So my friends who I have been with for many years kinda split up without any real reason awhile ago. Lets call the groups A and B. B has been sorta of avoiding A for a few months and I had no idea why and as far as I knew group A didn't either. I recently learned there was a bit of a cold war between a couple in group A and the rest of group B. The dude in the couple part of group A has apparently sexually assaulted someone (and potentially more) and admitted to it when confronted by group B. He ended up hiding behind his depression as an excuse to be pitied and his girlfriend defended him taking the blame as hers for not being good enough for him (or something like that the details aren't clear) She and him kind of avoid the subject now and hide it from anyone they that doesn't know. Feeling awkward and slightly unsafe with Group A, Group B avoided contact with them and eventually thought it would be okay to tell me about the situation. I'm kinda left wondering what I should do.
I kinda want everyone to get along again but I wont force it. I also kinda want to stop my friend in group A (if its an ongoing issue. I don't know since I haven't confronted them yet since that subject is taboo with them) from going to jail if its really just a mental thing and he needs help.
Sorry if this is a bit scattered about. I'm at a loss at the whole situation and feel the need to do something but don't really know where to even start.
Pic cute but unrelated
>>16947562
hey, you seem really concerned about your friends and their well being, even if rapist in Group A is an actual rapist.
Good for you for trying to take a step back and be like, "HMMMMM."
Also good for you for not flipping out and crucifying Mr. Rapey.
I think you're on the right track of being aware of the situation and being against the behavior without violence or judgment. I would just keep that up. You can disagree with Mr. Rapey's behavior but still be like, "Look man I still love you. What you did wasn't right and you have to fix that.. but you're still my friend." Accepting someone's flaws is not the same as taking them on as your own.
Just don't get caught up in the bullshit. Be above it.
>>16947562
>>16947601
Who did he sexually assault? Did he actually rape someone, or did he get drunk and grab a girl's ass without permission? Is the victim pressing charges? Sexual assault can mean a lot of things, I really can't judge it without a little more info
But if he actually raped someone, or anywhere near it, and he and the people in group A are like excusing it or sweeping it under the rug, I would distance myself if I were you. Friend or not. You don't have to condemn him or hate him, but I wouldn't try to help him dodge responsibility or consequences for what he did. Choose your friends carefully. You already seem to acknowledge that he's just using depression as an excuse, but I don't think you really understand yet what that implies about his character and his judgment. Rape is not a symptom of mental illness, it's a choice. And if he's still looking for a way to avoid or lessen his responsibility for what he did, then he didn't learn anything, he didn't change, and something like this could easily happen again
You can't just be around that. It'll fuck up your life. He's making his own choices here, you don't have to go down with the ship just because you used to think he was a good guy. You learned something new about him, and you can't really un-learn it now and go back to how it was
>>16947639
>or lessen his responsibility for what he did
Kind of hard to take responsibility when society will lock you up, throw away the key to your entire life, and cheer when you get abused in prison.
If we as a society want people to take responsibility for their actions and work to change, maybe we should give them the opportunity to do so and ya know, actually make it right.
That's if he raped anyone. OP doesn't know, it's just he said she said at this point.
>>16947665
You're either an idiot or a rapist
>>16947665
Actually sounds more like it was "She said, and he said too but his depression made him do it."
OP here sorry about the late reply. The victims were just "assaulted" I don't have much details into it but I know its certainly not rape. The victims don't really want to be involved with it anymore and just wanna get on with their lives it seems. For me it's more of a matter of trying to avoid the situation from getting any worse for the dude in Group A. Thanks for the replies I stuck leaving for a trip out of the country tomorrow and I just want one less thing to worry about while I am gone
>>16947825
>For me it's more of a matter of trying to avoid the situation from getting any worse for the dude in Group A
In what way? Why? You don't have to turn your back on him, but I REALLY wouldn't put in extra effort to excuse/cover up the stuff he did. He made his choices, whatever exactly they were, and the consequences aren't really in your control at this point.
But it's poor judgment for you to be speaking up loud to defend someone for sexually assaulting someone, apparently multiple people since you're saying "victims."
