I've just gone official with a girl I'm seeing long distance, we're about 500 miles apart til after summer, after that we'll be on different continents for another year until she moves to my country.
She is really great for me and I'm willing to make it work even when she's across the atlantic and have like 1 visit every couple of months MAX.
I guess what I want here are people with experience from this where it worked out and you lived happily ever after so I don't have to doubt my decision to be with her and invest myself more and more in this
>>16935767
LDRs aren't real relationships. They're placeholders between in person relationships. Enjoy being an emotional tampon while she rides the cock carousel.
>>16935786
She's not like that, she was a virgin before she was with me and she's a true introvert, hates parties and loves staying inside reading.
Honestly not worried at all she would cheat on me.
I see her about every 2-3 weeks now since it's only two train rides away and it's the best each time, how is it not a real relationship?
LDRs are 100x harder than normal relationships. I'm in one at the moment and it's pretty painful at times. But mine has no end in sight yet, and I'm discovering sides of my bf's I'm not terribly happy with. Sorry this is not a happy ending, just wanted to say they can work and I wish you success in yours!
>>16935800
>how is it not a real relationship?
Because seeing someone every few months isn't a relationship. There's no give and take, there's no sacrifice, its getting wrapped up in romance and fantasies without actually having to do any of the things that actually make a relationship work.
Having a relationship with someone you only see over the internet is a fantasy, its not real, you take all the best parts of each other and fawn over them without ever having to, frankly, DEAL with each other.
You're not actually dedicating yourself to a person. You're dedicating yourself to an idea; a dream that you can float in and out of whenever you feel lonely. There's a reason LDRs don't work and I've given you just a few.
>I guess what I want here are people with experience from this where it worked out and you lived happily ever
You want people here to help you fortify your fantasy and help you believe that everything will work out and I'm not here to tell you its impossible to maintain a long distance relationship but I will tell you its far from likely. Long distance relationships almost never work; that's a fact.
You want us to convince you not to doubt your decision but making any decision and refusing to doubt it no matter how unlikely it iisn't healthy. Thats not called making a decision its called convincing yourself of a fantasy.
>>16935851
I like this post, and my relationship was LDr for 2 yearsl We've been dating happily for 5 years though so it's that special case, we met 3 years ago and live together now
It only works if you both are mature enough to separate fantasy from reality and it takes loads of patience and a lot of emotional strain.
Only do it if you're 100% dedicated to making it work and are willing to distinguish the reality from the shit you're projecting.
>>16935846
I wish you the best too, but can I ask what made you go for a relationship with someone where there was no end in sight?
For me a deciding factor was that she wanted to relocate here in the first place before she even met me, I don't think I could have dated someone if neither had plans to move
>>16935851
It's more often than every few months I just told you we meet every 2-3 weeks, then we spend 24/7 with each other for an extended weekend. I've been in real relationships and in those it has been more like, meet once or twice during weekdays and one weekend day, these are not even whole days. I'm seeing my SO more than that the weeks we meet now, it's just not every week.
You're being very unfair and assume an awful lot, I know her good and bad sides and I continue to learn as in any normal relationship, we have disagreements and reconcile.
Sure that last sentence sounds very fantasy convincing, but it's too easy to find examples of LDR's not working out, I just feel like the one I'm in is not like the ones I read about, we meet very regularly, we have a set last date when she will move to my town. I want to hear stories where I can relate.
>>16935851
I disagree. Infact a lot of long distance relationships excel on the communication front because all you CAN do is communicate.
>>16935898
>Infact a lot of long distance relationships excel on the communication front because all you CAN do is communicate.
Its a lesser form of communication. Forming an emotional bond with a picture on a screen does not excel in communication as opposed to a living person standing right in front of you. That's a ridiculous thing to think.
When you can run away from a problem or an issue with your significant other by pushing the ESC key, that's a hint that you're not in a real relationship. It doesn't force confrontation or REAL, tactile problem solving.
That is what keeps a relationship going, the ability to look your SO in the face and accept them for who they are, not chatting on the internet for hours.
>but it's too easy to find examples of LDR's not working out,
Because statistically, they don't work. Its too easy to find examples of people dying from getting shot but not because its convenient to a narrative but because its true.
>I just feel like the one I'm in is not like the ones I read about, we meet very regularly, we have a set last date when she will move to my town. I want to hear stories where I can relate.
That's all nice and wonderful, but like I said we're not here to bolster your fantasy. We're here to tell you the truth, and you seem not to want to accept it.
LDRs, although not impossible, usually don't work. The more you start accepting the fact that there's a chance this won't work and accepting the reasons WHY it won't the better your chances will be.
At this point all you're doing is coming up with excuses as for why your situation is different from everyone else, not accepting the flaw in your plan and trying to reconcile it.
The truth is you DONT know her good sides and bad sides, not until you live together and start having an actual relationship as opposed to this every 2-3 vacation relationship you're doing now where you both live off of the high of seeing each other for a weekend then go back to your separate lives
>>16935942
I know it doesn't usually work obviously but what can I do, I'm 24 years old and have never met anyone I click with like this, I have to be honest to how I feel and go for this even if the odds are against it.
All I am saying here is that the odds are more in our favor seeing as the circumstance isn't simply a meeting someone across the world online with no particular plan to ever move, my situation lies on the foundation that she will be in my town, presumably in my apt in a little over a year.
>The truth is you DONT know her good sides and bad sides, not until you live together and start having an actual relationship
Can you not have a real relationship until you live with your girlfriend? I understand that it's a sign of a more real relationship, but surely you don't mean it's not serious unless you live together every day of the week.
>>16935873
This. If you're emotionally mature your chances are a bit stronger. FYI, the brain fully matures at 25 for most people so if you're 25+ the odds are in your favor. Good luck, OP. If you truly want to be with this girl you're gonna have to really work your butt off to make this work.
>>16935942
Damn dude. Dat truth.
>>16935989
Listen, I don't want to sound like an asshole, but you're acting very short sighted. The fact that you believe you haven't clicked with anyone as well as you have with a person that is miles and miles away from you is a testament on how structurally sound your relationship isn't.
>>16935942
This man has seen some shit.
>>16935989
>have never met anyone I click with like this
This happens online more often because people are much more adept at hiding their flaws - you're not seeing her enough to see her flaws so you think she's some kind of goddess which is pretty much an extended infatuation phase.
Like the other guy said, it isn't a real relationship.
>>16937124
>>16937215
I'm still confused by you guys, is it not possible to be in a relationship with someone you don't live with and also know 100% about? I don't see what the huge difference is to having a girlfriend you see 3 times a week in your own town, except this is more like every other week and we video chat in between.
The relationship obviously moves slower but how is it any less real?
We're seeing each other as much as we can, see good and bad sides, what else can you ask for?
You're making a lot of assumptions based on nothing other than the fact that I like her, she's not on a pedestal she's very much a person like anyone else
>>16937838
Im in the same exact position as you right now. I really understand how you feel and i dont think we'll understand how these people mean until we go through it our selves. Until then we'll just enjoy our situations dude. Anything could work with enough dedication
>>16935767
I've been with my boyfriend since 2008. Part of our relationship was long distance.
We met online, spent the first 2 years 500 km apart. I was 15, he was 17 when we started. We met every month or so, during school, but we spent all holidays together. We pretty much lived together for 4 months a year.
When he finished high school he moved closer to me and we started living together, at first with my parents while I was finishing high school and then we moved in together in our house.
I think that the 4 years we lived together were the happiest and the best of our relationship. We had a lot of fun, got to know each other desperately well, and adored every second.
After that he had to move abroad, in July, last year - He'll move back in a week.
It was the hardest time we ever had. We met every 3 weeks, but the time apart was shitty. Didn't feel like a relationship. Can't wait till he's here and we can get back to our relationship.
I think that LDR are cool if you have a lot of time and energy to invest on them, you're not a needy person and you are mature enough to deal with them.
If you don't see an end in the "long distance" part, no way it will work. If you're not ready to communicate everything you feel, if you're the kind of person who holds grudges, who gets mad or jealous easily, if you're needy, no way it will work. If you fall in love with the idea of the person and rush too much into the relationship, you're fucked.
You kind of live small honeymoon periods every time you meet, which is something you don't have in a "real" relationship, so it's hard to separate the idea you have of your partner and who they really are - the relationship lacks of routine, daily life, etc. It's easy to pretend you're perfect if you live your relationship 4 days a month, when all you have to do is dedicate your total attention to your partner.
I would NEVER do it again, but I am happy I did and I am happy of my relationship.
>>16938008
Hey best of luck to you
>>16938057
This is a great reply, thanks for this it gave me a lot to think about.
My girlfriend was in Asia for 3 years. We started off by talking constantly but when we got jobs we just skyped on the weekends. We are excellent at communicating with each other so it was really easy and quite cool too. We also had the space we needed to become successful in our own fields, before getting a coastal apartment in a nice city.
The important things to have right are personality, ambitions, and communication. It wont work if you're dating someone trashy.
