24, Living with parents, feeling lost

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Anonymous
24, Living with parents, feeling lost 2016-03-25 04:40:24 Post No. 16955062
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24, Living with parents, feeling lost Anonymous 2016-03-25 04:40:24 Post No. 16955062 [Report]

This is really just a vent but I don't really talk to anyone irl. I recently moved back home after a bad breakup and meth abuse. She was my first girlfriend, well it wasn't a good idea in the first place though because I'm gay. I just did it because I was trying to be normal. I work a construction job 40 HR a week now and it's not too bad, but I'm unnecessarily venting on my new coworkers.

So now I'm back at home, and I'm realizing that I totally hate my parents. I'm being as out of the way as possible - I do all the chores I used to do, I clean my dishes as soon as I'm done, I even cook with my mom like I did tonight. But I have hid everything about myself, since I was very young, from them. They are very religious ( you wouldn't believe ) and don't even know I'm gay.

Basically they have no idea who I am, and I want to just leave, but they want me to stay for the summer. I know it's the right thing to do. My life was always "I just gotta get out and then I can handle them", and it still is. I really fucked up by forgetting that and coming back. I just got to make it througj the summer without exploding and it will be best for all of us. Sigh..

It just is really sad time right now. I cry a lot but alone, I have no one who understands me. I am so quiet that I make everyone uncomfortable. I would never try to kill myself and I never have, but I don't value my life. Often I think I would like to just take my little savings and drive away somewhere, throw away my phone. I'm not afraid of anything, because I have nothing to lose..

I know it sounds dramatic.. It's just how I feel.. Maybe writing it out helped

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Anonymous 2016-03-25 05:39:48 Post No.16955178
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Anonymous 2016-03-25 05:39:48 Post No.16955178 [Report]

Am I so bad that I don't get one response? I guess it goes to show how far I will go.. My words cannot reach my family. And they cannot even reach the anonymous.

Maybe this is Godtelling me to come out. I never thought I would need to but maybe that's what it is. I will think on that some more, I guess..

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Anonymous 2016-03-25 05:53:48 Post No.16955197
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Anonymous 2016-03-25 05:53:48 Post No.16955197 [Report]

>>16955178

>dear diary

You had a girlfriend but you're gay? Why'd you move back home? Why don't you move out? Are you still a useless druggie?

You didn't even ask us anything in that tl;dr.

also;
>adv is a slow board so no responses
>It's a sign from God to come out XD
Dude..

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Anonymous 2016-03-25 06:01:48 Post No.16955211
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Anonymous 2016-03-25 06:01:48 Post No.16955211 [Report]

>>16955062
you are no alone OP, I dont really have anything significant to say to make you feel better as I was actually crying 10 mins ago wishing I wouldnt wake up. if you decide to stay with them through the summer just remember that eventually summer will end. Try not to be so hard on your coworkers also, you never know when they might be in some deep shit too.

Stay hydrated and eat clean.

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Anonymous 2016-03-25 08:28:29 Post No.16955514
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Anonymous 2016-03-25 08:28:29 Post No.16955514 [Report]

I'm 20 years old, I'm not a full time student, I've never worked a day in my life, I don't do any chores, not even washing my dishes, my parents pay for everything and buy me things. I feel you. Try to be friends with your parents and stuff. Avoiding them won't help.