She'll understand one day, anon. You're a good dad.

>>16983324
I really hope so anon. I really do hope I'm doing the right thing.

I feel for you, and I'm so sorry. I don't know what to tell you. I don't think there's really anything you can do. I think a lot of kids come to hate their parent's until they're older and it's too little too late. Awful, but it seems to be how it is. My Dad was always busy when I was younger, for awhile he was actually out of state 5 days of the week and only home on sunday.

I was a Daddy's girl for sure, so when he was home we always would go fishing or out hunting with his bird dog. What does she like to do? Don't know how to enjoy quality time more than doing something you both like, but compromising and doing what she likes to do is more likely. Still, it's great to have something special that just the two of you do: for me and my dad it was fishing and long walks in the woods when I was little. Now that I'm older we meet up to dive and play civ together online. She's young...so, is it possible you could introduce her to something you're good at/know a lot about that she would also enjoy?

>>16983341
I used to enjoy going to the range and playing PC games with friends. I really don't have time for either anymore. She's a pure tomboy, almost a younger version of myself. She likes playing outside, forcing my wife out in the woods, or worse making my wife hold insects.

I'd love to get lost in the woods for a few hours with her, but even with my wife working part time and me working two jobs, we're only just barely making it. Me and my wife's whole life right now is making sure our kid doesn't suffer from our shitty choices.

Your child is old enough to understand money and working, at least a bit. Talk to her about how you need to work to get enough money for her to have a house, and food, and clothes, and toys and things. I've been working with my five year old to help him understand the concept and value of money. Lately he's been doing chores around the house for money, and saving up for things he wants like candy and video games. Talk to her about the money situation.

See if you can give her a phone call during the day sometime, or maybe leave little notes and/or presents for her while you're gone. Something to let her know you're thinking of her even when you're not physically there.

>>16983387
I give her calls on my weekend job, but she's not been wanting to talk to me. I can't call home on my primary job.

You have to make some time. You have to work less, somehow. But in the meantime, when you do have time with her, make it all about her and sneak in as much eye contact as you can. Might be hard at first but it connects people. All the best to you.

>>16983407
Then you just gotta do the best you can do. I think she'll warm up again soon. Can she come see you at work ever?

>>16983375

Any way to help her with bug collecting or something? There are guides/suggestions for cheap ways to throw together homemade nets/killjars/displays. I get that you don't have a ton of time, and you don't get to spend a lot of time at home while she's awake, but maybe it's something the two of you can collaborate on anyway. Like, you help her get set up, and she goes out with your wife, find some crawlies, goes to bed, you get home, take a look and identify some for her, leave a little note about it or mount them for her, kinda thing.

I have a 5 year old boy. I spend 12 hours every weekday dedicated to work and I get to see him during those days about an hour or two (I'm a software developer BTW). He's in school most of the weekday so that's ok for the most part. My weekends are usually free and I spend most of that time with him.

In the weekday evenings, I talk to him, read to him, tuck him into bed and maybe play the Wii with him (Infinity...I'm Yoda, he's Anakin). He goes to bed a little after 8.

Your position sucks but I would try my damnedest to free my weekends (new job, tighter budget, etc.). And you may have to lose some sleep - I'm older so I can do 6 hours a night with no problems. It was more difficult to do in my 20s (if that means anything or helps). If your weekday work is flexible, try going in early so you can come home earlier.

>>16983418
Not really. I work in a chemical plant 5 days a week, and cashier at a gas station the other.

I've actually been thinking of going back in the military, but that comes with the fear of deployment.

>>16983426
I've thought of that, but spending time doing that might conflict other things. I guess I could afford to lose sleep seeing as I'm laying here in bed after a panic attack.

>>16983422
I just made so many mistakes anon. If I had stayed in the military, everything would've been better. I was just so worried about deployment again after my child was born that I got out.

And then reality hits me with 6 years doing artillery means nothing in the real world.

>>16983455

Maybe go back into the military. My Dad was army, signal corps, and while he was gone A LOT at different points, and deployed once, it wasn't the end of the world. It's so much easier now than it was. I know that's not a lot of comfort, but if you can see your daughter more daily in the army, even if it means risking deployment, it would be worth it, to me.

Hopefully it gets easier when she's older. I had a pretty high reading level, and when I was in 2nd grade my dad started me with tolkien. When we did get to see each other we always had something to talk about that connected us. It's been our thing forever.

>>16983468
It's really the only choice I have. I'm just worried that I'll miss so much. In six years of service two years were in a war zone.

It'd be worth the risk, I just have some unsettling fears about going back.

>>16983320

the simple and unpopular answer is you have to make more money. Somehow.

if you're not advancing your position in either of these jobs, you need to quit and get into one with a chance to advance your earning potential

nothing will fucking change if you do the same fucking thing.

don't leave this to chance to hope your kids dont turn out assholes. be decisive.

>>16983481
I've been thinking going back in to the army. Recruiter told me I'd get docked rank, but still... What do I do once I retire there, my skill set won't turn over into normal life.

>>16983498

then increase your skillset.

I respect your serving and for putting in the hours for your family, but it sure sounds like you never learned life basics. personal finances, long term money planning, etc

and that pisses me off that soldiers aren't getting this info, especially all the benefits they get access to.

Every money choice you make right now is influencing what you're talking about in your OP. Every bad choice is one more hour away from your kids, you understand?

your feeling like a failure father is stemming from one truth. Your youngest doesnt feel like he's important to you.

the ONLY currency he understands at his age is time.

I already know there's no advancement at the gas station, is there none at the chemical plant?

You are failing as a father. If you're not in a position to financially AND AND ANDDDD emotionally support your children, just don't reproduce. It's really simple. Also losers like you joining the army and everyone treats you like a hero. I can't wrap my mind around it.

>>16983559
I got into the military right out of highschool. I can only blame myself. Never had to worry about shit in the army. Told me the VA would get me a coosh government job easy since I wasn't a boot. Now the past three years have been just trying to pay catch up, and making sure there is enough money to fill all the bills.

The plant? Not really for a hand like me. It'll be a few more years before I move up, and that comes with even more hours.

>>16983588
Well. I know this is a shitpost, but when you're born in a poor as shit Latino family you have three options.
1)Stay poor, work the same shitty jobs your dad does
2)Join the army and get a education and don't fuck up like I did
3)Join a cartel and make your family hate you.

>>16983592

all is not lost, anon.

better now than a bit too late. so don't be tripping on yourself.

you're still married, so believe it or not, statistically you are far MORE likely to succeed in getting your shit together than other fucks out there.

so even if its tough, if you still like your woman, fucking stay married.

your first fuck was getting out of the military too soon, probably. If you were tired of the military i understand. but if you went in with no direction and left with no direction, guess what you have? no direction.

in the short term, look for jobs with advancement possibilities. i bet the chem plant job pays better, do they not offer overtime?

next, review every damn way you and your wife spend money on this earth.

Are you rocking a stupid $100 cell phone plan with an iphone? or got the wal-mart $30 plan with no contract and a $50 phone?

Are you with USAA, basically the 2nd best damn insurance out there for military?

are you getting your healthcare from the VA?

I'm not saying going back in is a bad idea, but if you don't have some of this other shit sorted out, nothing is going to change.

do you have some kind of mentor in your life? or from your military days?

>>16983320
Prioritize her. Even if you have to change your working hours, see her daily. You will hate yourself if you don't.

And make it quality time. However busy or harried or tired you are when you're home, she gets your full attention when you are with her. She won't mind the times you're not there if the times you are there are good.

Phone her during the day. It will be a big adventure for her to get her own phone call, and a reminder of your love.

You keep mentioning getting out and not having a skillset and what are you going to do when you get back out...

Here's a hint: Don't.
Go to school while you're in and stay in until you can retire with pension.

Work with it. If she has a mom that supports you being
a good dad have her put her to sleep early then wake her up when you get home, have dinner with her at the table and talk. Fuck man, being a part of her life is s much more important than you think.
Don't do that pussy shit where you put her sleeping from 9 to 6 before knowing the most important male figure in her life.
Her relationship with you will literally shape every decision she will make going forward in life, teach her to be better than you.