I know sex is just a small component of a relationship, but it is frustrating when my boyfriend and I want different things from sex. My boyfriend is getting pretty serious about our relationship but I'm not sure how to deal with our sexual compatibility.
>bf was my first bf (first kiss, etc.)
>been dating for 2 years
>bf has talked about wanting to marry me
>initially in our relationship he was really affectionate and wanted to be physical all the time
>now we are very close and in many ways I see him as a best friend
>however sex happens rarely now
>have a high sex drive and have to beg bf to have sex and he often comes up with excuses not to
>he mostly only gets turned on when I refuse him for some reason
>he started to say he think he's into raping me (half-jokingly, but it's honestly something I've noticed about him and I have started to pretend like I don't want sex in order for him to have sex with me)
>because of this, sex ends up being really frustrating
>bf can tell I'm annoyed and it bothers him now too because he doesn't like disappointing me
>now I'm worried because I love bf but I'm not sure how to fix this
I don't feel like it's fair to constantly pester my boyfriend about sex so I don't know how to deal with this situation. It feels like we're best friends but I wonder if he's even into me sexually anymore. It's only been two years and the sex is really starting to get to me. What should I do? Should I be concerned or is this normal?
>>16989176
OP, get off your computer and talk to your bf.
only you two can save this relationship
Sex does usually decline after some time, that is normal and why there are shit tons of books and online blogs about spicing things up.
My suggestion though is you both sit down and have a talk about the sex life, and you tell him honestly that it's really starting to effect you. Neither of you are mind readers, so you need communication going on.
Now, you don't need to fix this over night. Expecting a change in a day or even a few days puts a lot of pressure on your partner and might make him too nervous to try for fear of failure.
What me and my fiance did was both spend a good week or more figuring out what it was we both enjoyed in sex, what we may like or were willing to try, and what we didn't like AND wouldn't do-key issue there being a huge difference between dislike, and something you absolutely won't do.
You both are going to have to compromise a little and both will probably end up trying something you don't really like in order to please the other, so they in turn can do something they don't really like in order to please you, and hopefully you two will figure out more of what you BOTH like.
Sex is very physical and wanted at the beginning of a relationship because you both are so new and into each other, but it gets boring after a while. So now is the perfect time to start talking to each other, start ENCOURAGING each other, and figuring out other things you enjoy besides just plain ol vanilla.
Maybe it isn't even the rape aspect that your boyfriend enjoys, but maybe a little bit of bitchiness from your side, or simply making him work to get something he can't have. We all like to try to get what we can't have ;)
>>16989192
I did talk with him about it! It just seems to make him upset. Of course the two of us need to work it out together, but I was wondering if /adv/ had any insight into how to confront this issue.
>>16989195
Thanks, that's very good advice. I'm glad I'm not the only one going through this!
I particularly like your suggestion about how to approach the discussion.
I've actually brought this up with him before and it helped for a short time but I guess we need to think more about how to compromise. He is really into vanilla stuff but maybe I can try to delve into why he likes the rape aspect and find a way to work that into our sex life.
>>16989176
Sex is VERY important in a relationship, chances are hes not low libido, talk to him he may be thinking about leaving / doesnt find you attractive
something is up
>>16989291
Knew I was going to get at least one comment like this.
>>16989293
Yeah, I do think it's really important too. I don't know why he would be thinking of leaving when he keeps up bringing up the idea of marriage, but maybe you're right that he might not find me as attractive anymore.
>>16989176
Start taking his cock up your ass. Seriously, this will fix things.
>>16989414
This is a troll thread anyway
>>16989414
A good amount of sex is an important aspect of a marriage, things wont magically change. I dont really understand him
>>16989176
Your first bf is never your last, if you're incompatible just break-up, there's plenty of time for a "serious" relationship later.
>>16989436
I guess that makes two of us!
>>16989437
Well I think it wouldn't be wise to let go of my first boyfriend just because he's my first if he's generally great. No one is perfect, and other than the sex he's fantastic. If I could figure out what to do about sex, it would all be great. I just don't want to spend the rest of my life sexually frustrated.
