It must've gotten lost in the mail

>>16958119
"And you didn't call us to confirm the RSVP!?"

>>16958126
I was busy with the wedding. Dave was supposed to do that

>>16958126
no nigga we had a ton of shit to do. no time to babysit adults

The trick is to send it out really close to the date for them. Like really close. It's as simple as that.

>>16958119
Way too obvious. My idea is better. Send it shortly before.

>>16958136
nice.
>>16958140
nicer. implies family is babies.

please keep the suggestions coming. I need a whole hatful of tricks to throw at my grandma since I know she'll have no plans.

>>16958147
Postmarks will reveal your trickery.

My idea is better. Simplicity is sound. The fact that it is also cliché helps solidify that "it could happen to anyone"

>>16958157
OP here. bribing a post office worker to mark my letter and then hide it until July was one of my thoughts.

tampering with mail in this way is probably highly illegal though, isn't it?

>>16958184
Bribery will fuck you before. Keep it simple, stupid

>>16958097
So, your mom is still talking to her abusers.
She's the one that has to cut them off, they won't on their own!
Anyway, it's YOUR wedding. How is your relationship with them harpies? It can't be that great, show your cojones and tell them to FUCK OFF. Not because of your mother, but because you can't stand the evil stench coming from their bullshit-holes.

They'll get mad at you, but... eh, do you have any contact with them, any tie whatsoever?
Your mom can safely side with them afterwards as needed. She doesn't sound very strong.

>>16958097
You can't inb4 your own thread you dipshit.

Also, you seem like a cunt. Just invite your fucking family and make it clear it is your day, not theirs; thus they need to behave themselves.

Stop with this petty/shallow manipulation you are engaging in. You are making your family situation worse whether you are willing to acknowledge it or not.

>>16958237
>So, your mom is still talking to her abusers.
Yes, regularly.
>She's the one that has to cut them off, they won't on their own!
This won't happen. She displays a lot of classic signs of abuse in that she always "goes back" to them. Says she's going to cut them out, then it becomes, "well, I'll just be polite when they call" and then "well, I'll just call them to check in on them," and "well, what can I do, they're my family?"
>Anyway, it's YOUR wedding. How is your relationship with them harpies? It can't be that great, show your cojones and tell them to FUCK OFF. Not because of your mother, but because you can't stand the evil stench coming from their bullshit-holes.
I don't talk to them. The last time I saw them was at my college graduation, but I paid very little attention to them. I don't reach out to them at all.
>They'll get mad at you, but... eh, do you have any contact with them, any tie whatsoever?
No, I don't have any contact with them, but they won't get mad at me. They'll be convinced that somehow my mom "manipulated" me into not inviting them to get a dig in at them. This will cause trouble for her.
>Your mom can safely side with them afterwards as needed. She doesn't sound very strong.
She's not. At first she was on board with me not inviting them, but as the date draws closer, she became more and more clearly uncomfortable with the idea because she doesn't want any backlash from them--even suggesting that I elope and have no wedding at all so that she can't be blamed.

Don't get me wrong: I personally have no problem telling them, "I didn't invite you because I don't want you there." But I know they'll disregard that it was my decision and start shit with my mom. It's like I've got some sort of immunity against them and so they don't even try to fuck with me because I don't give a shit about them.

>>16958270
>Just invite your fucking family and make it clear it is your day, not theirs; thus they need to behave themselves.
are you implying that shitty people will behave themselves after they've specifically been given rules to behave themselves?

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I just really see all of this blowing up really bad on you. You say they'll blame your mother if you don't invite them right? What happens when they start thinking it was a conspiracy against them, especially since it kind of actually is?

I just see them blaming your mother for this too, except even worse. Shitty people make up all sorts of nonsense to justify their shitty behavior, and I don't really imagine they'd just let something like this pass. I've had to cut out some toxic family members too, and in my experience no matter what you do they will try to make themselves out to be a victim.

>>16958272
Fuck your mom then.
She is too far in to work her issues out before a wedding already in planning.
How about a mom-less wedding?

The other option is, invite the toxics and put a couple of your friends on them, with the task of minimizing the damage and calling (or acting as) security if they go too far. Expect a scene early in the reception, but after that they're OUT. Also expect them to wear white.

>>16958272
It sounds like no matter what you do, they're just going to shit up your day and treat your mom like shit. Do what makes YOU happy and don't invite them. If they give her shit, it's on her to stand up for herself. It doesn't sound like she's reached the breaking point yet.

>>16958278
Yes, if there are consequences.

The world isn't black and white you petulant fucking child.

>>16958302
everything you say here is true.

I won't lie. yeah, it is a conspiracy against them. I don't want them there but I feel like I have to do some complicated dance to protect my mom.

> I've had to cut out some toxic family members too, and in my experience no matter what you do they will try to make themselves out to be a victim.

so, what would you do in this situation? just not invite them? invite them late? invite them and deal with the possibility of someone slapping your mom during your wedding? (for the record, yes, I DO think someone would do that)

>>16958320
Invite them and trust your friends to take care of them.

I've only been a best man once but I've had to forcibly escort a semi-drunken bridesmaid out of the ceremony before.

You are only fucking over your mother by not inviting them.

>>16958310
>Fuck your mom then.
>She is too far in to work her issues out before a wedding already in planning.
>How about a mom-less wedding?

you can't blame an abuse victim for acting like an abuse victim. I love my mom.

>>16958317
>people will always do exactly what you tell them to if there are consequences
>the world isn't black and white

>>16958320
>I feel like I have to do some complicated dance to protect my mom.
You can't protect her. The sooner you realize this, the less complicated this whole ordeal will be. As long as she has contact with them, they will always treat her like hot garbage. They're already ruining your day by making you over-think this shit.

>>16958346
>you can't blame an abuse victim for acting like an abuse victim. I love my mom.
It's not her fault.
It's not her fault.
You can still make the strategic decision to fuck your mom, not invite her either, and move away from the whole mess.
It will suck, but the alternative is to have the toxic family at the wedding, and deal with them and the ruckus they'll cause.
Consequences might not be enough, unless you've got some juicy blackmail material.

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>>16958320
>I don't want them there but I feel like I have to do some complicated dance to protect my mom.
Which is understandable in and of itself. One of the reasons I cut out my aunt, my mothers half sibling, is because I found out she'd try to guilt trip her whenever she gave me one of her gratuitous gifts. Even though none of that abuse was directed at me, that doesn't mean my mother should ever have to go through that shit.

>so, what would you do in this situation? just not invite them?
Yeah basically. As I said, what happens when they decide there's a conspiracy against them? You said if you tell them to fuck off they'll think your mother is behind it, so if you try to do this elaborate dance it is only logical to assume they'll blame your mother for this even greater insult. She'll just end up going through even more drama if she still refuses to stand up for yourself.

I want to make it clear, they will blame it as some grand conspiracy. Even if it was just a really big coincidence, they will take it as an insult and attack your mother. Mentally ill people don't really function on our same wavelength that requires a degree of logic. Don't try to trick them, because they will conjure up some explanation that makes THEM the victim regardless of what happened.

I think you should talk to your mother, and try to build some more firm boundaries with that extended family. Even if it's just temporary, hopefully the worst of it will pass by the time she breaks down. Honestly maybe even hook her up with a therapist, it sounds like they're pretty good at manipulating her.

>>16958394
everything you're saying is SO in tune with my family it's ridiculous. right now it's between assigning friends/family to "babysit" them or just calling up my mom and telling her they aren't invited and I'm putting my foot down and she can just direct any of their phone calls to me.

I do appreciate all the advice here in the thread, especially >>16958394

it's really reassuring to hear how other people have dealt with this shit