean word, and he's easier to talk to than my brother is because he isn't whiny or judging.
It's because he's less fortunate that he's nice. Unlike your brother, he's probably dealt with hardship and bad/hateful people on a regular basis. When people are nice to you, it makes you really thankful. When you have to dig yourself out of a hole, instead of someone giving you a hand, you don't get upset over minor things.
Your brother is a spoiled piece of shit and your family is just enabling his bad behavior. He's not going to change because he doesn't have to.
>>16989899
He spends all day watching tv shows and movies when I see him
He used to spend a lot of time reading comics
I can't remember if he majored in film studies or general studies. He got shit grades second of year of college, and our dad made him commute from home for his third year
He's always seemed to get along pretty well with this friends, so it's not like he can't get along with people
I was naturally a little shit brother when we were younger, but we haven't lived with each other for years now, and he still hasn't calmed down.
He gets mad (more like exasperated) when I mess up a movie quote,or fact, or actor, ever since I was a kid and was forbidden by our parents from watching the same movies as him. When they didn't forbid it, he'd shoo me out of the room because he didn't want me bothering him. I think we only ever bonded when I was toddler and we would play with legos and bionicles together. Once he got into middle school I never really understood him
He does dishes because he lives at home with our parents, but refuses to (or maybe just does not even recognize that he should) walk their two dogs.
I think he's getting a job soonish, if he doesn't have one already. I only see him every weekend right now.
His hissing is less an emotional thing born out of any restment or frustration and just a really weird thing he does to be mildly off putting to me. It's not even that bad, but the fact that he does it at all is just... weird
>>16989941
>>16989941
Take my words with a grain of salt, but it seems like he has a bit of a flawed personality. He seems neurotic, lazy, and disagreeable. There's really no shortage of people like this. Personality traits can be inherent and very difficult to change.
I doubt he can change himself and I know you can't (no offense, it's the relationship you guys have). I think as I said before, something needs to happen in his life to change him, like responsibility or a crisis.
>>16989987
>neurotic
Well we do have a pretty large history of that on my moms side of the family, and it seems evident in myself and my other older brother as well, so I believe it
If he would just get a good paying job and not be so rude or weird he'd be alright to be around
>>16990001
He needs to be independent and hold a job. Being neurotic doesn't really help in terms of being kind. It's pretty obvious to anyone that someone in a bad mood is going to have a hard time being kind. Also holding grudges probably shows he's not very emotionally mature. In fact, overall you could characterize him as immature. He's 28 and basically functioning like a child.
About being weird, that's probably not going to change. It's possible he's not a very self-aware person. I wonder if he is insecure about his lack of success in life. He may very well not care, at least not by this point in his life.
But enough rambling. Changing him may not be easy. I doubt you can do anything. People are really really complicated and can be difficult.
>>16990001
Have you told him that the hissing is weird and he really needs to just knock it off? You may just need to be really blunt with him and make him feel embarrassed about it. Don't get angry, just treat him like what he's doing is childish-which it is really.
>>16990086
I suppose I could try that, but I'd rather save it for day where I have the patience to follow through with what comes after the initial exchange.
Seems to me that most of your brother's oddness lies in his comfort with his life, as he has been allowed to cocoon in perpetual adolescent security. His arrested development is rooted in the fact that he feels he won't ever have to achieve more than he currently has got going on underneath your parents' roof. He likely has a tunnel vision for his life that excludes any notable deviation from being supported and abetted by your parents forever. He likely has no future plans other than living off your parent's graciousness, and likely thinks he will be able to survive until he dies off whatever inheritance he gains when they pass decades down the line. Echoing what other anons have said, don't expect this attitude to change unless there is a major upheaval in his circumstances. There is nothing you are obligated to do to change this course of behavior, though I can understand why you want to. We all want to think our blood relations can achieve upstanding things. This one. . . It's hard to say. Could you give some
>greentext
anecdotes to give some more ideas about the bullshitty things he does?
>>16990444
To add on to this. You are younger than him, and you have achieved more than he has. In the sibling hierarchy, this automatically makes you resentable because you accomplished more at a younger age than he has yet to accomplish. I would not recommend that you try to change his attitude in any overt way. Any way at all that you try to directly correct him, he will likely react defiantly simply because you are younger by six years and cannot possibly know better than he does. This is dumb, I agree, but please remember that his brain may be stuck in a developmental age where he will remain dumb-thinking.
Your brother does not seem to be analyzing that where he is in relation to his expected accomplishments at his age reflects poorly on him, or else he is trying very hard not to let that affect his self esteem. Perhaps he resents the realization, and he is still doing nothing to change his situation but rather is lashing out at other people he'd rather place the blame on for his failure. Regardless of the reason, he is not advancing in his life, and that is the knowledge you must work with.
>>16989825
HISSSS
>>16989825
what most of these people are saying OP, beat some sense into him. Bash and criticize him, an dont hold back. the worst he can do is lock himself in his room. hopefully he'll come to his senses soon
