I need some serious help, whenever I talk to someone, the most difficult thing is keeping eye contact. It is extremely awkward and I can't seem to get the timing of how long to look at them. I either continuously look away every 2 seconds or I stare too deeply into their eyes for too long and all of this is very uncomfortable. I'm starting college next week and I went to orientation yesterday and It was cringe worthy socially for me, does anyone have this problem and/or a solution to it? I'm really trying not to be that weird awkward guy like I was in High School.
>>16960124
Armchair doctor here: sounds like you're autistic.
>>16960168
I'm not, I do have bad social anxiety though, but It's an on an off thing that just get's more awkward the longer the conversations goes on.
Avoiding eye contact is a signal that one is anxious, afraid or intimidated.
Looking in the eye is a signal of confidence and power.
When talking to people, you should always look in their eyes, simply choose one eye and stick to it, if you think you're making the person uncomfortable you can simply look away for a moment pretending to look at something in your surroundings and then look back into the eye, but do it smoothly and calmly.
There are people who are easily intimidated, anxious and simply can't maintain eye contact, specially if they're talking to someone with a strong aura of confidence and power, but if you're making everyone in the room uncomfortable then you're probably gazing at them like a serial killer, just look people in the eye normally, don't stare at them like you're superman shooting laser beams.
>>16960322
I try but it's difficult, I try to look people right in the eyes but it's like I slowly loose focus and get pulled into their eyes and look to deeply, which is weird for me and for them probably. I don't really interact with people unless it's business related, but despite all these years it's only improved slightly, I feel like I'm at my limit of improvement.
I have the same problem. Sometimes I'll be looking directly into people's eyes and I'll see them frown as if they're asking themselves 'why is this dweeb staring at me?' and I'll just panic.
>>16960375
How do you deal with it?
>>16960124
"Looking someone in the eye" is really just a phrase. We actually spend most of our time looking others in the mouth, because we all lip-read more than we realize.
What it really means is looking them in the face, rather than looking away. That isn't hard/
>>16960636
I would think looking someone in the mouth would be very weird. and as far as looking them the face, it's still odd looking at parts of their face while talking. maybe it is a lost cause for me.
Move your gaze within the triangle area formed by the eyes and chin
>>16960636
What the fuck...
If i were to bother with a cringe/best of /adv/ folder i'd definitely screencap this
>"Looking someone in the eye" is really just a phrase. We actually spend most of our time looking others in the mouth,
My. fucking. sides.
I hope no one takes this seriously
>>16960832
Hmmm seems a little odd but I'll give it a try. Thanks.
I have the same problem, annoying as shit but I just can't look people in the eyes for more than a few seconds. I think it's because I used to have this teacher that used to force me into looking her in the eyes then she'd slap me back when I was a kid.
I usually tell people this after a while and a lot of girls actually find it really cute.
Same problem with me as well.
Every time I look some one in the eyes I feel like my life is being drained away, and feel like I'm staring at an empty void. I hate this feeling but I don't want to feel this way either.
>>16961068
>teacher that used to force me into looking her in the eyes then she'd slap me
Lol sorry to make light of your bad experience but that sounds kind of hot actually.
any more suggestions?
A co-worker of mine used to have trouble looking at people in the eye. He'd only really ever do it if he was using the corner of his eye, but now that I've known him for a while it's not something I've noticed at all, but I do notice that he tends to have more focus when he's listening to people talk, which is probably what you're talking about when you mention deep staring. I think that most people use subtle facial gestures to respond to what the other person is saying (like a really slight head nod to something you're following or agreeing with, or squinting your eyes a bit when you're trying to understand something). He tends to keep a blank expression, which doesn't really bother me but I can see why people would think it's weird, because it's different. Honestly it's easier for me to talk to someone who is staring at me deeply than to someone who is constantly looking away from me.
>>16962121
I'll keep that in mind, thanks.
>>16962121
This is a public speaking video I just found when I threw a few terms into Youtube, forget about the advice that she's giving, just look at how she talks. She'll use her eyebrows a lot to go along with her tone and she tends to have a more dominating voice (and expression) when she's making a point, and then she'll bring in a quick smile and lighten her voice up when she's wrapping her point up to drive it into your head in a positive way.
If she were talking directly to me, as a listener, I would look at her eyes and use my facial expressions to reflect how I feel about what she's saying as she's saying it. A lot of the time, people are just telling you something and you don't feel one way or the other about it, in this case a blank stare is fine.
>>16962142
fuck
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GP9xGRPSreQ
I know how you feel OP, not because i can't, but just because i find myself staring at the mouth of the person talking to me...i don't know how people i talk to "feel" about this
>>16962142
>>16962145
Thank you
