Welcome back to the night thread. Will help everyone as much as possible.
Continuing from the old thread
Will be up from 11pm to 7am
Ask anything, don't be afraid, I will answer.
How can I figure out WHY I procrastinate? Why do I do this to myself?? Is it as simple as wanting instant gratification or could there be a deeper reason? How do I figure out what that is?
>>16929605
>Be 19 years old
>Everything going well, in college
>Mom and Dad come home over Christmas break, both very upset
>Turns out mom cheated on dad
>Very pissed because dad busted his ass to provide for me and my brother
>Distance myself from my mother for about a month
>Find out mother has cheated other times
>Find out most of family knew and did nothing at all
>Eventually I'm able to talk to my mom
>She moved out to my grandma's
>Rarely speaks to me, maybe a text a week
>Have told her that she doesn't talk to me enough
>Say this multiple times, says she'll be better, doesn't happen
TL;DR Mom fucked up family and now won't talk to me. Basically says she's trying to give me space, but I know it's BS. How do I try to cope with this? Should I try to mend things together? Should I leave her behind?
>>16929611
you procrastinate because you're content with not meeting deadlines and you don't know how good it feels to actually finish things, knowing that they're behind you and you don't have to worry about them. that's the deepest i can say. you're just lazy anon. you're not unique at all, there's nothing special that's wrong with you, you're just lazy.
>>16929611
Procrastination usually comes from the lack of motivation and no desire. So think about where you could grasp some motivation.
Sometimes you are not afraid of the consequences that'll come up if you do not complete what's needed to be done. Sometimes you just do not feel motivated by the reward that'll come in the end. This comes from the lack of rewards gained throughout your life and thinking too much about what is needed to be done.
For example. You need to complete an essay consisting 1500 words. You think to yourself that you have to try really hard and do your best to complete and earn a high score to be rewarded with a grade. Sometimes you think to yourself that if you finish it once you will never have to face it again. Thus while you are attempting to complete you believe that you can simply finish it because you told yourself that you can do it and complete it, which is true. But inside you feel like because you can complete it you don't have to get it done now and can complete it later when you are bored.
Here's a good solution. Start doing things where you'll be rewarded almost instantly. Such as a job. Or some kind of working out process. But as soon as you start, never stop. Soon you'll be able to over come procrastination.
>>16929631
You've have to realize that your life is more important than those you admire. It may be really hard but you have to pull through and do things on your own and prosper. Become a better you and then help others.
I've taken 10 pregnancy tests today with 7 positive and 3 negative and I'm freakin out. What do I do?
>>16929605
why are females more promiscuous them men on average, yet women get the child support ?
Do you know of any careers/professions which can give you a barely livable wage but don't require you to work much? For example working 12-14 hour shifts but only for 2 days a week.
>>16929666
You are pregnant. You keep the baby and raise it as your own. Teaching it to be responsible and become honest and respectful.
>>16929671
Women are irrational. And because they are also so weak, they will get child support. Also because the baby came out of the mom.
>>16929674
Sounds like a nurse job. But you can also try working at a penitentiary. Or become an officer at local prison compounds.
>>16929605
i dont want to do anything if that means i have to put some effort in to it
even the activity that i like to do
if i deemed the effort i have to put in is tiniest bit outweigh my liking to that activity
i just dont do it
so i ends up doing nothing basically
and i am angry most of the time
to everything and everyone except me
i used to be angry at myself too
but sometime of ago i accepted that i am just shit person
because of that i concluded i dont have to reach my expectation of myself
so i became more forgiving toward to myself
but i am still angry about lots of thing when dont want to be
its really tiring
what do i do?
>>16922223
>>16922258
Bringing up shit from the last thread.
How do I go about making things serious? We've gone out to eat a couple times, gone to the movies, and even went on a drive for a few hours last night.
[spoiler]I'm new to all this[/spoiler]
How do I go from being someone who literally only plays vidya, works and goes to school (someone with zero hobbies, interests or does activities) to someone who does these things (someone who has hobbies, interests, does activities etc.)?
Seems like a basic question, but meh. I've never really been able to pick up any activity that I like. And I often dismiss most things as faggoty or lame.
I guess the question is more so, how do I be more open minded and less dismissive and start enjoying things in life instead of being cynical and depressing and hating everything?
im depressed as hell right now
can i get through on my own or should i tell my parents and get some help over the summer break
or wait until next year and go to a doctor privately while away from home
why the fuck should I care?
How do you stick to doing shit? I often times set myself a goal. Well really, I set multiple goals at a time and I have this thought process in my that I need to almost over burden myself because it's the hardest thing to do, and that if I'm not doing something difficult or challenging it's not worth it because doing difficult/challenging things often yields the best rewards.
Inevitiably, I get burnt out, or I just give in to my laziness/procrastinate then start to feel really shitty for being lazy and procrastinate more and more and hate myself, etc.
I just want to know how people are able to stick with shit. Where that will power/discipline comes from or how I can build it up.
For context, I am a full time student with a full time job (seeking a second part time job currently). I try to live this post ( www.kratosguide com/16-habits-you-should-do-every-day/ ). I don't do every habit down to a T, but close to.
The big ones I try to hit are Meditating, reading, going to the gym, hitting my nutrition goals and studying math everyday, on top of work and school work.
But I always fall apart. Either through bad time management, laziness or general apathy I can't seem to stick with things for more than a few days. But thing is that I AM able to do it for a few days, so I know it's possible. I just want to keep doing it.
>>16929758
Dude you need to prioritize what is important in your life. Make a list of what is important, who is important and why it's important. Put one on top of the other. Then you set a goal of what you truly desire, let it be a video game, or whatever but you just gotta go get it.
>>16929766
Ask her to be your girlfriend.
How do I gain some self confidence?
I tend to apologize for everything, I always assume the people I call up to hang out with dont want to do anything with me, or that I'm wasting their time even when they explicitly tell me "if we didnt want to hang out with you we wouldn't have agreed" and other stuff like that and I utterly hate myself. I always assume its me that brings the mood down whenever things get sour, its always something bad when some calls me and other things like that. This is no way to live but its all I know at this point, I just have this irrational fear that everyone hates me for whatever reason and hate myself partially because of that
>>16929795
No one else is going to but someone has to.
>>16929773
Start by not dismissing things as faggotry or lame. Realize that you have a limited amount of time to live and you need to make the most out of the life you live because you won't have another chance to enjoy everything.
Play some sports and go outside. Find friends at the park or some people who do such activities on their free time. Imagine yourself seeing every thing the world has to offer in your time period.
Do your best in the activities you do and try to come out on top because that feeling of accomplishment and dominance cannot be substituted by anything else.
>>16929779
Get some help from friends or family. Do things that you are good at and become the best and you will realize that your life needs to be lived happily.
If that doesn't inspire you then ask for medical help.
>>16929844
Hey man don't bring yourself down just because you are considerate of other peoples time management to hang out with you. You are very compassionate and I'm sure you care a lot about other people around you. You're just a very nice person and a good honest and respectable being. You're heart is in the right place so just be happy that you are not a socio-path and that you actually have friends that like you as well.
>>16929822
Read this
>>16929656
Start with only one goal at a time. You only have so many hours in a day and you do not need to go wasting it on little progress for each goal. Try and get things done one at a time within the day.
Although you don't get most of what you're doing done within the day, APPRECIATE the fact that you got one thing done before you go to bed. You need more rest than you think actually so fit more naps or sleeping time during the night into your schedule. Always reward yourself for getting something done.
Hey, man. I was wondering on your feelings on me. No matter what I seem to do I always feel like I should be doing more and that I'm not doing enough with my life, the weird thing is is that I do more in a day then most people do in a month, so why do I feel this way, thanks in advance
>>16929861
>You are very compassionate and I'm sure you care a lot about other people around you.
I'm almost completely sure I'm not this. Really I'm pretty distant emotionally except to a select few friends. I just sincerely believe my friends and other people I associate with dont want anything to do with me, because I dont want anything to do with me. It falls under the idea of how can anyone possibly like me if I dont even like myself.
I met a girl recently
pretty sure we hit it off
I've only hung-out with her twice
yet for some strange reason
I find myself thinking about her every once in a while
can't tell if this is lust or if I am starting to like her
I want to hangout with her again but I don't how to ask her out
whats a good strategy when it comes to dating
I been single for nearly 4 years I have no idea what to do
>>16929666
You are pregnant and also stupid.
Abort.
Go figure this out.
>>16929873
Well, you're not satisfied with your hard work. Probably should reward yourself more frequently.
>>16929917
How do you reward yourself?
>>16929899
Keep your cool man. Be much more stoic than you have before. She will like you for being dominant and becoming more of a boyfriend material. But that's if you're not friendzoned. Then you take her out more often and lay in a few kisses. Then you ask her to be your girlfriend and become closer and live better.
>>16929920
TV, video games, weed, going to the movies with friends and just goofing off instead of working.
how do i choose a career and an university?
>>16929843
I just bluntly ask her?
>>16929915
>khmer
I've actually never met anyone that can read it, and my mom is a Cambodian immigrant
>>16930041
Not OP, but I just went to a community college because I didn't have any idea what I wanted to do. It's a lot cheaper than just fucking around at a university. Gives you time to do all that fun general ed and try a lot of different things so you can figure out what you might want to make a career out of.
I ended up going into music with a focus in guitar performance
I've been talking to a girl for like a month every day, with me not starting the conversations at least half of the time. We went on a sort of date / hangout, but only once because we're both kinda busy with work and school atm. Anyways she has slowed down talking to me a lot recently and I have to start the conversation the past week or so, and I tried not messaging her a few days ago to see if she'd message me first. It's been like 3 days without us talking and I'm getting antsy. Wat do? Is she bored of me already? Did I fail?
>>16930003
Luckily I am not friend zoned at the moment, I will try being more stoic
>>16930045
Do it corny and romantically. Chicks love that. Even when they say they don't. It's sweet and compassionate.
>>16930061
I believe she has gotten over you. Better do something (word that describes when you don't see something coming) and impress her again of how you can be unpredictable. Then seal the deal within the next 3 days.
>>16930071
If you can play guitar it'll pull her right in as well.
>>16930041
What >>16930052 said
Get your GED out of the way first and explore some classes that may interest you. It's best to get into the field where the money is at. So, STAY AWAY FROM Liberal Arts, Arts, Anthropology, English (me - I regret it, but at least I have a shitty paying job), history, etc .
>>16929605
My dads been in prison since I was six. And will be for the rest of my life. he calls about every week. But I can't visit him since we moved across the country when I was seven. Does anyone know my pain... Plus I feel like I'm ugly and all I do is annoy any girl I try to talk to.
>>16930052
>mfw no community college in my country
>>16930087
How so? I'm pretty new to the idea of being romantic, I'm not sure what to do or how to not spill my spaghetti
>>16930091
I'm gonna be out of town all weekend but I was thinking about getting drunk and telling her how much I want to take her out on another date, and then blame it on being drunk if things go south
If I can just get 1 more chance to take her out I would be able to do everything I didn't the first time, I know it
>>16930103
Sorry about the situation with your dad anon. I'm afraid I can't relate. Regarding your looks and talking to girls, it really could be all in your head. There's really no way for us to tell without you posting a pic of yourself and a conversation example
>>16930107
Bring flowers, chocolates, play an istrument if needed. Do something that's ever so cliche. Girls want this stuff to happen to them at least once.
>>16930112
Your plan doesn't sound like it has any flaws in it so go ahead. But just be honest with her man. Honesty and respect. Remember that you have to have those traits and if the girl is rational, you would have an amazing relationship.
>>16930103
The pain to not see your father is terrible. But I promise you that he has you in his heart and won't forget about you. Do your best to succeed and make your dad smile even though hes in prison. Although he cant get out, it does not mean he doesn't think about you. He knows you're out there in the world learning only about what your mom has taught you and what society is surrounding you with. Remember to always have an open mind and become as humble and honest as you can. Then you'll see your dad and see how proud he is for having you as his son.
There are girls out there who like "annoying and ugly" type of guys. Just try your best to keep your confidence up and be stoic and dominant. Kinda like my situation.
>>16930115
I'm the one circled. Only picture I could find with my glasses on because I don't like the way they look on me. Anyways there's just been this girl I like who I was pretty sure she liked me back. But recently she's been ignoring me and I feel like I've just been bugging her when I talk to her.
As the OP of this thread that's been going on for a while, I need help in my situation.
Can I tell you guys my story?
I legitimately love my gf so fucking much, but want to fuck other women. Ending isn't an option, but neither is cheating. I've began taking steroids (I don't want to hear get off the roids, I know the risks I'm taking and it's really not as bad as it's made out to be) and I must say I look pretty damn good myself (not like a disgusting freaky giant veiny clown like you imagine when you think steroids, but similar to David laid pic related) gf says I could be like a model, which I think is an exaggeration, but I definitely look better than most amerifats, and I've been getting lots of new found attention from 10/10 beautiful women, which I'm not used to being that I was an outcast ugly nerd type in high school. I feel like a piece of shit for it, but my gf refuses to be healthy and is getting a little chubbier, and we've been together a few years, and now this.. I have tried my best to resist and have turned down a 10 once so far already, but I just feel like one of these days I may give in. I also have other issues w the relationship, I'm like bipolar, I made plans to move in w her, and I really legit wanted to, and I still kinda do, but I'm getting cold feet at that kind of commitment, I told her I wanted to marry her and have kids with her one day, and then I realized I'm also having these thoughts, and I'm only 21 I feel like I have so much in store for me still, like I'm missing out on my chance to live it up while I'm young by settling down and commuting so early. Fuck im so conflicted. Sorry for this long ass post, won't blame you if you just tell me to go to a therapist or councilor or some shit, this is a lot
>>16930132
>>16930115
Pic without my glasses
>>16930134
Yes
>Girl admits Im physically attractive
>I like girl
>She says she can't date me because she can't focus on me given that she's so busy.
Wat do? wait or just give up?
Also she asked if I was a virgin and I freaked out and said :"I dont kiss and tell"
What do? Admit and and possibly ruin a potential relationship or just come out and see what happens?
>>16930135
Talk to her about it, if she gives you a reasonable answer and is totally rational about your conflicted dick mind then don't leave her. You won't find another girl like her.
If she becomes irrational and yells and just outbursts or begins to treat you reasonably. Leave her.
Just talk to her and tell her that you have urges to fuck other women hotter than her and that she should exercise and become much more attractive for you.
>>16930124
Playing an instrument is definitely an option. It could work if I can think of something to play (flamenco and some classical guitar).
>>16930145
Bang her asap before she loses interest in you. There's no such thing as "virginity".
>>16930136
Bro....you look better than I do..
>>16930157
Well. Looks aren't everything. I just can't get girls for some reason. I have confidence. But the whole thing with my dad really have me some bad anxiety.
>>16930132
>>16930136
You look fine dude, I'd above average
better than me...
Alright guys, here is my story.
There's this girl who is still in high school who I am extremely infatuated with. At one point I did attempt to talk to her as a girl I would date. I flirted with her and I tried pretty decently to make her like me back.
Due to her being 3 years younger than me, I was ridiculed by surrounding family and friends for even speaking to her in the first place. I went through a couple of months in a dilemma of either asking her to be my girlfriend or to just keep our relationship as just friends.
One night I got high and assumed she and I had a thing by exploiting my feelings over Twitter. She said we never had a thing going on and from there I stopped talking to her out of embarrassment.
Now, I talk to her and see her every now and then and I believe she had forgotten about that incident and we are pretty cool friends but we don't talk as much as we used to.
I'm still infatuated and I don't know what to do. I'm in college, she's in high school. She is everything I find perfect in a girl but I don't know how to just get her to acknowledge how much she means to me. It's her personality and mindset that has gotten me hooked. She's just really lively and funny as well as annoying. But that's what I like about her. She's very pretty to me as well.
My solution is to stay hidden about these feelings until I transfer to another college, then I will let her know about my feelings for her and hope she will somehow comment something back. That sounds reasonable right?
>I really need you to help me. I move out after summer and there's so much time between now and then and she is almost everywhere I go.
Pls
>>16930132
Not Op but I'm gonna be brutally honest with you mate, I'll tell you what you need to hear.
You aren't too bad looking at all, but you do look nerdy as fuck w glasses, I'd invest in contacts, also you look kind of young and feminine, which isn't necessarily TOO bad I guess, you can make it work if Justin bieber did I suppose. Just be more confident dude, you really aren't bad looking at all, n-no homo. But I will say I had the same problem years ago, I started lifting, which naturally increases testosterone, and taking a good multivitamin which helped healthy hair growth, and I definitely looked a bit more manly and a little older. I'm also the guy who posted about roiding above, I'm sure you won't be ready to jump into this right away, but I will say it made my facial hair explode and I look like a real fucking man now and it's great, women fucking love it, not too long, but just like long stubble like all the male models have you know? And if you really look into it you'd see steroids really aren't too unsafe with the proper precautions
>>16930125
I definitely respect her a lot, I wasn't even planning on getting into a relationship until i was financially stable or out of college but she changed all that. She's so down to earth, cool, gorgeous etc. And we have the same opinions on a ton of stuff. I just need to be telling this to her, not you, which is something I'm too afraid of rejection to do at the moment. I'll be in a good place with good friends to back me up if she gives me bad news so hopefully everything goes according to plan.
>>16930160
Do your best to bring the girl in and seal the deal. Although your dad is doing time, that doesn't mean that you have to suffer. Think about how happy your father would be if he found out that you can date a girl. Think about her and fall in love. It'll hurt but your dad will be extremely proud of you.
>>16930168
Yes there you go. She'll understand and you can date her as you are finishing up and getting a supportive job for two. You're doing well with your life so far so there really isn't a reason for her to deny you. You can do this man.
>>16930170
>>16930164
>>16930161
>>16930130
Thanks for the all the advice people. I'm going to sleep now. And I have been asking my mom for contacts for about a year now but she says we can't afford them. Goodnight.
>>16930178
Thank you, I needed to hear this. I've been feeling down since we stopped talking as much, listening to depressing music and feeling worthless but I think this is kind of a do or die moment now, I feel a lot more energetic about it at the least. Plus our spring break is next week so there shouldn't be any conflicts keeping us from going out either. This time I'm making it clear I want to take her out on a date though, not just "hanging out"
>>16930162
does she at all ever seem flirty? I would try to to just be straight up and ask her to be your gf, you never did right? So she wasn't trying to turn you down, she was just probably blindsided and confused since you never made it clear you have feelings for her. Who fucking cares about age if you two like eachother and its not THAT big of a difference. Just confess you like her, if she's interested, awesome man, good for you, if not sucks man, but it happens to everyone, you just have to drop her and move on. If she's not interested, focus on improving yourself, you'll meet other women along the way, and maybe she'll even see how much better your doing and have a change of heart, but whatever you do, don't pathetically follow her around like a puppy dog in the friend zone, it will make you miserable and her only less attracted to you
>>16930178
>>16930168
honestly, reading this from the outside i dont think OP's giving you too good of advice on this one.
in my opinion, youve really got to choose one or the other, your girl or your current sex drive. telling her about how you want to experiment with other people can only go badly, and most relationships that become open or try to become open usually end in one or both party members eating shit
if this girl is really as great as you say she is, you shouldnt let your sex drive take control of you. telling her she's marriage material only to follow it up with "i want to fuck other people" would seriously hurt most sane people, and the rest are looking for a way out themselves. if what OP says is true and she's all for opening the relationship, chances are youre not going to be doing the whole marriage thing. the forbidden fruit is pretty tempting to everyone.
but like i said, really think about whether or not you really like her. if shes worth it, you should be able to put aside any advances for the sake of your relationship. if she's not, you really should end the relationship. trying to open it can only hurt.
>>16930209
I think you have it twisted man, you're replying to 2 different people
>>16930188
DO IT MAN. I believe in you.
>>16930219
I will, thank you! Hope you have a great day
>>16930213
well shit. thats what happens when you cant see replies properly.
ignore all the bullshit that just came out of my mouth. time for bed.
>>16930197
She does seem flirty because in one occasion she sat on my lap through a football game.
I don't know about confessing how much I like her because it would be an instant turn down when I haven't texted her often enough. I do it like once a week and see her every other week. Sometimes maybe once a week.
I just don't think telling her now would lead to any sort of success.
>>16930224
It's okay anon. You have a good night mate.
I have this weird thing I do where if someone is sleeping, I compulsively have to check and stare at them for about 10 seconds to see if they're still breathing and not dead. Its really creeping me out, and I can't stop perceiving people like this. This has been going on for a very long time, and I just want to get these sort of thoughts out of my head.
Nothing traumatic or anything too upsetting has ever happened in my life. I'd like to believe I'm perfectly okay.
This is fairly normal right? I know families with elderly might do something like this, but my parents aren't that old; at least, not old enough yet that I should be concerned about them in that manner.
I think its just paranoia. But I really do want to stop this
>>16930313
Have many friends sleep over at one place. Let some of them sleep in early and at least one stay up. Let him know about what you're doing and ask him to stop you every time you are about to stare at someone sleeping.
There's nothing really wrong with that. It's like what dogs do. If they sense their owner not breathing or their owners chest is not moving, the dog would react and try to make the owner wake up. It's normal if youre a dog.
>>16930093
I play bass I don't have an acoustic and it is kind of useless without drums
>>16930386
It's useless in the first place. Try something more solo?
