What made you and your previous significant others break up? Any advice for relationship newbies?
1. bf: he slowly turned into a radical national socialist
2. bf: he moved away to the other side of the world
3. bf: i got pregnant and had an abortion. We didn't make it trough that
4.bf: hopefully never
learn about communication. It might sound clichée but it's the foundation.
Learn about the different way ro show affection (google languages of love).
Have sex often. Look at it as the adults equivalent to playing. It should be lighthearted and something you both look forward too.
There is so so much more, but it would be excessive to type that out witheout knowing what you already got under your belt and what not...
>>16910611
1. gf: met another guy, thought she was in love (after 3y with me). Nope. Tried to get back with me. Nope again.
2. Lost the spark after a few months, wasn't that into her anyway
3. gf: Broke up with me because we wanted different things in life. I was too lazy and she was fucking too much inhibited. Got sad for some time though..
4. gf: was madly in love with, I was less in love, and it broke us. Like I wanted to see her like 3 times a week, she wanted to see me everyday and sleep with me every night... I didn't want to (comr on, we've beent together for 3 months and you want me to move in with you ?!), and that led us to several fights.
(Also she was a control freak so eh, dodged a bullet here)
Also, this post give good advices
>>16910628
>learn about communication
YES
>Learn about the different way ro show affection (google languages of love).
Yep
>Have sex often.
At least come to an "arrangment" where the 2 persons are ok with
communication so much
also quit porn, it creates unrealistic expectations of the opposite gender and doesn't allow to see how really great your partner is ;_;
>>16910611
>What made you and your previous significant others break up?
Mostly his porn addiction. I was very resentful and hated myself for feeling inferior to the cam whores he'd pay/call.
>Any advice for relationship newbies?
Be mindful of one another. Don't stop making each other feeling good, flirt with them, do nice things with them, be their best friend. Really listen and try to understand them better. Grow together and with each other, don't leave them out and don't shut them out
>>16910611
1. gf: She felt that the spark died. a few days after we broke up, she got into a relationship with a friend of hers. The chemistry did die between us, the relationship felt really forced near the end.
2. gf: This was a really strange situation. This was the first girl i fell in love with, it was the happiest i have ever been in my life. She cheated on me with a past partner that was abusive to her. They had children together and she decided to cheat while he was over visiting his children. Her justification for cheating was to heal her ex partner. She was also obsessed with the new age movement.
3. gf; She was too insecure. She would get incredibly jealous if i just looked at another girl. Out of all my partners i argued with this one the most and i was only with her for a few months. She had problems and i couldn't deal with it so i ended it
4. gf; She was too lazy and constantly wanted my attention. She didnt do anything but watch netflix. I swiftly ended this relationship.
>>16910611
We werent compatible enough.
This caused every other problem youre digging for.
1st gf: I have always been a broke student and I became obsessed by never being able to afford vacations/trips/cool activities with her, in the last months I started pretending to be somewhere with my friends every weekend while I actually stayed at home, instead of facing the anxiety of looking for some modest job and being judged/ridiculed.
After 4 years together the honeymoon was over, and the relationship started to get stale. We grew apart as lovers and became more like friends, then we broke up amicably. I still miss her every day and believe she was perfect for me.
>>16910654
This. Holy shit. Keep it simple stupid.
1.Communication is extremely important.
Its amazing how many of /abv/ problems would be solved if both parties talked, listened and gave each other time to understand. Another thing that is to communication, be clear. When there are important things to talk about be as clear as possible. When you are vague you leave holes for your partner's mind to fill in. Depending on their state, what they fill the holes with could be good, or very bad. Enough to snap a relationship in half.
2. Different forms of love.
Also agree, some of us like being close, others don't. The work to be done here is to learn what your partner is asking for and if you can provide. You can only hooe they give you the same consideration. Also, understanding when to blunt and when to compromise are key here.
3. Sex
You don't have to bang every day. You talk with your partner see what they would like and match it with what you would like. Then do your best to come to an agreement. The process isn't sexy, but the results can be.
>>16910672
This I may be guilty of. Sure some release is nice now and then, but it's a nice balance one has to figure out where you can get some enjoyment and not risk detaching yourself sexually from your gf/bf.
In short, work and effort from both members is important. Share the weight. Be strong by yourself and you'll be strong together.
>>16910684
>boyfriend pays camwhores
Kek, that's a dodged bullet if I ever heard one.
Her grandmother pushed her to go back to her ex. Her ex had more money than me and invited her to a concert by her favorite mucisian. She went back with him.
Is it possible to feel like you're extremely compatible with someone and still feel like the best thing to do is get out of the relationship?
>>16910803
Care to elaborate ?
>>16910611
First boyfriend (age 13-14) a whirlwind of new experiences. He became super controlling. Wanted me to quit high school sports for him. Wanted me to not have friends. I dumped him and he slammed me into a locker at school and choked me.
Lesson 1: Controlling behavior is major red flag. Just end it at the first signs.
Boyfriend 2 (about 4 months long when I was 15): He was popular, charismatic, and introduced me to weed. We'd get high and play mario party. Things were great. Then he cheats on me with his ex. (I didn't know I was a rebound, or at least, I didn't know their break up was so close to our dating). She gets 20 kinds of nasty with me. Wants to jump me with her friends. Boyfriend and I were high and ran into her on the street, he had to push her down on the floor and we ran just for her to not attack me. He knew I was too high to even attempt to fight someone.
So yea, crazy ex girlfriend, under most conditions, is a no-go. He liked to talk shit about her a lot too, but it didn't stop him from cheating. Intense feelings for someone else (whether angry or good), is still a no go too
Will continue.
>>16910823
im not >>16910803
but i can tell you, my last gf and i were really compatible, but she hated my family. though both, the gf and my familiy were important to me
so i tried to make it work out, lived in to seperate world that almost never touched
i always had the feelings it would be better to drop out of the relationship
dropped out a month before our 4 yr anniversary, bc we both felt the spark was gone
7 months since then, dropping out was the best thing that could happen
we both closed the chapter completely, we are in contact now and then, everythings fine
she has a new bf and im happy for her
i am alone atm, but bc of my job situation, im happy though
>>16910859
Boyfriend 3 (age 15.5 to 17.5): He was sweet, a little too romantic, but whatever. He did everything I wanted. So I thought that meant he liked m e. But it just meant he was just trying to please me to get that virgin poon, and I gave it. First year was awesome. Second year was a train wreck. I was diagnosed with depression. Meds sucked. Lowered my sex drive, made me tired and not that fun. I never felt like having sex, he always wanted sex. He would be mean about it. I'd just cave and lay there because I wanted him to stop complaining. I was no longer happy, but couldn't see us breaking up. Lots of girls were mean to me for being with him Told me I was too ugly for him. They'd leave anonymous messages on my Myspace saying they were fucking him.
Annnndddd, they were right. Found out two years into the relationship he was fucking quite a few girls that would bully me. Everything was wrong with this relationship. I think most of it was my fault. I liked this guy, but didn't entirely love him. I just went with the flow of the relationship until he became so routine. I was going through too much to be focused on him. He was being a teen dude and wanted the teen pussy while he could get it. He's still a douche though.
Boyfriend 4 (like 4 months when I was 18.5): Meet him online after high school while I was experimenting with MDMA. We mostly just rolled and wandered the forest and had sex. I wish this relationship never happened. He cheated on me with a 16 year old that he said was his "best friend." It was nice to be friends and roll. Wish it never got serious. He gave me chlamydia and I will never online date again.
And boyfriend No. 5 is my current. Been together 6 years since I was 19. The first two years were rocky af, but we got through it. This has been the best relationship I've had. Maturity, I guess.
>>16910611
I never really had a breakup, I'm with the same guy since I was 15, and I'm 23 now.
We broke up once because he was feeling like shit and treating me bad because of it. I tried to help him for 6 months, but after that I just dumped him.
Advice, huh.
Obviously communication + different forms of love + sex is the most important thing, as other anons said.
> Take care of yourself, physically and mentally.
Look good and feel good. If you don't look good, work on your body. If you don't feel good, seek help and solve your problems. Your partner doesn't have to fix you, or deal with your bullshit.
> Trust each other, be honest
> Be compatible in the long term.
Have a plan for the future, and make sure your plan and your partner's plan are compatible. Discuss it fairly early in the relationship.
> Have fun together, build chemistry
1. boyfriend i was together for one and a half years. Was my first time and we were very happy. But I realized that he had no future and I always had the feelig he will never make it as he had a very fucked up past and a fucked up life-style. At the beginning we were both cursed by suicide thoughts which is why we developed a very strong bond. I lived together with him from the start which was the problem I guess. He was very jealous and paranoid I would go behind his back but I would never have done that. I loved him to bits but the last 6 months were based on arguments and crying on the bathroom floor, were I thought of braking up. And eventually I did it and somehow felt like the happiest and freest person on earth.
2. boyfriend was shortly after the first. We just had a fling or something but then stayed together for some reason. I was happy with him but I never really trusted him and he had a very passive-aggressive manner. But we could talk mostly and were honest to eachother I guess. He also had a drinking problem and when absolutely pissed he turned in some monster. He always made me feel bad for talkig to other guys or just not giving him all my attention in that condition. He broke up 3 times when drunk and the next day could not remember and apologized and I dont know how many times he screamed at me and made me feel like shit. He also expected sexual things of me that I was kind of opposed to and liked degradig me.
The third time after 9 months he broke up with me while being absolutaly drunk it was the last time. I ended it myself because he was to much to cope with.
So my advice: Firstly DO NOT just go in a relationship with some guy who you just started a fling with and you are emotionally not attracted to. I guess I always knew there was something wrong with him ir something but it will nit be worth it and you will regret it.
Secondly keep your distance. Never move in with someone who is not ambitious at all and lets you do all the house work
>>16910945
your first relationship sounded quite nice at first but the the second one sounds like hell, no offence intended by saying this. i dont understand how women dont notice when a guy is clearly going to be a shit bag? i think its pretty obvious. i always see it happen and i dont get it?
I tried to get her to change for the better.
Never expect to be able to induce change in other people's lives.
My relationships have ended for pretty mundane reasons. The most important lesson I took away from some of those (yeah, took dummy me a few times to learn it) was to call shit out when I see it. I don't mean that in the literal sense of railing on someone. Just that internally one should recognize the deal breaker, admit what that means to themselves, get up and leave. The first time that one asks themselves "Is this too fucked up?" the answer is yes. Otherwise there wouldn't be a question.
tl;dr Learn the confidence to walk away.
>>16910985
>Learn the confidence to walk away.
You mean, learn the confidence to live with your hand as your soulmate for another year until you find some other damaged goods that is willing to date a guy like you?
>>16910995
Yes to the first part. "Soulmate." Go sign up for an ultimate frisbee league now that the weather's getting nice. Maybe one of your teammate soulmates will give you a handie after the game.
Don't jump from sinking ship to sinking ship though. At least not intentionally. The whole point of learning to walk away is learning to distance yourself from trouble. You're going to meet shitty people, that's inevitable. But their willingness to date you is irrelevant when you have no willingness to continue dating them.
>>16910959
The thing is that he had a different side too. And I always try to fix things instead of just throwing them away. Everybody told me this but I just was too manipulated I think.
>>16910611
1.Gf 15yo me 14yo
Pro-caring & patient
BU- slightly fond of my best friend
2.gf 14yo me 15yo
Pro- loving, kind & communicated well
BU - fell 4 another but didnt leave her till my pal who set us up told me i dnt love her nhe is inlove with her n hell take care of her
3.Gf 14yo me 16yo
Pro-huge titties, ass, funny
BU wudnt kiss me, being intimate through touch was difficult
4.Gf 19yo me 16yo
Pro-understanding, freaky, poised
BU - we just fell off
5.Gf 13yo me 16yo
Pro- silly, funny as me
BU bad communication skills.. she had baggage, it prevented her from being as loving to me as she cud have been but eventually she doted on another n i saw this n left her
6.GF 15yo me 16yo
Pro-we sang together, she was sweet, our relatiomship felt lke a fairytale
BU -cheating whore in the end i set her up wit a friend telling him to smash n pass so we can laugh at her but her charm is 10/10 so he was inlove after one night of texting
7.Gf 13yo me 16yo
Pro-really kind, possessive it made me feel loved but she wasnt clingy abt it
Bu- refused to share me with other gf tho she had another bf
8.gf 16yo me17yo
Pro -always enthusiastic abt us
Bu - i was a jerk
9.gf 17yo me 17yo
Pro-cant explain it but she was calm, funny with great vibe
BU did each other dirty, returned to being great friends
11.gf 18yo me 18yo
Pro-cool, really chill
BU was wit someone else n she didnt like it
12.Gf 20yo me 18yo
Pro - FREAK,most loving,kind person
BU- had a past n i was worried she might cheat since she had before 2 another
13.Gf 15yo me 19yo
Pro-supportive, motivated, lifted me out of depression
BU i felt bad abt our age diffrence, was very reseved in a manner of speakin, this drove her away
14.Gf16yo me 18yo
Pro- was my best friend
BU migration
15.Gf 19 yo me 19yo
Pro-cool being with her was like chillin
B/U migration, tried to make it work long distance, failed
16.Gf 18 me 21 NOW*
Pro-bestfriend, loving, doesnt play bout me
BU-hypothetically cause she doesnt trust me n is insecure
>>16910787
Well it's still fresh and still hurts. If it wasn't for his porn, we'd be very happy. I just had too much resentment towards him because of the lack of sex, lack of attraction towards me no matter how much effort I put in...
I still don't know if I have done the right thing.
Male, 30, only had 3.
1 She was hot as hell, and we got a long great, being more mature than most kids. Both of our parents did drugs and drank, which was kind of taboo or something for the nerdy small town. We talked all the time about anything and everything, and she did things every day to make me feel special. Broke up because she was becoming more media brainwashed "modern wymyn" thing, and thought nice guys were only good for friends, and she wanted to be abused by this guy who was almost 25, out of jail, didn't go to HS (i think me and her were in like grade 10 at this time) he also had a GF who was an "ex" junky, so yeah, both likely had hep C or worse. I thought it was a joke, she was made that i thought she was joking, because she "loved him" he'd almost never spoken to her.
2nd girl was ok, but a bit of a square, refused to even try weed or booze, i was ok with that though since i don't care if i buzz or not. we got along ok but she was mixed message master. asking me to call her if i was horny one day, not wanting to kiss the next. I almost lost my v to her, but her rich snobby friends made her dump me because i was poor and almost 2 years younger than her. She fb'd me years later with some semi-drunk "i think about you" thing, i don't play games so i deleted it.
most recent, met her i forget where, she only wanted a friend, she was chubby and not my type so i said that's cool she eventually fell for me due to my looks and cause i'm funny/joke around. she kept wanting to do stuff to me, why would i refuse a hj/bj? so i said sure. she kept saying "but we're not dating, ok?" after a while, she like, wanted to change her mind and be my GF? lol... #womenlogic she was always talking about other guys she liked and thought were hot, and a few times was a bit upset they didn't hit on her (again, she's chubby but wants ONLY 10/10 guys.) dumped her because i knew she would cuck me or cheat, and other than constant sex, she treated me like shit.
First gf: moved away, (because) health was poor, didn't want to long distance and she wanted to have sex with nearby muns.
Second gf: She became bipolar or similar, very depressed. Was long distance. I had same health condition. Became apparent that I got very ill from physical contact (not good for relationship). I left her when it was clear we wouldn't be able to end long distance and move close. Was very sad.
>>16911271
bullshit
>>16911407
Why do you say that
>>16911419
not>>16911407
but your story seems unlikely
still hope you're trolling
>>16910881
>>16910859
Damn sounds like you've been with some really shitty people.
>The first two years were rocky af, but we got through it.
This is kind of how my relationship is currently. Like you I have had abusive and cheating partners. And both me and my boyfriend have trust issues that we've been trying to work through but has undeniable created a gap between us. I'm trying to work on myself and he is too and he has never tried to hurt me so I hope this is the one where I finally don't end up as a victim....
>>16911141
yeah, i get where you're coming from but girls in abusive relationships always say that. they always think they can change the guy and they know the real him. good that you got out of it anyway.
Almost everyone in this thread blames their partner for the breakup. Some obviously had truly shitty abusive partners but it makes me wonder why all the "victims" ended up here and all the cheaters and psychos you guys describe never admit to their shit?
First GF: Only sexual attraction, nothing else. I eventually started hating her, and cringed every time she spoke. We had complete opposite morals and views, and eventually she caught me cheating on her. When she confronted me about it "So, have you talked to Alyssa today?" I smiled and said okay we're done, and walked away. She looked at me and said "That's it?" with a disgusted face and I said yeah, then she stared at me super pissed off as I walked away.
Second gf: Rebound. Cute short redhead girl in my class. Texted her and she immediately wanted to fuck. Went to her house the next day and we hooked up. Went back to my house the day after and hooked up again. It was okay, but she found out I lied to her about somethings about myself and she never talked to me again. Saw her at a party a while ago, we're on good terms now.
Third Gf: Short girl with curly hair and nice body. Went to her house to hook up and her vagina smelled bad and she was a bad kisser. Hugged her goodbye and stopped talking to her.
Fourth gf: Crazy slut. I don't remember what happened with her, I think I just started ignoring her and she texted me nonstop for a whole day.
Fifth gf: Currently dating, been four years. She's great, but has a low sex drive. I compensate by hooking up with girls on the side, so I don't have to break up with my gf.
>>16910611
Being psycho bitches that act exactly the same as my osycho mother.
My advice for relationship newbies is: get into therapy before you try to seek out any significant others.
>>16911466
Im not bro thats my life right there
>>16911560
Oh wait, there you are.
Heh, I'm only interested in you, other things can't compare cause I know the real you and you're potential we could both achieve. P.s cheating always killed the relationship so I wouldn't bother to be stupid!
>>16910611
Broken up with 2 guys. I easily get manipulative when given too much love and attention, and both guys were obsessed with me.
I ended up getting angry with the first one for always pushing me to trim my butt and get sexier underwear. The second one slowly got too obsessed with me, so much that I slowly got abusive. (Neglected his needs for love, told him I needed space, made him to things for me like chores). I broke up with both, hope my current wont get obsessed with me.
My advice is to not get too excited and spoil your partner, learn to give and take.
Don't be a lazy and emotionally abusive asshole. I mean it's not that hard.
>>16911560
You're definitely a keeper
>>16910611
1, I had no idea what the hell I was doing and got caught up way too much in how comfortable she made me
2, she went back to her drunken, druggie, ex
3, it got fucking awful and I couldn't take it anymore.
need to make some different choices.
>>16912398
tips;
don't fucking lie all the time
don't try to use me, I'll drop you quicker than a hot pocket that just got oozed lava on my hand.
don't justify resentment of your so without talking like an adult
don't let your girlfriends decide how you act in the relationship
don't cheat. I think that one is pretty easy.
don't stay in contact with your ex. they're an ex for a reason and nearly never make good friends and I don't want to deal with the dude.
don't expect me to fix all your problems. I can't live both our lives
don't be lazy, contribute.
don't use teeth.
don't starfish
just generally be interested in the relationship and what we're doing or break up.
Sure, OP.
>Girlfriend 1
This was an LDR, but not an online one... we met on a vacation and I flew for free because my dad was a pilot, so I was able to fly and see her most weekends. Anyways, like many high school relationships, hormones probably ended it, along with my inexperience in maintaining a relationship. I both started becoming attracted to a girl that went to school with me, and started complaining to her friends online that my gf and I weren't having sex, instead of communicating that to her... One of them developed a crush on me, my gf met another guy that was giving her a ton of attention, and New Years Eve I called her drunk (first time really being drunk) and told her I was with a bunch of girls and was basically a dick. She asked to "go on a break" the next day, which was ultimately a breakup, and she started dating that guy. At least for what it's worth, the girl I was into was one of the loves of my life and is the girl that got away...
>Girlfriend 2 (not the girl from above, we were never official)
This was a college relationship where we went to different schools, and the gaps between when we were in town together put a strain on it. I was head over heels in love with a girl at school while I was in this relationship, and so I took a break with the gf. We got back together, but she was Mormon, our interests didn't overlap the same... we ended up breaking up again, but on really good terms. She had also found another guy. It was best for both of us. We're still great friends, she's married, the girl I was head over heels for had two kids and got fat.
I'm just gonna "cont." this for the last girlfriend...
>>16912417
>Girlfriend 3
I'd been single for a while, and had gotten it in my head that I had to find the "perfect" girl. I set up what was basically a checklist and set out to find it, believing I wasn't shallow and that personality and shit was key as long as she was reasonably cute. Found a girl on OkCupid, and she was wonderful. Really nice, adored me, not bad looking, eager to have sex and do what I wanted to do - even though I was only her 2nd guy, liked my hobbies, basically /r9k/'s perfect girl.
Well, like seems to be a common theme in the other relationships, there was another girl. She was gorgeous, she worked with me. The first time I ever saw her, I just felt like there was something special with her. We just had this chemistry that was like a fucking magnet. Instead, I was in this relationship that just... filled squares. There was nothing wrong with it, but I was so bored, and the other girl was in my thoughts all the time - especially since I worked 40 hours a week with her, and we often made excuses to work at the same desk, or get lunch together, or she'd sit in on my meetings. She was just mature, elegant, exciting. My girlfriend? Just wanted to watch Netflix, play videogames, eat, and fuck. I did some thinking and broke up with my girlfriend, which shattered her.
I guess at the end of the day, my advice is to know you're with the right person. Don't compromise, whether it's because you're lonely, or your family is pressuring you, or whatever. Don't be afraid to question your compatibility, but be honest and work with the other person if it can be worked out.
Just make sure you're ready for a relationship first, and communicate what kind of relationship you want when you get into it. Don't let it go unspoken.
>>16912415
This is mainly good advice, but the ex thing is stupid. Just don't stay friends with an ex if there's an emotional breakup. If it's a mature discussion that it isn't going the way either of you would like, then fuckin' stay friends. That person doesn't become suddenly awful because you used to have sex and now you don't.
In fact, if a girl ever came into my life and started dictating who I can and can't be friends with, exes or not, she'd be dumped immediately.
My only ex? She broke up with me 3 times during the span of our relationship. By the 4th time I got tired enough that I refused to go back with her.
There were other issues you should know, too.
She asked me to change. If your couple ever tells you they expect you to be someone different (and this implies more mature!), throwing hints that they don't like you as you are right now, LEAVE. This won't change.
Communication is a must. I can't stress it enough. She didn't tell me what was wrong with her and she just took the decision to break up with me, period.
She would get angry at me each time I did some sort of crazy stuff while being outside. Don't allow your SO to get angry at you for something like that, ever. They're your partner, not your parent, despite how similar both sound.
She asked me for my accounts. I naively gave em away. Don't do that yourself, they're your private space and they must respect that at all times!
That's what I can remember right now.
>>16910628
>Have sex often. Look at it as the adults equivalent to playing. It should be lighthearted and something you both look forward too.
No
>>16911552
Well because the question was why they broke up. There are always reasons
>>16910688
4. you are describing my current relationship. And I thought it was very good.
1st gf: We had nothing in common and when I found out I was embarassed to introduce her to people I realized it was not going to work.
2nd gf: Was too young for me. We just were in very different life phases and she was going to spend some time abroad so we ended it. It was going nowhere anyway.
Some of these might not be in the right order and I'm probably forgetting a couple of people, because I've blocked out a lot of these years and don't remember much, but this is the best I could do.
>1. Bf:
Met through school, broke up because I lost attraction.
I broke up with him on April fool's, forgetting what day it was.
>2. Bf:
We met through school.
Broke up because he raped me.
>3. Bf:
We met through school and were best friends before dating.
Broke up because we were better suited as friends. We lost contact after I moved schools anyway.
>4. Bf:
We met through my new school.
Broke up because another guy kissed me after a few months (who then turned into number 5).
>5. Bf:
Met through church, he kissed me when I was with guy 4, after guy 4 and I broke up, we dated for a while.
Broke up because he cheated on me with my best friend and treated me like shit.
>6. Bf:
We met through church and then school. He was my first friend (and first love) at that school, we were together for over 1.5 years.
Broke up because things just got too crazy and we both couldn't handle it. We were best friends before, during, and after the relationship though, even became fwb after the relo for a few months.
>7. Bf:
Guy 4 again, we reconnected for a few months and then broke up again because the 'spark' wasn't there, better suited as friends.
>8. Bf:
Met through church, dated over the summer, he wanted to marry me and was super religious.
Broke up because he tried to push his beliefs on me, and we snuck around when our parent's disagreed with us being together, so we had to cut contact.
>9. Bf:
Met through work, he was 4 years older than me, he taught me how to drive.
We ultimately broke up because he couldn't deal with the age gap and didn't believe mental illness was real even though I was clearly going through some shit.
>>16914625
Cont.
>10. Gf:
Met through school, we were best friends and on-and-off for about a year between other relationships.
Broke up because her parents found out about us and didn't approve of same sex relationships (after we'd been sneaking around).
>11. Bf:
Met through work, he was one of my regulars.
Broke up because he just lost feelings, I think.
>12. Bf:
Met through my mum's work, also a few years older than me.
Broke up because it got too intense too quickly, and he needed to focus on uni (I was also still in high school and he felt weird about it).
>13. Bf:
Met online, he was 7 years older than me, we never met but skyped pretty much every day. He also wanted to marry me and got very close to proposing a couple times.
Broke up because my parents disapproved, made me cut all contact. Safe to say that I gladly dodged a bullet there.
>14. Gf:
Met online before realising we went to the same school (but at different campuses) and had heaps of mutual friends.
Broke up because she fell in love with me but I wasn't 100% over my ex, and she hadn't come out to her family yet.
>15. Bf:
Met through my ex gf (10).
Broke up because he couldn't deal with me having mental illnesses and he lost feelings for me.
>16. Gf:
Met through school and work, only dated for a short period.
Broke up because she wasn't sure about her sexuality and we were better suited as friends.
>17. Bf:
Met through ex gf (10). Broke up because I wouldn't fuck him, so he cheated on me, then dumped me a few days later. I was kinda glad though because I had a massive crush on my next bf.
>>16914625
>>16914628
Cont.
>18. Bf:
Met through ex gf (10), they're actually cousins.
We fell in love, man of my dreams, both wanted to get married and have a family. Him and the relationship were prefect.
Things fell apart after 6 months and he left me.
Spent the next few months fucking and basically being in a relationship (every few weeks he'd 'be done' with me, leave, then come back within a week or two begging for me to take him back and promising he still loved me, he'd be better etc. I'd take him back, things would be good for a few weeks, then he'd leave again, rinse and repeat. He also started emotionally abusing me in this time).
He then went overseas for 9 months and cheated on me the entire time (abuse got much, much worse while he was away). He came home last August and we got back together, with him still abusing me and leaving me every few weeks.
We made it 'facebook official' on our anniversary in January. It lasted a month before I had a psychotic episode (90% likely triggered by all the shit that had happened throughout our 2+ year relationship and by his abuse); before he couldn't take it anymore, and left, again.
It's been about 6 weeks since he left, and we're still seeing each other and still fucking, basically how we were after he left me the very first time.
As you can see, my entire romantic life has been a complete train wreck, and over the last couple of years especially, my mental health has deteriorated to the worst it's ever been. Even though all I've ever tried to do is be a good, loving partner, and keep all my partners/relationships healthy and happy.
Honestly, I've come to realise that I'm worthless and unlovable, and that I'll never be enough for anyone, ever.
The only advice I can give is to never invest too much of yourself in someone else, because when they leave you, you'll have nothing and you'll feel like nothing.
>>16914625
>>16914628
>>16914629
Thanks anon, I can't wait to find out what being in a relationship feels like now !
For real though
>Honestly, I've come to realise that I'm worthless and unlovable, and that I'll never be enough for anyone, ever.
I hope you don't seriously think that. I can't find any comforting motivational bs to say right now, but please do take care of yourself.
Because I'm a fucking sociopath.
I use her, I dump her. I don't plan it, or so. I want to believe that she's the one and shit. But I get really easily bored.
Only had one boyfriend.
He was too immature, didn't care about me, was mean to his family, and wanted to take a break so he could go on a road trip and possibly cheat on me guilt free in his mind.
The place some mates and he were planning on going to was well known for prostitutes and loose women and he kept basically bragging about that through the relationship for some reason. He had to re-take lots of College classes because he failed them so we had difficulty spending time together. Any days off he'd only spend with his friends. I tried to spend time with him but he never made an effort so I gave up after a while. He tried to reconnect with me after he decided the break was over but I ignored him.
Also he was a horrible kisser and there were other intimate problems which didn't help. He wasn't a bad guy but he wasn't ready for relationships.
>>16910611
>gf 1
got bored of me and dumped me, sex wasn't really good that might be also a reason
>gf2
she decided to go back to her ex
1. Found out she really was fat with messed up teeth when we met offline
2. Found out she really was fat when we met offline, cutting scars were scary
3. Too slutty, had cutting scars, bedroom was covered in pot ash
By #4 I was just so desperate for a somewhat normal girl that I ended up marrying even though we had nothing much in common...
Eventually all the little things he did that I hated and was willing to ignore became impossible to ignore.
Mostly it was that he shat on my mom all the time because she didn't let me go out that much (this was in high school). "I can't wait to get you away from her," "I can't stand her," etc. There were times when she was unreasonable, but not letting me stay at his place during the summer, or letting me go on a road trip with his family to a different state weren't unreasonable.
He also didn't really want to hang out with anyone, he just wanted to be alone with me. That's fine for a honeymoon phase, but two years down the line and we were meeting up in a different area of the school and sitting and doing nothing until we had to go to class, not even kissing. It was boring!
Then little things like he never washed his hair. Always repeated what I said underneath his breath before responding to me. Things like that. After I realized how much him hating my mom and never wanting to do anything bothered me, those little things became unbearable.
If you start seeing signs that its not going to work, things you don't like in him, unacceptable qualities, don't wait two years to break it off.
>>16914705
I'd give anything not to believe it tbqh, but I guess I was just born to be unhappy and to be with people who make me feel like I'm nothing.
I'd be nothing with or without them regardless, but it hurts more when I'm with someone who once treated me like I was their world, when really I'm not and I'm just a piece of shit who should never have been born lmao.
Thank you tho anon, have a cute cat for your cat and for your nice words.
>>16914915
>>16914880
>high school
>>16910611
1 gf: after 4 years things fell apart over my stressing about unemployment and lack of prospects of marriage and her inability to get into college (+20 and not in there was rough on her). We wanted to marry but we knew we couldn't do it for the foreseeable future and we lost our heads over and over again until we were done - she was the one who said "let's break up" though
2 gf: hopefully never. She is basically a sex buddy turned into gf + mother of my kid
(there were other things in between but gf is a more serious shit so I only have two)
keep in mind that >>16910628 is still one of the best pieces of advice in this thread
I'm a caregiver for my dad who has early onset Alzheimer's, he was going through cancer screening at the same time my grandmother was in the hospital and I was studying for finals. My gf started to feel neglected that month since my attention was elsewhere and she didn't feel special, so she insisted that we spend more time together which I resented her for asking since she knew my situation and wasn't supporting me. We had our first argument in years and it was all over.
My best advice is that every relationship is different, and you can't necessarily go in with preconceived notions of what your relationship should be like. Fix real problems as they come up, but let the relationship grow organically.
>>16914812
My advice is enjoy it as much as you can while it last but ready to end it before it turns into insufferable hell.
>>16914918
calm down anon, learn to love yourself im pretty sure your worth it, learn to pick your partner properly
if u wanna talk about life or shit i can leave my email or something.
cheer up! mate
1. Said yes when I shouldn't have, didn't like the guy
2. Said yes when I shouldn't have, horrible first kiss that scared me off of kissing for 2 years, didn't the guy, he said I was an alcoholic and said love too early (but I said I loved him too so we both goofed)
3. Said yes when I shouldn't have, refused to be physically affectionate with him, we eventually said to just stay friends
4. Said yes when I shouldn't have, bad communication issues, suspected he was cheating on me with his best friend
Took a while for me to get strong enough to say no when I didn't want a relationship, and now I've been with my current bf for over 5 years. There's a few issues, but I actually wanted to be with him in the first place so that's something
>>16910611
She break up with me because I was Asian and short.
>>16910611
1. I was an alcoholic, and an idiot. She got tired of my shit.
2. Hasn't happened yet. If it does it will be because I fell in love with someone else and realised there's nothing between us any more. But, that might not happen. Happy old age together here I come.
In no particular order:
1. I was too kinky
2. I had too many female friends and she was insecure
3. I was depressed at the time, and pretty bitter about loosing my job
4. She finally figured out that I had already been with 30+ women by the time I met her, and that grossed her out
5. Dick too small
6. She wanted to give me a tramp stamp; I noped the fuck out of there
7. She went full yandere, stabbed me
8. All the rest were pretty standard "no spark"
Advice? Shit; there is nothing you want to hear from me. If anything, avoid all advice from people who've probably got STDs, or way too many "my ex was crazy" stories. Hell, don't date us either, we are awful people.
>>16910611
The best life pro tip that I know of is that you should learn to realise when someone has a problem with you and when they are projecting their problems onto you.
My mom projects into me her insecurity that she is bad mother (she isn't), my gf tries to blame me for her being fat (she is).
The rule of thumb is that when your gf has a problem with you, it will drag on for a long time until she tells you or when telling you, it will be sort of awkward, instead of pouring it all out and creating drama when projecting.
1. Other person had massive anger problems and was basically crazy
2. Other person rushed into our relationship too quickly after another breakup and realized he needed to take time for himself
3. Other person had the personality of unflavored oatmeal
4. Extremely incompatible communication styles
If the relationship makes you more stressed than happy, peace out.
If you find yourself frustrated with the sex life early on you probably need to find someone else
Do not be someone's therapist
1. As a 14 year old she broke up with me, because I had (as I realize now) mental problems, retreated and pretended everything was good whilst I was dying inside. She just couldn't handle me anymore.
2. Same (person and situation) as 1, but then a year later. I did not change, and after a while did exactly the same thing. I was an emotionally unstable trainwreck, and probably damaged her for life. I was crazy in love with her, but didn't know how to cope with myself. I feel bad for putting her through this.
3. 21 year old (yes, 6 years without a gf or feminine contact). Got drunk as shit one night, kissed a girl. Told her shitfaced I had feelings for her, whilst I didn't. Went on a date with her 2 days later, because I seriously thought I had a shot on losing my virginity with her. Turns out she is very unstable and clingy and basically drags me into a relationship I didn't want to. I thought I had feelings for her, whilst I didn't. She told me she loved me after a week, kept messaging all the time, had mood swings all the time, made a fuss about small things all the time, made me change my facebook profile pic. Basically red flags everywhere. She dragged me through emotional hell for 3 weeks, and we didn't even have sex.
I'm only thankful that she made me realise that I needed to work on myself before entering a relationship with anyone, because she learned me that you DONT want to put any stress on your partner.
4. Fast forward 3 months after #3. Took the time to work on myself. Go one dates with a couple of grils. I had given up hope already, but still kept in contact with one girl from tinder, who I intended to go on a date with, but for some reason we never had time to meet.
Turns out she's amazing. We bond very well, chemically, sexually and are emotionally on the same level. I see us having some sort of future. Being open to her about everything I feel, was the best thing I ever did. She is the first person in probably 10 years that I told I love.
We both have commitment issues. It lasted a week lol.
After this deep and meaningful experience, my advice to you would be to not date someone who has commitment issues. Also, don't be someone who has commitment issues.
>>16916622
"Commitment issues" really just sounds like a shitty buzzword that one can use either as a justification or an accusation, but that doesn't actually say anything.
>>16916622
>>16916647
'Commitment issues' can also be developed from a whole range of issues (experiences throughout childhood being most common and the most likely to affect all persons involved), and can be a personality trait.
It's up to both parties to decide whether or not it's worth it, and it's up to the person with the issues to decide whether or not they can/are willing to work through said issues, in order to have a healthy relationship.
