I've been having suicidal thoughts for over a year now.
I hang out with people I dislike, I wear clothes that I wouldn't even look at and say things I don't really mean. I just wanted to have friends and be happy. Society taught me how to be successful but I'm not satisfied. I don't love my girlfriend - I have her because I don't want to be a loser.
My personality has died a long time ago - I no longer know what things I like and what do I want to do. I'm pretending to be an extroverted narcissist and it's extremely exhausting. It's more tiring than my job.
I'm scared about people's opinions of me. Every insult hurts even though I try to hide it. I can't do stuff like dancing or singing because I'm scared.
My body is a piece of shit - I managed to get fit but I still have a lot of acne and scars on my back. I have phimosis and there's no hope of losing virginity for me, even though I have a girlfriend. No, she doesn't know.
I'm extremely envious of other people. I can't endure the fact that someone might be more handsome or have more money. It hurts.
I might sound like an edgy teenager but I hate almost everything. People around me, media, music, movies, video games, art, sports and my future. I'm embarrassed by the fact that I was born in Europe and I will always remain a peasant in foreigners' eyes. Pretending to be a different person made me hate everything I loved. I feel like a materialist shit, because the only thing that keeps me going is my envy.
Is there any hope for me? I was thinking about moving to US but I'm scared of the fact that I will be a lonely yuropoor with bad english in a giant city full of americans.
>>16987699
nice b8
>>16987703
What do you mean, tripfag?
Damn you sound like you deserve every bit of misery that your insecurities have selected for yourself.
how old are you?
>>16987757
Turned 20 in February.
>>16987699
Well it's a good thing you're not going to do anything drastic about it. Shitty feelings suck, but fortunately you have the fortitude to make it through them, just like the rest of us.
Hopefully you don't think you're some special case who's especially depressed more than others can understand, because then you would be an egomaniac too. A depressed egomaniac. Happens all the time in this generation so I wouldn't be surprised.
>>16987775
I don't think that I'm a special case but I'm hoping to be a normal person
I want to enjoy my life
>phimosis
Talk to your doctor. Surgery is an option.
>self-loathing European
Stop spending so much time on americentric websites.
>moving to US
Don't. It won't solve your underlying issues. Fuck if I know how to solve those, though. See a therapist, maybe?
>>16987783
Congratulations, you're depressed. That makes you normal.
Enjoyment is not a permanent state of mind, and if that's what you're aiming for, a constant pleasant feeling, you're going to be necessarily disappointed, because you're seeking something that is not natural. Life IS a struggle, so learn to revel in your victories over fear and selfishness and depression and you can live a truly fulfilling life.
>>16987699
>I hang out with people I dislike, I wear clothes that I wouldn't even look at and say things I don't really mean. I just wanted to have friends and be happy. Society taught me how to be successful but I'm not satisfied. I don't love my girlfriend - I have her because I don't want to be a loser.
OP if you're actually doing a serious repost and not just funposting, do yourself a favour and don't use the same word-for-word post you used the last time.
>>16987800
>Talk to your doctor. Surgery is an option.
Circumcision?
>Stop spending so much time on americentric websites.
4chan is the only americentric website I visit. I start hating my country even more everytime I turn on TV or see some nationalist teenagers on the street. Spending time on national websites and having to do with nationalists made me hate my country.
>>16987825
Okay, I thought that it perfectly described what's happening in my life.
Also this time I got more serious advice.
