Breakup thoughts
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
After a breakup:
Is it really the best solution to man up and work on yourself like a madman and try to be successfull in life and just dedicate yourself to WORK.
Or is it not sometimes better to be sad and show the other part that you are sad and that they meant everything for you. And that you feel devastated that they are out of your life.
My girlfriend dumped me. And I am doing scenario 1. No matter what. Just wanted to get some opinions on breakup in general!
You're allowed to be sad for max two weeks. After that you need to man up and move on. Get shit done.
Simply put, everybody feels 2, but you should be actively working towards 1.
Imo there's no better time to make valuable changes then after a breakup, all the emotions make for a potent mix.
>>16977918
you aact like those are literally the only two options. protip: they are not.
she DUMPED you. regardless of why she doesnt need to see you moping around to let her know how much she meant. would she even notice? i mean really what kind of logic is this?
you dont be sad to show someone something. thats called acting.
you are sad. you deal with it in the way thats best for you, and you focus on whatever you want to focus on that isnt her
>>16977951
OP here.
Thats the thing. I think secretly I want her to notice. No matter what it is. That I am getting successfull or that I am getting depressed. I want her to see me.
It is nonsense I know. And I want to get rid of it. Get rid of the tought of "Does she think about me. Does she look up on what I am recently doing?" I definately don't want these thoughts. I am getting along pretty well with this breakup, I have to be honest there. But these small things are keeping me back little bit. Getting my point? Thanks for the help mate!
>be me 20 y o male
>relationship with qt3.14
>I'm 2 years older than her and I stayed around for her to graduate etc and maybe build our lifes together
>mfw I forgot women are batshit crazy
>3 years 3 months in she graduates
>dumps me 1 week later
This was on monday and I have no idea where to go from here since I basically made the big mistake to believe her she was serious with our relationship and cut of contact to a fucking lot of people because of her.
I don't want to be sad about her because I know I basically built this person from scratch but she told me so many times she'd stay and she fucking left. She doesn't even deserve me at all but I'm 100% sure I'd take her back in a heartbeat.
Any advice?
I already cut contact, removed her from social networks etc and I'm not constantly crying like a bitch anymore but I have no fucking idea what to do now.
>>16977985
>secretly
its no secret mate. you literally asked
>is it better to flaunt my sadness so she knows how much she meant cuz maybe she'll see me acting liek a pathetic loser and get back with me!1!
go make out with a dude and re evaluate your life.
>>16977987
>she told me so many times she'd stay
>unlike all the other break ups in the world, where they prefaced them by claiming 'oh tihs is temporary'
take that to heart. nothing lasts for ever. romance is the most fragile of all human relationships.
tihs isn't some edgy 'hurr durr life is meaningless' thing.
vision (from age of ultron) said
"something isn't beautiful because it lasts'.
enjoy whats around you while you can. later there will be other things around you that you will enjoy differnetly.
>>16978034
Dude
You don't get it and you're being a dumb fag about it
Thank you for your time, gtfo
>>16978046
I know that and I didn't mean her staying forever
I explicitly told her I wasnt moving away for uni because I want to be with and I repeatedly expressed my fear of her leaving me after she graduates. Ofc she always reassured me she wouldnt leave me and even started talking about moving in together so I kind of got the impression she wanted something "to last".
It's very hard for me to comprehend where exactly she lost her feelings for me and why she'd break up like that, not even telling me why.
>she probably planned that shit
>she's probably fucking someone else already
>>16978086
>im the only one whos ever been in a break up
no wonder she left you damn dude. you have the emotional maturity of a blueberry scone.
>>16978094
ah thats a bit more rough yeah. my sentiment remains the same, but im a bit confused on her logic here. you guys werent living together or anything? is she moving or staying in teh same area now?
my impression was she basically mooched off you while in college and left you as soon as she graduated.
>>16978102
No we didn't live together, very close though (5 min walking)
She mentioned she wants to travel the world or move out from her parent's house and I offered her to find ways to do that shit togethe and at first she complied but a few days later she seemingly changer her mind. I'm not sure what she's gonna do now but she'll probably stay here since she's never done anything productive by herself.
I'm having the very same impression anon and it's fucking embarrassing too that I got cucked like that.
>>16978122
well thast the thing... the impression seems wrong. she doesnt have plans to move away immediately, she didnt live off of you since she lived with her parents, you werent paying for her college or anything ( i would presume )
in this scenario a girl only breaks up right after graduation cuz she was A) using you for financial support or B) was using you for fun until she could go do other things.
but if she has no real plans to go anywhere else, who knows. i guess she still could have been using you to a lesser degree, but waiting right til graduation is an odd choice
>>16978122
I have been in somewhat similar situation. I was married though and in my case she used me to get to the States. (We both aren't from States originally). Then she suggested an open marriage. That's when I said that we are done, though I was very confused at first. There is more to it but it doesn't matter.
What matters is that getting over it is the way to go. Talk to friends, talk to family. Then just focus on getting yourself to a point where you like yourself by improving. That's about it.
I personally use online dating websites since I don't have many connections otherwise. It kinda sucks dick but there are good women out there.
>>16978160
I guess she just wanted someone to tell her "you can do it" all the time because she was always concerned about not being good enough (her mother was kind of abusive and a bitch) and I gave her that.
>she also stopped cutting because of me
Either way I'm not sure if she intends to stay in the area, I just think she can't do it alone because she was never capable of doing anything on her own.
>>16978165
Wow that's even worse. I hope you're okay now.
>>16978187
still seems odd to me, maybe she does have some supposed immediate plans and just didnt tell you though. who knows.
either way, good riddance.
best advice i ever got: never turn down an option to make your life better just to keep a person in it.
>>16978191
>never turn down an option to make your life better just to keep a person in it.
yea I regret not fucking off when it was my turn and she was a controlling cunt but you'll always know better when it's too late.
anyways thanks for your time.
>>16978212
>you'll always know better when its too late
the first time. anyone who makes the mistake a second time is the only one to blame.
>>16977918
Why suffer when you have the option not to suffer?
>>16977987
Living something similar to you right now, I am planning on chasing her, find her with the guy that cause this and beat the hell out of him in front of her, just to see the terror and desperation in her eyes.
>>16978281
I thought about something similar too at first but then I realized it's not worth destroying my life for some stupid bitch in my early 20s
>>16978296
Yes, that's the only thing holding me, if only I knew they couldn't catch me
>>16978281
dont beat him up
hes just getting laid
shes the culprit
remember:
if you cant have her
no one can
just kidding, I hope she keys your car
