My grandmother is borderline. They don't change.

>>16918778

You shuld leave.

4 years lost here.
2 was pure pain. I hoped that love would have helped,and in the end, win.
She went worst till 23 y/o. She had an aout with the same issue gettin in and out hospital.

I did my best, but it dosn't matter.
For once it's not really "about you"

did she get an official diagnosis?

>>16918798

she had an AUNT

>>16918798

She had an AUNT

I read the description of BPD and I don't get it... the "symptoms" are all things that even normal people do.

Mood instability? How is that a symptom of a condition?

Insecurity? Impulsivity? Anti-social behavior? These are all so broad and vague... everyone experiences these symptoms, wtf?

Can someone give me an example of something that a person with BPD would do, that a person without it wouldn't?

>>16918818
Make OP this worried about them.

I >>16918816
>>16918818
Someone who has BPD 'feels' shit a lot deeper than most people.
They can go full rage over a simple joke, or extremely happy to the point of stupidity over going to the movies for example

>>16918816
>>16918818
Most mental illnesses/disorders are "normal" characteristics taken to an extreme. Someone who has BPD may do things that normal people would do occasionally to a lesser degree, or once or twice a life time under emotional strain - but they'll do it all the time, all day every day. That's how it ends up being an issue.

It's not just being insecure, it's being EXTREMELY insecure - needing someone to reassure you over everything, feeling absolutely insignificant. It isn't just being impulsive, it's having sex with someone you barely know and then buying ten lotto tickets and a new puppy.

Not saying everyone's like that either, but it gives you an example. It's normal, but negative qualities taken to an extreme.

I've got BPD (although I function relatively well, even unmedicated) and other friends with it, and how it effects one person is radically different than how it effects another. One person may remove themselves from social situations, alternate between worried/depressed and anxious/nervous and constantly feel a failure; another may have moodswings that go from "extremely happy" to "extremely sad" and change their entire personality on either side.

For me, it's mostly just moderate insecurity; moderate impulsiveness coupled with a shit ton of regret for everything; full-blown random rages and nervous break downs followed by a calm/empty feeling and then often a "positive" mood; inability to function sexually at times, etc.

>>16918778

I have some good news, make sure she gets her affairs in order. Suggest that she does a will, final wishes etc. It will be a valuable thing for her family to have very soon.

>>16918816

Yeah that's the description.

Yes, everybody has "mood instability"

But you don't go from "i love you" to "i hope you die" in a day.
You don't spend 6 month building a happy relationships and then nex 6 cheating aroung, then coming back,asking apology, try to kill yourself etc...


It's like "everybody get angry,what's anger issue?"

>>16918798
She told me she did.

>>16918835
That said >>16918778

OP, you can't fix someone with a mental illness. Yes, they're sick; no, it isn't their fault. But, it isn't like the flu or even a serious illness like cancer, where you can treat it and it gets better or you just die and it's over with.

It is something that never goes away, that only medication+therapy+hard work+emotional support+a willingness to change+life changes can really fix. You honestly have to have EVERYTHING go right to really fix it, and a lot of people never get everything right enough, assuming they even WANT to change.

Because as awful as mental illness is for everyone involved (honestly, it's terrible for the person suffering from it and everyone around them), it's sometimes easier to live with it than to fix it. Just functioning can be hard, and being normal and approachable can seem impossible, and you really have to want it and find yourself in the position to improve.

It's very likely your ex has other issues, too. If she's from a broken family, she likely has all the trauma and issues that come with that, plus possibly depression, and then her mental illness.

>>16918851
Even if you really want to help her, you likely can;t do much. It will need to be a combination of herself wanting to change and fix her life, as well as therapy from an understanding therapist, medication that works for her, and emotional support from friends, family (if she has any) and you.

But that said, she isn't your responsibility. I say this as someone with the same condition; people with mental illness can be literally impossible to deal with, and they are still adults if not dysfunctional ones. She's not your responsibility, and you can't force her to fix her life, and at the end of the day all you can sometimes do is move on.

Breakups are hard as shit anyway, but as someone crazy she probably took it harder. Losing you probably was an enormous blow to her, even if she initiated the breakup or initially seemed alright, but you coming back and trying to get back together with her will make it worse.

Unless she really changes and you come back together mutually, consider the romantic aspect of it done and handle it like a friendship.

If she still is talking to you and wants you there, try and help her. Try and encourage her to get help, support her, and just treat her like a normal person above all else. Don't treat her like a child, don't let her get away with shit like she's imminently dying, and don't pity or humiliate her. Just be there when she needs to talk, take her out to the movies or hang out, etc.

And, if something happens to her - if she does something stupid and gets hurt, or kills herself, or stops talking to you - don't blame yourself.

>>16918778
I briefly flirted with a BPD woman (for about a month)

NEVER AGAIN
E
V
E
R

A
G
A
I
N

>>16918850

well, then run dude.

or at least stay strong, when she tell you horrible things or try to make you fell miserable.
Those are just mind trick bipolar people use.


Do not trust her.
She can make you touch the moon ant shortly after send you in hell.

DO NOT GIVE POWER TO HER WORDS

>>16918818 they all end up killing themselves because they can't bare themselves and the thought of being alone and fucked.

I heard they are mostly all beautiful people. That true?

>>16918869

this guy know his shit. Pay attention.

>>16918893
charming not beautiful, but yes, usually.often.

>>16918893
A lot of people with BPD are particularly charming, and a lot of them have a mystique to them that I'd say other mental illnesses do not as frequently come with.

They can be completely, 100% normal; often, they're 100% aware of their insanity. Because of this, you can meet them as a normal person. They may seem a little melancholy or depressed, they may seem a little dark or mysterious, they may seem a little deeper or more self-understanding, and all of that might come off as being more attractive if it's your type.

Most people who date someone who is BPD, and *really* end up being serious about it seem to get really tangled up in them. If it doesn't work out, that person with BPD usually ends up being the one that got away, even if they initiated the breakup themselves because the person with BPD was batshit.

It ends up being rather tragic to a lot of people. Like I said, they CAN function and they CAN be normal but then the mental illness comes back around; they have a tantrum or a break down, or go through months of suicidal depression or self harm, or become clingy or unstable.

You remember them as normal, and think you can get that back and everything will be fine, so you keep trying more than you would for say, a schizophrenic who probably always seems a bit off.

It depends on the individual's personality. BPD doesn't overtake the personality, but each emotion is always quite literally on the "borderline". Something seeming insignificant to you will break their entire world. Something boring to you could make their day because they spent time with you.

Unless the person is already manipulative, the extremes in emotion are not a manipulative tool to make you feel guilt or trick you. They actually feel everything that much more strongly. A small mistake can hurt them for a very long time. A small token will be forever remembered.

It depends on what kind of person she is beyond the BPD. If you think you can see who she is, and can see that she is a good person hindered by a brain with fried receptors, then you can make a relationship work. But you have to rid yourself of your own personal issues as well. You can't help anyone if you need help yourself.

It takes effort and more patience than most people want to bother with because they know they can just leave and move on. Spoken as someone with BPD, I am alone now, and the only boyfriend I ever had thought I was a manipulator and a liar and left me saying that being able to play a shittybgame all day with no interruption from me was worth more than being with me. Even with BPD I could see he had a lot of problems himself, even worse than me maybe.

You have to know what triggers the reactions you receive and how to deal with them. You can't be full of yourself but you can't bend any which way either. If you left, you have abandoned her in her mind and it is probably too late to go back because the separation crushed her. Especially if you said hurtful things.

>>16919252
After two years with my girl, I have no idea what her true personality is to be honest.

If it's the one that shows up when she's on meds, trying to control her outbursts of emotion, then she's the warmest person you'll ever meet. This was pretty much like a couple of hours total tho.

If it's the one that shows up 90 percent of the time, and how her life looked like the years prior to our relationship, then it's scary dark stuff.

Just run.

I dated one for nearly 5 years. When they were in a good or normal mood they were amazing and still to this day the most genuine, honest person I've ever known. Dealing with the bad days is what was horrible and the outbursts and mood swings aren't going to end.

Unless you want to feel like a lifelong unpaid caretaker for a semi-mental patient, get the fuck out or attempt to be friends with minimal contact.

>>16920347
In general once someone reaches the point where they refuse to take their medication constantly, it's pretty much out of your hands. Just walk away from the romantic part, especially if she won't get a therapist or stick with medication.

>>16919252
>BPD doesn't overtake the personality

Of course not, it is their personality. There is no her. Just go find another BPD chick its the same thing.