What you get online is basically people without the filter that social convention applies.

Their internal thoughts are likely just as dickish, but how they express those thoughts publicly are moderated by their fear of how others with perceive them and the resulting loss of status or validation.

Also people often aren't as great at having to feel bad as they think. Words, inflection, body language etc all apply a significant amount of non-verbal communication which will modify their initial or subsequent actions.

As you start to remove the consequences or separate the empathic human connection from interactions the filter can fade a little. Like you are unlikely to point something out directly to a person, but you might shit talk them when they go to the bathroom amongst the group because they are no longer there.

In terms of 'honesty' this is all subjective. I'd advise not disclosing things which will make you feel uncomfortable to people who will make you feel uncomfortable. I don't know the theory of it all, but other people go on about safe spaces.

I can't tell the asshole guys at work anything because they'll fuck me over with it just for fun. Some might say "what a shame", but seriously, it'd be my own dumb fault to give them any ammunition.

Equally some of my super PC friends are actually quite insidious and vulture like. They crave connection and inside information and act in a certain way to prompt disclosure in order to gain information which validates their perception of being super friends. That sucks more than the assholes at work.

>>16941913
>I'd advise not disclosing things which will make you feel uncomfortable to people who will make you feel uncomfortable
This seems like a pretty good rule of thumb.

Thing is, everyone makes me uncomfortable. The better I know them, the less often they do, but they still do.

>>16941888
There is no need to tell people your problems.

If you have a friend you're comfortable with, and he suggests going someplace (a party, or group) where you're likely to be uncomfortable, you can say something like "I'm really uncomfortable in situations like that. I'll come, but stick close to me until I begin to relax."

>>16942235
>There is no need to tell people your problems.
I know. Thank you for the tip about the honesty with friends -- even that I have trouble with. But I'm wondering if there's any harm in explaining to strangers why I'm acting abnormally. I think it'd be better than allowing them to jump to their own conclusions, even if they don't accept it or find it weird.

I've been put into positions where I've had to tell strangers and they've either ignored it like it was too weird to address, or had them look briefly shocked like I just told them I was a pedophile.

But at least they have the truth and not their presumptions, which they may spread.

Sincerely, please tell me why this is the wrong approach and a better way to handle their judgement/presumptions.

>>16942334
Because people have their own opinion about you. You can't control their opinion on you even if you tell them the truth. And sometimes honesty could be misinterpreted as an act of asking for attention.

Find someone you can trust and talk about it to that person only. In case people are talking about you behind your back, you got this person to support you (assuming he's not some piece of shit that would stabbed you behind your back).

>>16942334
Try not stating outright what the problem is specifically and explicitly known as (e.g. I suffer from social anxiety) but rather describing briefly and somewhat vaguely whatever symptom of it you're currently experiencing (e.g. I sometimes get nervous in x situations)