Hi /adv/
So I just found out my girlfriend of 6 years has weird hangups about sex. I knew she had a lower sex drive and so we don't do it that often. That's fine.
However, today she told me that she's never really enjoyed it, she's just been doing it because she knows I like it. Apparently she doesn't like sex much at all and sees it as a negative act.
So, here I was thinking that we were doing something intimate and special when in reality it was all one sided and she was never into it. Yeah she was doing it to please me, but I feel like I used her or something...I don't know how to feel. In a way I feel like she lied and the sexual dynamic is too one-side for me.
Is this a big deal? Am I overreacting?
>>16979066
No, this is big.
Break up gently.
>>16979093
I'm in a similar position as OP's gf and it would fucking kill me if my bf broke up with me over this.
>>16979098
Guys need sex, sorry to break it to you
>>16979103
I have sex with him, not mega often, and I don't like it.
>>16979103
I would more say sex and intimacy are a part of a relationship. If you aren't into it then it is time to reconsider relationships in general unless you are going the asexual route.
Did she have fetish, why this is happening, talk to her, ask how can you please her, and if you and her is really open mind, try anal.
>>16979109
Don't like sex with boyfriend?
Now how do you imagine he would feel knowing that?
>Something I never told you boyfriend, I've never enjoyed sex with with. I just do it out of a sense of duty .
>Now we're married and have two children I think we stop, you've got to work too much anyway as those shelves still need putting up.
>>16979098
OP here.
I understand the viewpoint. You don't like sex but you wanted to please your boyfriend anyway because you care about him.
BUT I feel like there's a whole principle here about honesty. I didn't know she didn't enjoy sex and I wouldn't have continued if I knew it was just happening to get me off. I feel selfish but I didn't even do anything intentional. And to do that for SIX years? Argh. Would just like some perspective
>>16979138
I don't like sex with anyone...I don't like sex...and your greentext is so ridiculously irrelevant and presumptuous.
How many sexual partners has she had?
>>16979156
None. I'm her first. Maybe I'm just bad at it but I think her problems are much more deeply rooted
>>16979066
>I knew she had a lower sex drive and so we don't do it that often. That's fine.
THAT'S NOT FINE. You should be boring out that meat tunnel with your snake on the DLY.
>>16979066
i have been in this exact situation. i dont feel like getting into my story, but here is the moral of it- this feeling you have right now? it doesnt go away. it cant. i advise you to terminate the relationship, and find someone more open, honest, and sexually compatible.
>>16979066
Maybe you should actually get to the root of the problem and look at the issue deeply? and seek help if needed for her
>>16979066
She might've enjoyed the intimacy, but not the actual physicality of it. About 1/4 of women find sex unpleasantly painful. She might be one of them.
It could be physical, it could be mental. Ask her what she thinks about it. Does she masturbate? What does she think of getting eaten out? Is she sufficiently slippery?
This is actually a pretty normal thing for women, but no one talks about it. She's told you because she trusts you. Ask her what she thinks it means for you, and ask her about ideas for intimate things she'd prefer to do together.
Give her ideas a try, and if it works, keep doing it together. If not, part ways. I imagine you probably feel a little misled or betrayed. If you do, maybe let her know in an open way, and see if she wants to talk about why.
There's a good chance she's just realizing all of this for herself now, too.
Good luck, OP. No need to run away until you work out what this really means for you two.
>>16980018
she might also be OK with you having a sexual partner on the side, instead of her, if she's totally asexual. I wouldn't bring it up as a practicality immediately, but consider broaching it as a 'maybe we could solve this problem like this' kind of a thing.
>>16979098
>>16979066
If the sex is so fundamentally broken, that's a problem.
That should be obvious.
Try to work it out with her. Do the obvious things, explore different positions, go down, more/different lube, toys, ask about fetishes, etc.
See a sex therapist if necessary, their job is to help people with these problems.
>So, here I was thinking that we were doing something intimate and special when in reality it was all one sided and she was never into it. Yeah she was doing it to please me, but I feel like I used her or something...I don't know how to feel. In a way I feel like she lied and the sexual dynamic is too one-side for me.
You're right to feel that way, it's deeply disappointing to discover that your partner hasn't enjoyed the last 6 years of sex and was just doing it to please you when you thought it was mutual. It just means you're not an asshole and you actually care about her enjoyment as well. That's good news for you and your relationship.
>>16979168
>OP is so shit in bed he turns women off of sex for life
