Pic Related
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
My girlfriend has been going to the gym more often lately - she even went twice a few days ago. I don't see anything wrong with wanting to be in shape, but she has said that she wants to look something like pic related. She wants to be "buff", in her own words. I'm getting pretty worried about this because I find buff women to be fairly unattractive, especially like the girl in the pic. I'm alright with nice legs and a flat stomach, but my line is firmly drawn at buff arms and shoulders, and I don't even want to think about women with buff pectoral muscles. It gives me a visceral reaction, one that's mainly rooted in being almost entirely sexually turned off.
I've tried expressing these feelings to her, and she's receptive but says she wants to keep going to the gym and has had a set of goals in mind for a while. I respect her goals and her desire to better herself, but I'm worried about her becoming obsessed with fitness and becoming another narcissistic gym rat. I've seen it happen to too many people I grew up with; they start working out and can't stop, it becomes their life. I don't want to say things that will insult or disrespect her, but I am worried. I like her for who she is now, I don't want to be dating a she-hulk.
Has anyone been through this or something similar? Has anyone been the one going to the gym?
I'd say be prepared to either accept it if it happens and stay with her, or be prepared to end the relationship if it gets to a point that you can't stand.
>>16980844
Most women are physically incapable of building that much muscle mass naturally if they just go to the gym normally.
She's not going to get buff like that unless she's juicing or literally lives at the gym.
But going 4-5 days a week won't get those kinds of results, especially if her diet isn't 100% disciplined and geared towards muscle production.
I'd wait this out op. I doubt her goals will come to fruition, and she'll likely just be better in her health without looking like a hulk.
It might be helpful to identify why this is such a turn off for you.
Does it remind you of a man's body? Are you self conscious about her developing bigger muscles than you?
A little bit of self reflection may ease your worrying.
Are you afraid she might one day overpower you, pin you down with her feminine muscles, and force your soft cowering peepee up into her iron box?
>>16980853
Yeah what this guy said.
>>16980861
>>16980853
>Does it remind you of a man's body?
Yes, which is a large part of my issue with it. Especially the arms, shoulders and pecs. Having breasts, narrower shoulders and smaller arms are just a few of the things that make women inarguably feminine. Getting rid of those things just gives the appearance of a male body, which I can't help being not attracted to.
>Are you self conscious about her developing bigger muscles than you?
Not particularly, especially since I can just go jog for a few days and do some pushups and it will do twice as much to my body as it would to hers. I mainly find the desire to be buff to be unattractive. It overlooks what is actually healthy, not just in a physical sense, and it ignores how plainly narcissistic these gym rats on social media really are. I see it as being sort of brainwashed; without the examples being shoved in her face, I doubt she would even be striving to look a certain way.
Burmp
>>16980881
I totally understand your first hang up- muscles are masculine socially and I can understand why, as a straight male, you would not be attracted to those.
However, You seem to have a problem with the narcissistic/brainwashing elements of physical aesthetic that I would argue is a little beyond normal.
I would advise you not to judge your girlfriend for aspiring to this for the following reasons.
1) muscles are seen as an aesthetic male trait, partially because of biology but mainly because of current beauty trends in our society. So, you yourself are "brainwashed" in this regard as well since you associate muscles with masculinity to the point where you find them repulsive on a woman. You yourself have been brainwashed: without the examples being shoved in your face, you wouldn't find it repulsive.
2) this "narcissism" that you detest is already probably a large part of her identity. For example- does she do her hair? Wear makeup? wear fasionable clothes? All of these are examples of ways in which she is pursuing a certain aesthetic or concept of beauty. Another thing that contributes to this identity (for her) is fitness. The degree of fitness that she aims for is something that goes against your personal preferences, so you're labeling it as "narcissistic" to justify your rejection of it. But it's not narcissistic- atleast not more than the other dozens of things that she does to look a certain way.
I don't think you're wrong for not being attracted to a muscular body- but I wouldn't try to push any blame on her by saying that she's brainwashed or narcissistic. If you were to use that language in a discussion with her, it would make you look self conscious.
I'd stick to how you really feel- if she becomes TOO muscular, tell her that you're having trouble getting sexually aroused because of her muscles.
At that point You'd have three options.
1) she cuts back on the exercise
2) you break up
3) therapy & try to adjust your mindset.
>>16980920
I would argue that muscular bodies are more than just socially masculine, though. Male bodies are just physically more geared to be muscular, and men are by far the ones pictured when you think of a "body builder". What I see, at least in Western culture right now, is this push by women to "equalize" things between the sexes, when in reality, they're just trying to be more masculine because that is what they've seen advertised as "successful" for their entire lives. Want to be successful [like a man]? Better be aggressive [like a man] or brash and bold [like a man] or physically fit [like a man]. My girlfriend thankfully doesn't buy into crazy modern feminism, but I think the physical fitness thing flies under the radar under the guise of "girl power". I have no argument at that point, because it makes me look sexist.
>>16980844
>My girlfriend has been going to the gym more often lately - she even went twice a few days ago
>I've tried expressing these feelings to her, and she's receptive but says she wants to keep going to the gym
dude it is less likely that she is pursuing some honest and virtuous goal that requires massive amount of self discipline, and more likely that something at the gym attracts her and she just made up an excuse to go there as much as she could.
Could be that she enjoys the attention of being one of the very few girls at the gym in the proximity of sweaty muscular dudes, or she could be fooling around with them, or in the worst case, she could be fucking them. Because I really really doubt your girl is that one in a hundred thousand girls who actually wants to build muscle.
>>16980961
I think that's a pretty far leap. She's been on a pretty clear path to making herself healthier since before we started dating; she's lost a good deal of weight in the last couple years and has been exercising more. She's seen results she's happy with and obviously wants to keep doing it. Of course, what you're saying is always possible, but I don't think that's the case.
>>16980978
yeah man I hope not, sincerely, I think you could try to go with her about 3 to 4 times a week. Do some light cardio if you hate lifting. You'd be healthier, your sex would be better, your gf would love you more for being so understanding etc.
>>16980991
The idea of being a "gym couple" is sort of repulsive in my mind, but not as much as having a manly girlfriend so I'll consider it
>>16980957
Well, as a woman I don't think it's like that.
I think people who choose to push those boundaries do so not because they're trying to be successful, but because they believe that they should be able to look and act in the way that they desire without being labeled as masculine.
Some people get so obsessed with this idea that they pursue things SPECIFICALLY that are masculine, which is kinda overkill in most people's opinions.
But again, there are many paths to being successful in a feminine role, so I would question your point that women are copying men in order to be successful.
>men are by far the ones pictured when you think of a "body builder"
You're proving my point- men are the main ones depicted as muscular in the media and are encouraged more than women to achieve this state, which is why it is SOCIALLY perceived as a masculine trait.
It's like how makeup is a feminine trait. Guys who wear makeup are seen as feminine. If my BF started wearing makeup you can bet your ass I'd stop being attracted to him. But I recognize that the reason why that would make me uncomfortable is simply because I am used to certain social standards which that violates.
Again I'm not trying to say that it's wrong or wierd for you to reject this. It's completely normal. But you're "brainwashed" in the same way she is. It's totally normal for you to feel the way you do, but don't try to pin it on her for being narcissistic. It's neither of your faults specifically, so there's no point in assigning blame.
>>16981013
>manly girlfriend
If you want to circumvent this, try to steer her towards lower body exercises: squat is very good for >dat ass, deadlift is fine. Chest exercises or shoulder exercises (barbell/dumbbell press, shoulder press) could be bad, so is any type of arm exercises like curls. Hope she will listen to this at least. This way she could still put on muscle and look womanly.
>>16981021
>they should be able to look and act in the way that they desire without being labeled as masculine
Right, which is an attitude I find unattractive, because it's childish. It tends to come across as a fingers-in-the-ears, "nyah nyah nyah I can't hear you" attitude when you continue to do something you see as successful despite it being obnoxious.
>there are many paths to being successful in a feminine role, so I would question your point that women are copying men in order to be successful
But that is by and large the dominating narrative in modern feminist culture. The idea pushed is that men are the ones in charge, and that's because they act in certain ways that women either don't or can't act. Women are told not to be afraid of being loud and aggressive, even though those are universally obnoxious traits, whether or not the person doing it is male or female.
>men are the main ones depicted as muscular in the media and are encouraged more than women to achieve this state
Very true, but do you think men even want to see these advertisements? It repulses me just as much when I see a 50ft billboard covered in sweaty man abs.
>>16981055
I think you may be having a polarized reaction to some of the more obnoxious feminists views that you've seen. Please don't look at the vocal minority and assume that the majority of feminists act that way.
Let me give you an example of something you might relate to:
Socially, men are not supposed to show a lot of emotion, and crying is seen as a sign of weakness. Many feminists think that something like that is unfair to men, because it forces them to hide their feelings and frequently leads to things like depression and isolation. I believe that men should be able to express their emotions without fear of being ridiculed or told to "grow a pair".
How do you feel about this idea?
>women are taught to be loud and obnoxious
No, we're not. There are plenty of women who are calm and respectful of different beliefs. I was never taught that the man is the one in charge. I always knew that I had every chance to be as successful as him. We're not the same, but the opportunity is equal. I grew up never expecting to rely on an man because I knew that I would be expected to provide for myself. "Successful" and "masculine" do not mean the same things, and very few women believe that. I think you've been buying in to too much of the feminazi bs if you believe that women grow up idolizing men. I was surrounded by all sorts of powerful women role models, and I've never had to try to copy cat men in order to be successful. In fact, acting in a gender role that is deferent than your biological sex makes you LESS likely to be successful, so your argument doesn't make sense. Contradicting the status quo will always cause problems for an individual.
>Very true, but do you think men even want to see these advertisements?
Of course not- not in this society. But what I'm trying to communicate is that gender related beauty trends vary from one society to another.
For example, in America, it's popular for women to be hairless (c)
>>16981115
(C)
But in other countries, body hair on women is sexy and considered a sign of maturity.
This is my point:
Maybe in the future, muscular women will be seen socially as "sexy and feminine". If you were born in raised in that time period, then you would likely also view muscular women as sexy.
Because you grew up in a social environment where muscular women are "masculine", you don't find it attractive.
As I've said before- this is SUPER NORMAL. It's literally how society works and it's just a part of human nature. But what some people (aka people who have gotten broken up with in the past because they contradicted the beauty norm) would argue is that it's a shame that you and someone who you would have been happy spending the rest of your life with might potentially break up due to an external social influence such as gender related beauty expectations.
But in reality, relationships are ALWAYS influenced by external factors. There's no avoiding the idea of gender related beauty standards- and most of these "feminazis" arn't trying to abolish beauty standards, they're just trying to change it so that they're the ones who are seen as beautiful.
At any rate, that's all a bunch of crap and it's best to pay no mind. The only reason why I bothered mentioning the fact that Your attitude is related to a social construct is because you were negetivly judging your GF for buying into it when you are also buying into it.
Another good thing that you can draw from the fact that your feelings are related to social standards is that you CAN go to therapy and in a sense "brainwash" yourself into thinking muscles are feminine/attractive.
Not that you SHOULD- it's just possible. If you care about this girl that much and you'd rather modify your perception of muscles than break up with her, it IS an option
>>16980844
Women are unable to be that "buff" without taking steroids.
You can rest now. Also be glad that she goes to gym, she'll have god-tier ass after that.
>>16981593
How sure are you of that, though? Are you saying pic related is juicing?
