First time posting on /adv/, and I'm kind of unsure about my situation.
My cousin killed himself yesterday. Everyone at the house was in shock, pain, tears, and disbelief - and I sat there like a rock.
I've been emotionally distant for a long time, for instance when I lost my virginity, I felt like I was having something beyond an out-of-body experience. I was there physically, but mentally I'm miles away, thinking about other shit. I have an extremely hard time in social situations for the same reason - I feel a step removed from the entire process.
I've been taking anti-depressants for a very long time, as well as having been on anti-anxiety medication since just before Halloween.
I'm not sure what I'm trying to ask. Maybe I'm just getting it off my chest. But I want to be able to feel - anything at this point. I'm pretty much an automaton at this juncture in my life.
Some of us don't feel as strongly as others. One day you will recognize it as the gift it is.
Tried taking anti-adhd meds?
>>16970067
>anti-depressants
That means your chill pillz are working... Seriously that is what they should do. To weaken your emotions so you don't feel like ... person with depression.
>I'm not sure what I'm trying to ask.
Oh hey, free advice: solve your problems and stop taking chill pillz. Be careful about the order of task thou.
>>16970067
Iktf
life is boring
>>16970071
when my dog was about to die I felt alive and happy because I was sad
Im into drugs because life otherwise is amazingly boring and dissapointing
my childhood dream just came true and I couldnt care less
the only way I can see myself being happy is getting high all day at my parents expense
>>16970141
>That means your chill pillz are working... Seriously that is what they should do. To weaken your emotions so you don't feel like ... person with depression.
not really
not op
Im taking the pills because I cant feel anything
I still dont feel anything but now I cant cum
life is boring as fuck
>>16970166
Ok, my fault thinking Antidepressant in English == Antidepressant in native one.
But still, most of the drugs listed on wiki
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antidepressant
power lies in actually numbing your emotions. This term is way too board in English :-)
>>16970188
I take the same ones they give to people with the suicidal and extreme sadness depression
SSRI, citalopram
I used to feel better than before but that was when I lived in a shitty town, it got rid of my anxiety and helped me get friends
now I moved to a bigger city and I dont have anxiety anymore
I know that because I stopped taking them, my therapist doesnt know
I stopped because I met with a guy and couldnt cum, I wasnt even horny the whole time
im gay btw, I dont think thats relevant tho
im still as unmotivated as always and my sex drive is not even there anymore, I havent jacked off in like 4 days and I only did it to see if I could
I even met the sweetest guy in the world and I cant feel a fucking thing
everything is a dissapointment and suicide is starting to sound like an option
im never going to off myself tho
>>16970211
I need heroin
cigarettes are shit and alcohol is expensive an not worth it
pot makes me sadder
hallucinogens might work
Anti-depressants can make you not feel the feelings properly.. Happened to me - I was hurt by something and couldn´t even cry even though I knew I should.
More meds aren´t always the best thing (not telling you to stop them, just saying they´re overused sometimes), maybe try to tell your doc and ask them to change them for a different type?
OP here. It's still really fucking me up that I feel nothing about my cousin. I already have a call in to my doctor's office about my doses.
I'm on a mix of buspirone, escitalopram, and bupropion.
I'm going through the similar situation. For my case, it's the most apparent when my brother passed.
I'm sorry in advance. If you'll go to see a therapist, try to google up schizoid personality disorder. If you think you can relate to the symptoms, make a list of it and take it to your therapist.
>>16970832
Thanks for the tip. I made an appointment, but they're wonderfully booked up until early june.
>>16970832
SPD hits the nail on the head for everything I feel.
I'm not going to self-diagnose, since this isn't tumblr, but holy shit - this would explain a lot.
>>16970067
>My cousin killed himself yesterday.
I'm sorry to hear that.
>Everyone at the house was in shock, pain, tears, and disbelief - and I sat there like a rock.
That's a totally plausible shock reaction. I don't think you need to worry about beong thought strange for that.
>>16970067
>But I want to be able to feel - anything at this point. I'm pretty much an automaton at this juncture in my life.
Talk to your doctor about this. It sounds to me like your dose is too high: antidepressants often weaken emotional response somewhat, but they aren't supposed to do THIS to you. It's probably not a good odea to go completely off your meds, but with some help from your doc you may be able to cut the dose a bit: get back some feeling without sliding back into depression.
>>16970871
Actually, I haven't receive solid diagnose from my therapist myself, but she's confirmed that I do have those symptoms. That's why I think maybe you have similar condition.
>>16970889
Also, it seems that you're not emotionally detached as an effect of anti-depressant, but you're naturally that way from the start (?)
My experience:
1. Antidepressants work. When I'm wound too tightly and can't stop panic and anxiety--they mellow me out in under an hour (and last for at least 24).
2. We all react to death differently. A recent death in my family had me feeling nothing. Then something happened like 2 weeks later and I teared up. I still haven't sat there and bawled. Too many variables, OP, so don't stress yourself out thinking you need to produce a particular reaction.
3. Stoic can help people around you. Friend lost his grandma, upset, my refusal to sob helped him. (She was a grandma to me. Person I mentioned above was my grandma. Can't say I give a fuck.)
>>16970067
I have an anecdote.
Here is a story of a little guy that lives in a blue. All day and all night, everything he sees is blue like him. Inside and outside. Blue his house. With a blue little window. Everything is blue for him, and himself.
He had nobody to listen to.
Ask yourself... are you the blue man?
>>16970927
I may be.
Da ba dee da ba die.
>>16970778
I had the same thing when my grandfather died
you know that you loved him, not grieving him doesnt mean you didnt
>>16970067
I know that feel, but I don't think it's too much of a problem, if anything I've found it helps quite a bit in stressful situations. There are just some circumstances in which emotional involvement severely handicaps your ability to deal with a problem, and that's just not an issue for me.
>mfw I was in the hospital and found out via text that my only grandmother had died
>mfw I was diagnosed with cancer
>mfw several of my friends were suicidal and came to me for help
>mfw literally hundreds of other times when the situation called for somebody who wasn't freaking out
>>16971426
Having said that, all of those circumstances were concerning. Where death was involved, I was genuinely sad that the deceased was gone, it's just that the emotions (which absolutely were present) weren't enough to break my composure.
Other shit fucks me up, but I've found it's not the stuff with fucks everyone else up.
