I tried to make it work, I wanted to, but something wouldn't let me.
M/21, her 21. I met her at a rave. She was cool and we hit it off really well at first. We dated for 2 months. Been through a lot at the time. We had sex a lot. We hung out ALL the time. I always felt like she would cheat on me though for some reason. Honestly, I could see her bending over for some guy just to get high or going to a club without me and not telling me. At first, she had so many limits: "No sex until she trusted me, No blowjobs, No cumming here etc" All until I basically had to force her to do it. I had to force everything on her, initiate everything. She never made me feel special. Never loved me in bed like I loved her. I did most of the work. And she was a freak. She started letting me do everything to her. I was kind of disappointed because I knew she probably was doing this with tons of guys before me. Fuck that. She told me one day, just out of the blue, she sucked off a black coworker once when she was high. I don't know why I didn't just walk the fuck out and tell her nice knowing you,
Whenever I'd get mad about not trusting her, she'd say "are you jealous?" We had dinner together, watched movies, went to events and even hard times together. But one thing that never changed was I always felt as if something was missing. Something was off, not right about our relationship. And I could never be 100% comfortable because of this. It only added to my depression and anxiety.
>I had to force everything on her
>What went wrong here
Gee, I wonder
She seemed innocent at the time, but of course, the opposite was true. She was always a pain in the ass about things. Say whatever came to her mind, even it would hurt my feelings or belittle me.. She even made fun of my dick once telling me it was small and that it's not really impressive at all. This was supposed to be in jest, but it hurt me. Like I said, no care, just blurts out whatever the fuck she wants. Anyways, I always had this feeling that even those we had sex and spent a lot of time together, she never really liked me, or at least, liked me in the way I hoped she would -- being the only man she needed in her life, both physically and emotionally fulfilling. She made me feel I was neither. Just like a fun little buddy she liked to have sex with or something. I didn't even enjoy the sex that much. Seriously. I would get pleasure when she left for work and I turned on the computer to fap. Sometimes I couldn't even look at her or maintain erection fucking her. I had to pretend a lot. It hurts me because she was really great, but what is great anyway? Plenty of people can be just as special, interesting and fun. I'm too hung up on her being one of my first actual serious relationships.
Probably worst thing that's ever happened to me, and that's a big list of shit. She didn't do anything but waste my time, money and hurt my feelings. I found this girl who I really liked, and of course, she seemed to be really "into" me. I made the mistake of being her boyfriend. Because relationships are cute and shit, right?
I hate myself and my life even more now which I didn't think was even possible. Now I am 99% certain I am never going to find love or any companion. I'm hardly human anymore. I have no room for feelings or any semblance of hope that I can one day feel like my life ever meant anything.
I feel like being single is the only way for me.
>>16969756
How is it so hard for many to understand that women are people too
..and most people are dicks one way or another, some more than others.
>>16969756
this is the most rape raped i have ever raped.
>>16969756
>>16969767
Are you actually looking for advice, or just blogging?
>>16969800
advice
>2 month relationship
>met at rave
>had to force her to have sex
>after forcing her, she "lets" you do whatever
>disappointed and see it as a sign of cheating
>couldn't get hard or look at her sometimes during sex
>never trust her
>She was great
>Now I'll be alone forever
Doesn't actually sound like anything went RIGHT in the relationship.
>>16969823
You haven't even posted a question. Get professional help.
>>16969828
what should I have done differently?
>>16969756
>I had to force everything on her, initiate everything
That's her fault.
>I was kind of disappointed because I knew she probably was doing this with tons of guys before me.
This is your fault.
>She told me one day, just out of the blue, she sucked off a black coworker once when she was high
This is her fault.
>I don't know why I didn't just walk the fuck out and tell her nice knowing you,
This is your fault.
The theme I'm trying to purvey here is that you both behave and think immaturely. You're 21, barely out of your teen years. In laymen's terms, you're both retarded.
You were in a ship, it was cool at first then it sizzled out because you both behaved like children. Boom. It happens. Welcome to your early 20's. There is literally nothing else you should be doing but looking for the next girl.
>>16969840
>coercing her to do what you want
>not just dropping the bitch
Consider suicide.
>>16969840
>what should I have done differently?
First stop being a manchild, develop some character before trying to maintain a relationship. How do you think you'll be able to maintain it, if you can't even carry yourself upright through life?
Exactly the same goes for her.
Your relationship was meant to fail.
>>16969756
My ninja. From what you've said, it sounds like.
1. You were over-attached (and probably slightly clingy)
2. She was under-attached (and her distance probably noticeably bothered you)
This was never meant to be. The end.
