I don't know Lady. Think your five-year relationship is worth picking up a book on psychology
Think maybe a serious long-term relationship isn't in anyone's best interest at the time considering the immature nature of both of your thoughts?

I really don't know. But you do

>>16964810
I am pretty good with psychology but I really can't unlock the nature of this dysfunction.

I have a very mentally ill husband, and we are in year 6 of our relationship and I have just convinced him to start counselling now. Basically just take over. Make an appointment for him when you know he'll be free and take him to it yourself, probably on a weekend or whatever. If he complains just be stubborn and stand your ground. Don't take no for an answer. At the very least, contact NAMI and see if they can send over someone to visit you to offer you support in helping your mentally ill BF.

>>16964852
Thanks - this is the kind of advice I was looking for. It is REALLY hard dealing with someone mentally ill but there is love there.
I haven't heard of NAMI. I get the impression that he would like someone to take control but I honestly wish he could find the control himself.
He has had drug problems in the past that are for the most part better but they have left behind some dysfunctionality.

He works but I am worried he will lose his job. Most people who meet him strongly feel he is mentally ill. It is hard!

>>16964865
Mine had issues with drugs as well. This is his second year clean, but I will warn you the drug use can mask or distort mental problems significantly which might not be apparent in whole for a good while after people stop using. If he is still using any drugs, including weed or alcohol, you need to encourage him to stop until he can get his problems managed at the least. If you are using as well, i suggest you stop as well because it will make it easier for him and show him that you are serious about things.
In these situations, if you are in a relationship, it's your responsibility to take control. He physically cannot do so himself due to illness. You have to keep that in mind and not blame him for it, because blaming him will just breed more resentment, and resentment is your biggest enemy in all this.

These people can help you and other people involved in his life support him through this: nami.org/Find-Support/NAMI-Programs/NAMI-Family-Support-Group

>>16964788
"Mentally ill" isn't all that helpful. What is actually wrong with him? Try to describe his problems.

>>16964829
Seriously?
Stress related triggers cause him to laps into anxiety and behavoural changes.

Literaly tell him we'll talk when we are calm and till then not to stress you out.

We are, not you are. defensive is bad

>>16964788
why live your life like this? though mental illness horrible it not your problem. all you'll do is try to manage a chaotic life and give and give and get very little in return. find someone you don't have to mother nor fix

This >>16964938

What's wrong with him?

He is mentally ill. This isn't just being stressed out.

Example: he called 911 on himself on Christmas because he spent present money on bud. Cops showed up, told me his is mentally ill.

I don't know what his diagnosis is because he has never been to a psychiatrist. But he is clearly mentally ill. Extreme anger and mood changes, obsessions over really small things, he is just mentally ill. Something in his brain does not work right and I don't know if it ever will.

Anyone who has spent more than ten minutes with the man says "its clear he has some sort of mental illness" but it is difficult to define and he has a lot of great ualitie

>>16965049
good lord girl then just leave

>>16964912
> resentment is your biggest enemy in all this.

This rings very true.
I am going to try to remember this.

He is a really lovable person and I know he is struggling with his demons because he talks it over a lot but it ends up being a waste of my time because he doesn't change.

I don't use drugs. I encourage him to stop but he can't beat the bud addiction. Its better than coke but he is so dependent on it

>>16965052
Well, i care about him.
Also -
I have seen a lot of bad behind "normal" relationships. A lot of cheating and lying.
I have a loving partner who is faithful and genuine in many ways but he is struggling nonstop with his own mind and emotions

Is it better to go for the dude who seems all good and acts correctly but is screwing my best friend behind my back?

>>16965049
>I don't know what his diagnosis is because he has never been to a psychiatrist.
Sounds like it's time for him to see one. Long, long past time, to be honest.
Might be schizophrenic, some have similar symptoms (know a couple cases that were like this, they didn't end well but your relationship seems much stronger), and many are resistant to seeing doctors even when they know they have serious problems.

Even the most severe forms of schizophrenia (which it doesn't sound like he has) are substantially treatable, and having a loving/understanding partner is a huge help. Good luck.

>>16965067
not everyone is like that. just telling you this is years of struggle and it only goes down hill

>>16965134
Not true. My husband is very ill, avoidant personality disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and major depressive disorder and things have gotten much better for us overall. He now takes care of himself physically, doesn't use drugs or drink, occupies himself with hobbies, and we are moving into our first home at the end of next month. He's still anxious a lot, but we've gotten better at dealing with high anxiety days and knowing his limits.

On the other end of the spectrum, my mother is schizophrenic. It's ups and downs with her, but she never just got worse without improving later. Things like this are much more cyclical.

"He refuses counseling, he is always "too busy" and he blames it all on being poor."

You can't help people who refuse to be helped.

>>16965129
I know his father was diagnosed with manic depression. He doesn't seem like he gets too manic, although after several months of sobriety from cocaine he said "it made me feel like I was caught up with myself" - but he has never done anything like go on shopping benders or get excited about something and work on it nonstop. He has no life goals which seems depressing to me, and no hobbies.
Bad relationship with mother, when he was on coke he would hallucinate and have conversations with her when she wasnt there.


Now I had extreme anxiety and body dysmorphia and I worked through it with lots of counseling, motivation, and self help.

He doesn't have life goals sohe doesnt have motivation. He talks about "having money" so "I will respect him more," but he has no concrete plans.
I can't give him motivation....

>>16964852

This.. If indeed you do care about him.
It's a sad fact that a person with these difficulties will be less capable of finding the correct help.. Or any help. It will be a kindness to help him into therapy - even of you do decide that he has more problems than you can withstand over the coming years.

>>16965644
Well when I love someone and make a commitment I don't take it lightly.
If you love someone and they became physically ill would you just leave them?

Im the mentally ill one in my relationship. It took me a while to realise my behaviour was strange or upsetting to others. Im not medication and I see a therapist now. You should think about reccomending a doctor or psychiatrist to your SO.