I'm about to split up with my gf (3 years relationship). How do I deal with the grief? It will hurt me like hell because I love her loads but i've got to do it because we're hurting each other all the time unwillingly
>>16972591
>hurting each other all the time unwillingly
like how?
>>16972594
my penis was too large.
>>16972594
She wants other things in life and I do too. Stuff that may seem normal to me dont seem so to her. We love each other but we are always arguing and with such intensity that we can't even focus at our jobs or our daily lives. We are always worried. We argue badly and then cry about how much we love each other and that our life would be empty without one another. Yet we are both unhappy.
>>16972613
>>16972617
fair enough reason to break up. incompatibility happens. on how to deal with the pain... i might not be the best person to give you adv on this cause i never got my heart broken REALLY bad. but i do love my bf so fucking much, even thinking about losing him breaks my heart. if we would ever split up, i think i would take a long time to get over it. so, give it time. i would probably grief like crazy for a while. then i would try to return to my everyday life, trying to focus on other stuff. DEFINITELY cut contact. i couldn't bear seeing him and not being able to reach out for him, tell him i still love him and be in his arms. don't do rebounding. it might help temporarily, but it's not a solution. try to remember the nice memories but DON'T forget why you broke up. do a lot of things with your friends. in the first time you might need a lot of time alone. then you need to fill the gap with activity. good luck anon, and stay strong
Steal a bunch of her underwear and wank the pain away.
>>16972617
Better to leave now, before you leave deep wounds and end up hating each other. Good, but hurtful decision. It goes through phases getting over your SO, but here you have a few tips:
1. Focus on yourself. A basic. Sounds cliché and rather wide, but it really helps. Go out with YOUR friends a lot (don't strategically go out with mutual friends... have seen it happen).
2. Try to cut all contact with her. No checking on her through SNS, nor trying to call/write to her her.
3. Do things you like and do things you've felt curious about for a long time. Read the book you've wanted to read but didn't have time, watch that movie you know you'll enjoy, go out with that friend you haven't seen in a while.
4. Grieve the loss, but don't let the void of grieve absorb you. It is important to cry all you need to, and curse your heart out. However, these should last just a few days, I think... Else, you'll never let go and continue to find things to feel bad about.
5. Keep yourself busy. Remember, busy people have no time to feel bad (this applies more on further phases when you already grieved, and feel more stable to engage in work and new projects.)
6. Essentially, condition yourself to a life without her. These new conditions will lead to new feelings, new behaviors.
Hope this helps!
>>16972613
>>16972647
You guys joke but this was a factor in me and my ex's incompatibility. We had to find increasingly creative ways of getting each other off because she was too tiny for me to fit into comfortably. Both of us would be in proper agony.
>>16972591
Keep busy. Do what you love, do something practical. Musical instruments or anything creative is perfect, because you'll see progress and improvement to match what's happening to you. Don't try and suffocate your thoughts but don't dwell, if you find yourself lying in a dark room with her ghost in your head, get up and do something.
>>16972675
This. THIS SO MUCH. I felt the same way as you OP but the difference was my "significant other" is the type to just boot me as soon as things got tough. So everything ended in misery and bitterness on my end. This would be my 2nd break up and the worst so far, but what I've learnt from the 1st break up is how I would rather end a relationship mutually (although painful) so that bridges are not burnt and you will be happier in the future (it's hard to see now) but retrospectively you'll want to have happy memories thinking back to a time you once loved this person. I really wanted to do this with my 2nd (ex)-girlfriend but she was absolutely savage towards me.
JUMP OFF A BUILDING. IT WILL EASE THE PAIN
I lost the love of my life going on a couple months ago. No big fights, no cheating, not even really any arguing.
The problem was so fixable on her end, but she just wouldn't. And she didn't understand what she was doing wrong, no matter how much I told her it hurt me.
She was my best friend; we grew up together. We haven't talked since and I still have to be around her kind of a lot because we share a class and a friend group. It's like seeing a ghost. I still love her and I think she still loves me.
The best advice I can give you is to really lean on the other people in your life for awhile. Get closer to people you know on the fringes of your circle and go out with friends. If you have someone you can vent to, vent to them. Talking helps. If not, journal, then burn it. Exercise a lot, the endorphins make you feel a little better about everything and pushing yourself is cathartic. Pick up a new hobby. Let yourself feel all the grief, but try not to dwell on it after you've given yourself a week or so.
Good luck.
>>16972591
Thats isaac from Binding of Isaac
I've forgotten what's being single is like. I mean I'm on the phone 24 7 with my gf that it seems weird not having that.
I am pretty much going through the same thing. After several break-ups and getting back together, this time we decided to end it definitely. At least I did on my side. Everytime we got back together, It seemed like it was all super good. And it sure was, until the same freaking problems that made you end it last time just pops up once again. Even if you feel as if it is going to be perfect this time, it just doesn't. And I too agree that it is better to end it in good terms, and somewhat see her as a 'friend' rather than an old foe.
I would suggest you to realize that she's just a girl. Yes she's the one you got really close to for some time. Yet, there are many other ones out there for you, who are potentially much better than her. And remember the first times you were together with her, all that excitement? You will get to live those times again with another person.
Furthermore, you can use this opportunity to improve yourself in any way you wanted to. No more reasons to be lazy and fool around. You need new skills to impress a girl and know what, you got a lot more time under your hands now. Go out there and do what you always wanted to do but never had the guts to!
>>16972591
Initials?
>>16973220
>The problem was so fixable on her end, but she just wouldn't. And she didn't understand what she was doing wrong, no matter how much I told her it hurt me.
What was it ?
>>16972824
You should have had her gain like 100 pounds and that problem would have solved itself
>>16972591
Honestly boo... I just dumped my girlfriend of two years because I finally pulled my head out of my ass.
I hate advocating for forums other than this one, but Red Pill is actually right. They take it to a whole astronomical space level, but the basic premise that:
>Women should not use your male needs as bait to obtain commitment
IS TRUE.
Tell me, when have you ever gotten something good in life by supplicating yourself to another person? Try: Never.
But supplication is the name of the game for women in the modern world:
>Don't get a paternity test, it means you don't trust me
>If only you would take out the trash more, then i would fuck you
>Don't spend time with your friends, I want your attention
It never ends at any age.
So how do you get over the grief? You realize that your Disney expectations about "forever love" and "happily married" are exactly that - Disney fantasies. Trust is EARNED. Your NEEDS are VALID. Someone who claims to love you should never try to blackmail you with sex or validation in exchange for you licking her fucking boots.
Man up, become a complete and whole person who is OK being alone without sex and VIOLA if you truly work on yourself you will find free sex from women who just need Kush and Orange Juice. Then you need to not get trapped again.
/rantover
>>16974833
She lived 5 or 10 minutes away and had a car and we saw each other outside of school maybe twice a month if I was lucky, once or less if I wasn't.
