Child support
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
without being to judgmental, how can I solve this? What would be a best outcome without being totally ruined yet still trying to do right?
>be me - young chump, early 2000’s
>messing around, get X slut preggo
>have to move overseas
>X has baby, I fly back after delivery
>fly back across pond to work and send cash whenever
>mid 2000’s mother tries to help child, but X rejects
>time passes, loose contact with X, stop sending cash,
>no clue about X or child
>2016, moved back, get served with child support / court hearing
>feel like shit, cannot escape, child is teen now
>hire lawyer, says 4 years back pay likely, but more possible
>pondering life, could of made better choices
>a little depressed and stressed, probably deserve it,
>confused, can get fucked financially but want to move on too
>can forgo visitation rights, may do more bad than good at this time
>keep telling myself what’s next? my actions rippled and affected many people.
>>16988346
You have never been a part of the child's life, so I think it would be appropriate for you to waive your parental rights and terminate contact.
But the kid and X's situation are roughly 50% your fault, so I can't think of a legally or morally defensible way to get out of paying the child support settlement. I hope that wasn't what you were looking for (although I'm sure plenty of angry neckbeards will be happy to tell you to tell her to fuck off, I feel pretty sure that you know that isn't actually OK or justified).
My advice is to suck it up, get her the money the judge tells you to (and no shame in getting your lawyer to negotiate it down), and then sign appropriate papers releasing you from rights, walking away forever after that.
Sorry you have to deal with this. Sounds like a massive drag.
>>16988346
tl;dr: you're a total asshole
I recommend that you try to get some records down for whatever you have paid in the past and that you made a reasonable attempt to contact X before stopping payment.
I also recommend that you walk through with your lawyer on your finances - it is possible that the amount of child support you have been sending may be larger than what is dictated for your income.
>>16988346
If you have a boy, just at least warm him not make your mistakes and suffer as you have. Seriously warn him about this shit.
OP here. Thanks for that. Well, I know i probably will not get out of paying, and I would rather not anyway (more lawyer fees and time). But truth be told, I always thought X tried to ensnare me by getting preggo, not that that matters in court.
Right, so I was not part of the child's life and I'm up against the State if the child was/is receiving benefits, so although i'm OK with paying from now on, it would be tremendously devastating for me if they wanted backpay. It will be hard to prove any previous moneys that I sent to her, it's been such a long time sadly.
>>16988443
What child is going to respect advice from the father who walked out on him and never bothered to build a relationship with him? Get real.
>>16988530
>I always thought X tried to ensnare me by getting preggo, not that that matters in court.
You're right that it doesn't matter in court; it also doesn't happen as often as angry men think it does. Occam's Razor and common sense both dictate that the most likely situation is that she was young and dumb and screwed up, just like you did/together with you.
It's easy to imagine a lot of nefarious scheming ex post facto. But imagining prior malicious intent when it comes to bringing a child into the world is base and foolish at the absolute best. It's not easy enough to pull off that one has any right to assume it's a viable machination.
>>16988554
Well, who says the father actually walks out in most cases. My dad didn't and we were able to build something of a relationship afterwards, but actually learning from him and my mom about the bitter bullshit it was over actually had me quite angry with her for a while.
I am now dealing with the same thing that my mom did to my dad, and I assume that this will probably happen to my son, or even OPs kid if he doesn't intervene in some way or another.
Btw OP even if you try to find em the kid may appreciate that. Who knows what kind of mess your ex has raised them to be, but no matter how much time passes that'll be your time to at least try to matter if the kid isn't that destructive.
>>16988443
What is this warning exactly, are you guys using condoms or were they not enough?
I was not physically there (working overseas) and she was a slutty trashy girl who had another kid and was going through divorce at the time. (or separated). I was not ready and could have not been a father. Is it karma? Call it whatever you want, karma, the chickens have come home to roost, etc. I don’t know the extent of the damage I’ve caused, obviously kids with no dad have a chance of fucking up more, that haunts me. The more time passed, the easier it was to justify.
What can I do?
>>16988972
Occam's Razor is fucking stupid, f.a.m.
There's a huge number of situations that don't fit right into a neat little package, complexity is a -real thing-.
>>16989228
The warning is just to not have kids, don't marry, don't get duped into all of this silly shit. It's all just a bunch of lies that leads to financial, legal, and emotional headache. I don't want my son to be sucked up into that statistic. Based on his and my past and my fathers past and his mothers families past, things are not looking good for him
Thats exactly what this feels like...a bad statistic.
>>16989382
Fair enough. Life is indeed complex. Dumb young women are still more likely to accidentally get knocked up by dumb young men than they are to get impregnated on purpose to trap them into a life of permanent lower-class domesticity.
