How come people (with normal families) grow up with poor social skills? Im not talking about being the center of attention but not knowing how to act in a social gathering? I mean Inst that something a person learns as a kid?
Humans evolved in tribes (or troops) and need massive social stimulation to develop normally.
>>16955344
I just understood the context of OP's question. This is probably correct OP, the times I have grown the most were when I was in a group and there were clear goals(school/work projects for example)
Yeah i know, but i know people that grew up with normal families and yet ended up with terrible social skills.
You may think you know, but you never know the full story, its not always the family that makes someone behave a certain way.
>>16955368
Yeah, this. My brother has nice social skills, he's a normie (I hate to use that word but it is a nice and comprehensible way of saying what I want to say) but I'm a total loser.
sometimes kids are behind their peers developmentally (not intelligence but maturity) and as a result are semi-alienated throughout early life
My family was fairly normal I'd say, but I grew up a total autist (4chan kind). I think the main reason is that my mom was overprotective as hell.
She would watch me out of her window when I was walking to school and look through the windows of the classroom with binoculars sometimes to see what I was doing (school was literally in front of our house), and every day she asked me how I spent my day in school, etc. I felt like I had no privacy, so I started being really secretive and lying a lot. I also never hung out with anyone because I'd feel too awkward to ask my mom if I could, and since she watched me she would see me go with friends even if I didn't tell her.
This is probably where all my problems started, I had some people I talked to in school and stuff but I completely missed out on anything they did outside of school. I also had many crushes but never asked any of them out because I told my parents who constantly asked me if I liked anyone that I didn't. I had no one to trust and no one I could open up to and be myself around. And I still don't.
But to the outside it probably looked like a pretty normal family, hardworking dad and caring mom, I rarely got in trouble at school and had the best grades in the class for a while. Oh well, I don't blame my parents, I'm mostly fine with the way I turned out so whatevs. Plus I doubt she had bad intentions, just was paranoid that something would happen to me and that's why she was overprotective.
>>16955335
families can seem normal on the outside, but in reality be really fucked up. His parents could be narcissistic and treat him like shit while treating the other kids really well and to outside observers nothing would be wrong.
There could be a million reasons, but you really can't know until you've seen the family in private.
>>16955335
Social skills are just that - skills. And like any skills, they have to be learned and practiced.
Some are learned by little kids, like when they figure out how to play together or share toys.
Some, like the incredibly subtle and complicated rules of teenage interaction, can only be learned "on-the-job" - you don't get the opportunity to figure them out and try your skills until you're already in the deep water.
It may help to know that EVERYBODY is bluffing like crazy and trying desperately to stay afloat. It's just that, as with any skills, some pick them up faster than others and thus look more expert.
>>16955335
My family seems normal. My parents both work successful jobs, but they are really pretty introverted and they worked a lot when I was a kid, so they would send me to stay with another family. When they picked me up, they just always wanted alone time after interacting with people all day at work. They just kind of left me alone. I guess they never thought it was weird I didn't have friends because they also don't have friends.
The sad part is, since they sent me to a normal family a lot when I was a kid, I turned out to be more extraverted and can't be happy by myself, but I also don't have the social skills to make friends and I have horrible social anxiety. As a result, I'm constantly miserable.
