>>16986772
You just gotta greet him like how you would greet any other individual. He chose not to be in your life, so he doesn't deserve the full father-son respect. Don't hate him or anything, and don't be afraid of what he'll say or what excuses will be heard. Just know that you're you, continue to be you. If you fear possible answers, you'll end up getting no answer at all. Add him and communicate with him.

>>16986783
Thanks for the reply. It's helpful hearing someone else's input. Time to grow some balls and get this over with I guess haha..

>>16986772
I'm a father myself, of unconventional circumstances. I am definitely in my child's life, he's sleeping down the hall right now, but I can understand how a guy would bail. Society and the courts make it pretty damn hard on men in custody battles and child support matters. I am paying 1100 child support and 550 day care a month. It is a huge financial strain on me, and I do it for my son, but a lot of guys can't cope with that shit. On top of that, you are under complete control of the woman in the situation. She gets to dictate most things.

Of course, some guys are just pieces of shit who don't care.

So, I guess it's important to figure out why. Either way, I promise it wasn't anything about you. I know it's impossible to not take it personally, but try to understand that there are a shit ton of factors that go into fatherhood in the US, and it's a broken ass system.

However, if you find that he just didn't care enough, be ruthless. Disown him and never speak to him again. Ignore him forever. Start your own family and pour your life into your children, through which you will find great fulfillment. I promise.

>>16986772
I'd love to see my son, but its an impossibility. Unless your dad actually did bail and you can verify it give him a break.

I hope I can figure out a way to see my son soon he is still a baby pretty much and will be 2 this November, but I can't do jack shit about it except work and hopefully just end up financially stable enough when I can afford court and everything I guess.

Even if that does happen I am missing out on pretty important things that he learns he was just saying daddy and hi and all of these cute things and dancing with me whenever I pulled up a song on YouTube. That bond that parents and children normally get from time together I feel will be not there with me and him and it used to bother me alot, but really what can I do?

I just ignore it until I'm in a better situation, and if I am and he's uninterested I tried I guess.

I dunno I guess as i said before unless you know for a fact that he was a cunt and witnessed it with your own eyes don't judge him. Also don't expect much you both are pretty much just strangers at this point either due to your mom or your dad or both of them.

>>16986840
you don't actually need a lawyer to go to court man, no court is going to deny you from your son unless you're a drug addict or some shit. court fees are literally only a few hundred bucks, 200-300 or something like that. You can go establish visitation rights and probably joint legal rights this year. what's holding you back??

>>16986840
>>16986821
I was pretty young at the time. I am 26 now and the last time I saw him I was around 13-14. I am not 100% sure on the details as to why he never contacted me after my parents split. I know he was a huge alcoholic and that my mother always made sure that him and my grandparents on his side had contact info for me.

From what I know, he was just a scumbag.

>>16986855
Also, I've been back to my hometown visiting within the last 5 years. I met up with my aunt who said he was still in town and that she would find him for me. Again, not sure how true this is, but she told me she found him at the bar and he actually went as far as to run out the back to avoid her.

>>16986772
Same boat here. Father who abandoned me 16 years ago is back on facebook, comments his brothers' posts ( who I am in contact with ). I don't give a shit about him.

>>16986864
This is how I've felt the last 8 years or so after I realized he really must not give a fuck to have gone this long with no contact.

I'm just not sure what to feel now that I have the opportunity to talk to him again.

>>16986855
That's a rough situation, bro. I say be ruthless, but I don't know what it's like to be in that situation, so I have no idea. I will say that if he pops in later needing help/money/company... I don't know that you should give it...

Either way, start your own family and be a great father.

>>16986870
I've already decided if I have children I am going to be there no matter what and do my best to be better than he was. I guess I can thank him for that.

As for him needing anything from me? There's no way in hell.. lol

>>16986848
She is in California I am in Ohio and working on my finances since I had to leave.

She is a pretty bad drunk, and due to circumstances, I had to leave due to homelessness and a lack of jobs. I am gainfully employed at the moment but I am unable to get a lawyer and figure this out yet.

If I'm gonna do it id rather someone who knows these laws help me out.

Good thing at least is CPS is keeping tabs on her (I have heard) so maybe her drinking is down to the point where she can take care of him.

I've dealt with the cops down there on many occasions and cps and they haven't done anything until she fucked herself when she wouldn't let me and the boy stay at a hotel that night, I called the cops and told them that she was drunk still and they just said that I should leave for whatever reason of me not being on the lease and that my son should be left since "the house appeared to be in good order" even though it was fucking trashed from her 4 day bender (same shit had happened twice before) Thing is the officers say I can't take him out of state with my family since he was born here. So he stays with her and I have no way of contacting him either way or her and I honestly don't want to talk to her now at all, until I can figure out something about my son.

I dunno if I wanna get too into it. I will get him back eventually.

I'd just really like a lawyer who is well versed in the courts and even the ones I've talked to can't guarantee anything due to the distance they say generally, unless she fucks up bad enough to where it endangers him.

Thinking about this is pissing me off honestly I'd rather just ignore it.

I could be ignorant to some of these things, but as I said this has happened before and this is still an ongoing thing.

>>16986879
That's rough, man.. Sorry to hear. Hopefully you can work things out sooner than later. I'm not a father myself, but I couldn't imagine being in that situation. Family is everything to me.

itt: white trash vermin

>>16987074
Yep... Generation after generation. I pray to god my kids don't end up like me with relationships. I honestly hope they just don't want to reproduce and enjoy their lives to the fullest. That's all I could really ask for.

If I have any say in this I will educate my sons more on my fuck ups than my dad ever told me at all or all the silly bullshit my mom told me about relationships and children. Hope they listen I have a pretty large video collection of my life since last year. Maybe that'll do it.