I will preface this by saying I'm in my university's pep band. Say what you want, but it's really fun and has a lot of perks. Anyway
I met this band girl on a trip(we travel for tournaments), and we had pretty good chemistry (I could see her laugh, always a plus), but I was half in half out on being attracted to her. Not gonna lie, and this is pretty shallow I know, but she was fat and I feel like that was the main reason I was on the fence. I've been thinking about her a lot, like, I would want someone to want me for my personality so am I not totally hypocritical for thinking this way? Plus, I've been thinking about how what I'm doing doesn't make any goddamned sense other than that I tend to stick with the plan I've made. I plan on chatting up this girl in my fencing class because I like her looks and she has a good demeanor, but I don't really *know* her at all. Yet I deny this person I *do* know (somewhat). I'm having a conflict of logic and instinct, I guess. I feel like I would have some shame even though I am not unattracted to her. My friends are pretty real with me, and I feel like if asked them they would say that I could do better (or even say it unsolicited because a lot of them have no shame). I feel like, I could 100% make it happen if I tried for it, and that the relationship would be really rewarding if I did, but should I?
>>16925212
*make instead of see.
Your college relationships probably won't be what lands you in a perfect marriage. I would try with both girls. Seriously. Don't just try and have sex with every girl you meet, but don't be afraid to hang out with multiple girls at a time and get to know what is out there.
>>16925212
>I will preface this by saying I'm in my university's pep band. Say what you want, but it's really fun and has a lot of perks
sounds like fun, no judgment here brochacho.
>I feel like, I could 100% make it happen if I tried for it, and that the relationship would be really rewarding if I did, but should I?
Listen, man, you can calculate the reasons why a relationship would or wouldn't work as much as you want but the fact is you aren't attracted to her.
Do you FEEL it with this "fat" girl? Does she give you goosebumps? Can you not wait to see her? Do you feel any electricity between you two when you talk?
If the answer is no then you have no business getting involved with this girl. Even if you convinced yourself to start seeing her you and I both know that you can't have a long term relationship with someone you're only "kind of" attracted to.
Eventually you'd break her heart, you know that.
Stop thinking about what makes sense and stick with your gut. If you're not feeling it, don't force it man, even if it looks good on paper.
>>16925392
That seems morally wrong to me, so I don't want to do it. They're people like me and I don't think I'd want to be used like that.
>>16925410
I don't think I can feel feelings that intense with anyone anymore, I'm pretty numb to my emotions. But to answer your question, no.
>>16925487
>I don't think I can feel feelings that intense with anyone anymore, I'm pretty numb to my emotions
Yes you can, stop being an edge lord. You're in college, you're a child, you know nothing. Sorry to be harsh, but I'm a grown man and I laugh out loud often at the things I thought to be true when I was in college.
If you GENUINELY have a problem with emotion and attachment then seek therapy, its free through your college, although my overwhelming feeling is that you're just a dramatic 20-something you has had shit experiences with love and thinks "Well, I'm 21, obviously I know everything about what I have and will ever experience."
>But to answer your question, no.
Then you have your answer. I'm sure you realize it yourself you just needed someone to say it to you so you could accept it.
>>16925507
I didn't mean for eternity, I meant in my current state. I am seeking therapy atm, though off campus because on-campus was a waste of time.
I would be grasping at straws with any relationship I attempt right now.
>you shouldn't be in a relationship then
I've made a decision too keep trying even though I'm in a bad way.
Can you get a boner to fat pep girl?
Y: Obey your lizard brain. Your friends are not dating the girl; your boner is dating the girl. If you do not spaghetti out the first few times they tease you for dating a fatty, they will quit caring because it isn't funny to tease someone who isn't upset. Besides, if they are really your friends, the only thing they should care about is whether she makes you happy.
N: Obey your lizard brain. Find fuckmate for procreation.
>>16925558
I want more than just sex? I'm not looking to marry her or anything but just sex sounds boring.
>>16925558
I'd have no problem boning her but it's by no means a physical attraction, even though I'd say she isn't objectively ugly.
>>16925578
>>16925586
If you can bone her, there's enough of a physical attraction. I'm not sure what benefit you get from a girl being more than fuckable.
Also, what's your actually problem? Let me make sure I'm understanding this, since it's starting to feel like I don't.
fat pep girl
>good chemistry (I assume this means you feel like you could be close friends, given time)
>attractive enough to bone
>you are crippled by shame if you date a fat girl
fencing girl
>more than attractive enough to bone
>??????
My guess at your problem: shame is preventing you from dating a girl that you would think is worth dating, if you lived in a vacuum
My advice, if that is accurate: quit living your life based on the judgment of others
If my assumptions are wrong, please revise.
>>16925634
Your assumptions are correct
This is more about spending the opportunity cost of going after the fencing girl by going after the pep girl. I don't want to play them both because
1.) I'm not about that
2.) I probably couldn't pull it off if I did try
>>16925634
Plus, we're social beings, we can't help but be affected by the judgement of others
>>16925650
>lightly hit on fat pep girl to avoid friend zoning (you can just stop hitting on her later if necessary and be friends)
>become enough of a friend with fencing girl to tell if she's date-worthy or not
>decide then
>>16925663
I will try
