tl;dr My daughter isn't mine, and whilst I love her to bits I don't know what to do any more
>date my highschool sweetheart for 5 years
>we use protection and aren't idiots
>she ends up pregnant any way and as she has some sort of problem she doesn't want to abort (honestly forgot what the problem was, but it meant it would be difficult for her to get pregnant)
>we're not married, but I'm financially stable and she's in school still so we decide to keep the baby
>daughter's born, we're together for 2 more years and we seem happy
>comes out of the blue and tells me she isn't in love with me any more
>try to make it work for my daughter's sake, but she's not having it
>we break up, daughter stays with her but i visit when i can and continue to support her
>we try to remain friends, but i still love her and want us to be a happy family
>start to be less sociable with friends, lose my passion for my hobbies and whatnot
>she starts dating someone else but I still get to see my daughter
>this continues for 2 years
>donating blood, decide to have a full health check as well
>turns out I'm impotent
>can't have kids
I don't know what to do, I love them both so much but I have no idea what to do about it. I still consider her my daughter, but there's the fact she cheated on me and has been lying to me all this time. I will support my daughter no matter what, but do I just keep this to myself?
It would be cool if you could get the girl the stuff she needs and not give money to the mother at all. The mother has hid this from you to suck the money out of you knowing she wouldn't get shit if you knew she cheated. Don't hide the fact that you know what you know. Tell the woman you love that child and will provide for her but you will not be giving the mother her shopping money. At least, this is what I would do if I was able to take care of another person.
Tell all family members and friends casually over time, don't seem spiteful. Who knows maybe a lot of people know already. Does she know you know? I can't believe you still want to be with her. You can't really trash her in front of the kid but maybe tell you know in the most insulting way possible and in day to day conversation try and slip in phrases like "maybe it's someone else's" or "I was going to tell you in two years".
>>16923193
She's not really sucking money out of me, we've got a joint account that we use for paying for my daughter. I pay into it monthly and she's occasionally paid into it when she's earned some money. I can also see the transactions and its all been things that she's bought for her.
>>16923200
No one knows that I know, I only found out a few weeks ago.
What is the source of your impotence? Is it something that could have arisen after your daughter was conceived?
And while it greatly changes the relationship you have with her mother, does it change the way you feel about your little girl?
>>16923177
First of all, confirm with a DNA test before going off half-cocked (as it were)
You could have become impotent since she was born. Or you could be 99.9% impotent and still have one of the little buggers live and reach its target.
If in fact she is not your daughter you will want legal advice even if you don't plan on taking any action. You need to have her legally declared not yours (even if you then keep that secret) just in case your ex ever tries to hit you up for more support. You may, if you're feeling particularly vindictive, want to sue for the return of past support.
Meanwhile, the one absolutely innocent party in this story is the child, and the high road would be putting her best interests above all else, even your own.
>>16923216
Fuck that man. I know you love the kid and it's not her fault but it's also not your responsibility.
>>16923221
It's a hormonal imbalance apparently and whilst I do produce sperm there's not enough of it for a successful conception. Doctor said it's pretty much 5-10% so there's a chance she's mine but a small one. It's also something I've had since birth.
>>16923231
How would I go about asking her for a DNA test? I don't want to look like I'm bitter or to give her something she could use against me in the future with my daughter.
>>16923256
If she's not mine I understand it's not my responsibility, but I've seen her grown into a wonderful child and I love her to bits. Regardless of whether she's mine or not I want to be there for her but I've read so many stories of step dads or whatever having the children turned against them or the ex using the child against them.
I don't know whether to keep it to myself or try and find the truth. I doubt she knows about it, but there's a chance that she did cheat on me and the kid's not mine.
if you have some evidence for your non-paternity, now is the time to take this to court to get a DNA test and establish/disestablish paternity - if you wait on this legal procedure after knowing that you might not be the father courts will be less likely to strip you of your legal responsibilities even if you're not the father.
And by the way, I wouldn't necessarily expect a DNA test to not still show you're the father, these things happen sometimes.
>>16923177
>>16923177
you need to brace your self. before you tell her you know make sure that your impotency occured at birth or after she was born.
if the daughter is really not yours. info on her certificate must be changed regarding the real father. you might still want things to work but it wont, it ll be worse in the long run.
from what you wrote you seemed a straight fella, its just your partner fucked it all.
>>16923289
5-10% chance is still a chance. My daughter (and she is definitely mine) had a 6.25% chance to have her blood type yet here we are. My wife miscarried at 16 weeks on our second child, which is around 10% chance.
Low doesn't mean never. Before you agonize over this, get a DNA test.
>>16923318
Well, I mean, have you gotten your kid tested?
>>16923177
Wife Husbandry
Only correct answer
>>16923318
Agree with this, make sure she's not yours first. You hear stories of miracle babies to parents who were told they couldn't have children all time. There's a chance, even if it's small, that your protection and your impotence failed
Do you suffer from a problem that makes you impotent from birth or is there a chance that you became impotent after the birth of your daughter? If the answer is yes then I also recommend a DNA test. It can be done very simply these days. You can basically put a cotton swap in your daughter's mouth and send it to the lab and they'll run the test. If done swiftly you can grab that tiny speck of saliva without the kid noticing anything ("Hey you have something weird in your mouth let me check"). Some people have successfully done so.
Additionally if you know your blood type, your wife blood's type and your daughter's blood type then it's possible that it adds up to an impossible combination. You may want to look it up. Some people have discovered that they were adopted just by looking up their blood type and their parent's. It's a shot in the dark but it may be a lucky and convenient way to quickly confirm if she is not your kid.
>>16923231
>>16923318
>Get tested
This.
>How would I go about asking her for a DNA test? I don't want to look like I'm bitter or to give her something she could use against me in the future with my daughter.
You already have the built-in explanation ready.
You went to go donate blood, and they told you you're impotent. So it's risen some questions.
It's not that you don't trust her, and it don't want it change anything because you love your daughter, but you'd rather not find out one day in the emergency room that you unknowingly gave wrong information--thinking your medical history was hers--and it put her life at risk.
