you shouldsn't snoop. but other than that your bf is behaving fishy. tell him to be honest and end things if he feels bored with your relationship instead of cheating on you behind your back and hurting you

>>16977543
I've been in your situation. It sounds like he's interested in this girl, and trying to act on his crush. You're not doing the wrong thing by not allowing him to talk to this girl, you're clearly uncomfortable with his behavior and feel it could lead to cheating.
For the time being, you should stay and see if he keeps contacting this girl. If he continues to do so, it might be best to leave him, since that proves he values this girl above you. Best of luck, OP!

>>16977543
You're in the right. If he can't change his ways you deserve better. My first college gf couldn't stop talking to this one guy no matter how many times I asked, lied to me, kept it secret and such. I broke it off, they began dating within 6 months and when I last checked a year and a half ago, they still were.

Point is, that there could be something there between them, and I'm really sorry you're going through this OP. Tread with caution and best of luck.

>>16977549
But if she hadn't snooped, he'd still be lying to her and meeting girls in the middle of the night. He's lost her trust. Also, if he's leaving his fb open for you to go through, he probably doesn't give a shit anymore and wants the relationship with you to end.

>>16977596
sure. but if somebody's cheating you usually find out sooner or later if you aren't completely oblivious to the signs. no need to give them a reason to bash you by invading their privacy

>>16977549
snooping shouldn't be necessary in a healthy relationship. I have 0 issue with my girl ever going through my phone and she doesn't have an issue with me using hers.

>>16977543
He's broken his word twice now. It's time to have a serious discussion as to the future of your relationship. Men don't wish guys we just met a Happy Easter. Thus, it's apparent that his feelings extend beyond the platonic: he's attracted to her. Which is fine...as long as he doesn't cross the line, and limits his interaction with her to need only. Honestly though, unless you guys are in your mid to late twenties, I'd start facing the reality that this is the beginning of the end.

>>16977610
at 4 years in, you should have full access to any point in your s/o's life. It's not like they've been dating a few months.

>>16977572
>>16977574
>>16977596
>>16977549

Thank for the advice everyone. However I brought it up to him and here is what I wrote word for word.

"I don't know how to say this. Been thinking about this since last night. You are still talking to J. the one I told you I wasn't ok with you speaking to. I can't keep doing this over and over with you. I can't do this anymore. You want to talk to her. Go for it. I'm done."

His response? Calling me pissed and telling me I am the only person he wants to be with. How does that make any sense?

>>16977618
then we have different opinions here. i think you are alwas entitled to some privacy.

>>16977618
I agree. We both even have our fingerprints in each others phones. I couldn't care less if he snoops. I have nothing to hide.

>>16977610
the signs were there which led her to snoop to get more info.

>>16977619
that was pretty passive agressive

>>16977621
I agree. We are entitled to privacy however if both parties don't care then it doesn't really matter. I mean generally he doesn't get upset when I look through his phone.

>>16977619
Not to bash your methods, but did you text a guy you've been dating for 4 years a breakup text? If you needed to write your thoughts out, write a note and hand it to him with you there.

As for his response, you really have 2 options, try working on it and giving him 1 more shot, or leave it ended. It's up to you OP. Just don't settle for a guy who needs more girls than you for attention.

>>16977621
>>16977626
Yep. It depends on the relationship and people. No way is right or wrong!

Right? I just got off the phone since I am at work right now. He just doesn't make sense.

>>16977619
It's ok OP. If he really wanted you he wouldn't have kept going against your word and talking to this girl behind your back. He did something that you weren't ok with.
It's up to you if you want to give him one more chance if you feel that he is redeemable, or you can stick with your word and end the relationship.

>>16977628
We've had this conversation in person before. It doesn't help. Seriously. I end up feeling like I did something wrong. I agree texting isn't the best way but if I do breakup with him I can't do it in person. He doesn't let me.

>>16977628
Not OP but there are no rules to breaking up with someone. You don't have to do it in person.

The worst part is that it has taken me so much for me to be in a committed relationship. I've had trust issues in the past and for the first 2 years, I was good. I trusted him completely. now I feel helpless again and it makes me want to revert back to how I used to be. I feel worthless. I know no one should make you feel that way but this is someone that we've been trying to build something together. We've talked about getting engaged and this happens... How can someone who promise you the world do things he knows you aren't okay with?

>>16977645
>>16977658
I hear ya. If it's what gets the best results for you then it's what you should do. I was just curious.

>>16977666
>666. Because he's the devil OP

But seriously, sometimes people promise these things because they feel it's what society expects. If he's the real deal, talking with other women (unless it's like a really old family friend and it's a rare thing) won't happen.