For some reason my parents have a psychic connection to my cock. The second I get hard and I mean the literal second I stroke it one time they open their door and start running around and yelling and making noise and getting in my shit. They also walk by and do it the second I cum they sometimes do both in one fap.
It's literally the exact second I stroke it every single time I mean every single day I mean every single day for years without them missing one fap. They literally know the second my cock is getting hard
Fap when they're not around.
>>16969856
They're always around
>>16969860
None of you ever leave the house?
>>16969865
I do but they don't for anything but work and they work opposite schedules so I'm lucky enough to have them run around and give me blue balls 22 hours a day
They also never sleep they even do the same shit while I try sleeping
>>16969872
Your parents literally never sleep?
>>16969899
They sleep like 4 hours at a time my dad gets home at midnight they run around at like 5 am sometimes they go to bed at 4 am and then wake me up at 8 doing a bunch of bull shit
They literally ruin my life 24/7
>>16969913
Have they ever discussed your masturbation with you? Is there a history a paranoid schizophrenia in your family?
>>16969842
>not doing it in the shower
pleb
>>16969842
Check for cameras. They may be spying on you.
>>16969933
It's not scitzo they are just literally the most insufferable people to ever walk the earth
>>16969950
Well if they have a psychic connection with your penis the only real explanations are 1.) supernatural or 2.) psychological. It seems more logical that you're just nuts, or more likely prone to exaggeration.
>>16969936
Also this.
Are your parents autistic?
>>16969936
This, or pretend you're taking a shit when really you're fapping to hentai on your phone. Not that hard..
>>16969961
They literally walk by the second I stroke it and my hand goes over the tip every single time
>>16969971
Okay, fine. So what?
>>16969979
I want to masturbate
>>16969982
Then masturbate while they pace the hallway. Put in earplugs.
>>16969989
They'll barge in
>>16969982
read the fucking thread
>>16969936
or
>>16969967
>pretend you're taking a shit
>>16969993
For what?
>>16969995
Why pretend shitting a wanking at the same time is magic.
>That relief off the prostate as your shoot your creamy goods.
>>16970004
See OP? Even better!
They dont want you to feel comfortable. They want you to get a girlfriend because once you start down the path of bating you will never leave their home.
Get a job and a shitty apartment and you can ruin your life on your own terms.
OP is either literally retarded or being deliberately obtuse.
>my parents have a psychic connection with muh dick
>they ALWAYS know when i'm about to jack it
>how do I get away with it?
Based on what your saying, you can't. They have a psychic connection because apparently they have a 100% success rate of catching you.
Leave the thread. Give up and wait until you move out. They are somehow inexplicably linked to your dick and you'll never find peace. I don't even know why you came for advice when you say something like
>I mean every single day for years without them missing one fap.
Here. Try this. It's completely and utterly foolproof.
>never stop trying to jack off
>because they are linked to your dick, they will always know
>they will always be yelling and making noise and getting in your shit and interupting your flute playing
>they will always barge into your room to stop you from choking the chicken
>soon the living conditions in the house will start to fall apart, as your parents will be unable to do basic housekeeping as they are too busy interupting you and barging in EVERY SINGLE TIME EVERY SINGLE DAY OF THE YEAR you try to pop your soda bottle
>they'll eventually use up all their vacation and sick days at work trying to be at the ready to prevent your act of mass genocide
>they will eventually have to pick either let their son blow his load or let the house fall to ruin from trying to literally ruin every single ejaculation
>>16970004
Oh shit, gotta try this
ITT: obvious b8 or schizo
Where does your dad masturbate?
You need to be 18 to post here, faggot.
>IT'S A TROLL THREAL
>>16969842
This gets posted once a year.
>my parents are so loud.
> letting themselves in my room every 5min
> they only sleep 4 hours but take it in turn.
>they never leave the house.
How do I masturbate?
>>16970018
Jesus, /adv/ it took 23 replies for someone to suggest being an adult and moving out?
It's because you're really obvious about it. You probably have a schedule or set of behaviours that indicate when you're going to fap desu.
Nothing mystical about it, OP. You are obvious, and they are snooping.
My guess is they've rigged up some kind of silent alarm on the family Internet connection, or possibly on your machine. This takes some knowhow, but isn't all that difficult. Fortunately, the technology is in its infancy, and so it is also not all that difficult to defeat: get yourself a cheap VPN account somewhere, or set up an SSH tunnel if you know how.
My car got totaled and I'm getting antsy. Got a couple replacements in mind and need my shit ASAP. I left a message earlier today but they still haven't called me back. How much of an asshole would I be to call twice in one day?
>>16969993
Get a lock for your door.
>>16970377
I didn't mean to say desu.
If this happens a conspicuous amount... well, don't freak out but this is entirely possible. They might have a camera in your room. If they don't believe in masturbation, they could be trying to keep your hand celibate or some weird religious shit. Alternatively, they might have an interest in incest. Not joking. About one in ten families have incest happening, or some level of inappropriate sexual behavior between child/parent. It is far, FAR more common than you think because people don't talk about it, whether it be rape or consensual.
>>16970041
You're being obtuse.
OP didn't mean "psychic connection" SO fucking LITERALLY. It was a figure of speech. Your post is also unfunny, please leave.
>>16970394
I was texting my girlfriend about sex when I started
>>16969842
Just keep doing it, and look them in the eye. Tell them to please knock next time if they don't want to see.
