Despite knowing the response I'll get for admitting I'm female, it's kind of important to my question.
Anyway, I have a generally low sex drive and take forever to come (not helped by Zoloft). On top of that, I can't relax enough to have penetrative sex. I can get fingers and dildos up there no problem when I'm alone, but it's different in a sexual situation with another person.
I was fine with how I was to some extent. I decided I wasn't going to deal with my trauma/anxiety/whatever, avoided relationships, and tried to accept myself (with limited success). I decided the pain of penetrative sex wasn't worth love. I had an ex who was cruel about my inability to relax and made it way worse.
Then I ended up with my sweet, cuddly boyfriend and found myself wanting to make him happy. He constantly assures me that my inability to have PIV (2 months into relationship) is okay, and I know you're all thinking there's no way it's okay. That's my biggest fear, but we're unconventional people, and I think he honestly accepts me.
Still, I do want to have sex with him. And I really was completely against changing myself before. I thought it was bullshit that I owed anyone PIV. But now I have to work through this.
Help.
>>16910051
Have you tried just giving him head?
Is penetration painful or are you just scared?
Sexual dysfunction therapy sounds like a good bet, having so much anxiety that you clam up (get it?) and can't have PIV is pretty extreme.
>>16910051
yo
I understand, that totally sucks. Penetrative sex shouldn't be painful, and it's quite great when it isn't. I mean, really great. Clitoral orgasms are still awesome, but they don't hit the right spot that PIV hits.
Luckily it seems like you're with a guy who's understanding enough to take it slow. If I were you, I'd try either working it out with a sex therapist as a couple, or practice relaxation techniques beforehand, and taking steps to ensure it's similar to when you masturbate with a finger.
nice choice of image btw
Your boyfriend sounds like my boyfriend. I started abstaining from sex years ago and he still doesn't mind. If you were wondering, there are guys like that out there.
>>16910055
I give him head all the time, and I try to make it as exciting as I can.
>>16910056
Excruciatingly painful, and it was always like that. But now I have this added trauma because my ex would get angry at me. So it's worse. Because my boyfriend and I try, and then when I can't do it, I start to panic and get terrified he'll get angry (which he never will). So I'm scared of the pain, scared of panicking because I can't do it, scared of him getting angry, etc....all making it way harder to relax.
I know communication would help, but my boyfriend and I both have anxieties that make it difficult to say things out loud, further complicating it.
>>16910082
to you close up down there when you have sex, like vaginismus? are there lubrication issues? is your period regular, and are you on birth control?
if you said no to all of those, it could be that you're physically too small down there, sort of how a guy has micropenis, but in reverse.
>>16910078
I really lucked out with my boyfriend, but he is kind of a sexual person. I want to please him, despite how much I can't believe I'm saying that--he is honestly worth me learning to enjoy sex, because I think I could with him, and I WANT to.
>>16910087
I might be too small for him, to be honest. But I have managed to get a decently sized dildo up there before, so I think it's more that I close up.
>>16910091
I had a friend with a similar problem. If you go see a gynecologist, they can give you multiple sized dildos to practice stretching the vaginal canal, and they can also refer you to someone if there is a physical issue.
>>16910090
>sex, because I think I could with him, and I WANT to.
Talk to him about it.
My initial thought is to agree to just bear it. Agree on a safety word, tell him to rub you and kiss you till you get a little wet then fuck you even though you'll squirm and resist.
Tell him the safety word means STOP RIGHT NOW and if he doesn't you will hit him, kick him, do whatever to get him off you.
But I also get off to a girl being hurt by penetration so maybe thats just more of a fantasy then workable.
Have you talked to him about this?
>>16910106
To be honest, I've never seen a gyno and I'm 24. I'm terrified. I've been told you can say no to the duck lips, but I have a feeling I'd get pressured into it and feel super uncomfortable. Fact is, I'm not doing it until I know for a fact I'd be seeing a doctor who would be understanding, regardless of the risks to my health or whatever--do not care.
I am going to order sex toys for practice on my own, though.
>>16910111
I wish it were easier to do this, but the pain really is excruciating and intense....I'm just not ready to bear it. We do try all the time, though. Usually I start panicking and shaking and he tells me it's okay. We've talked about it as much as the two of us can, but usually I can't choke out all the words I want to say when I try to talk about it.
>>16910124
a gynecologist can't put a speculum in you without your consent. have you tried planned parenthood or any kind of women's clinic that might be more sympathetic towards anxiety/trauma?
have you talked to your psych about the sexual side effects of your medication and the anxieties you are still struggling with?
>>16910154
I definitely will, at some point, look into finding a place that will be sensitive to my anxiety/trauma, but it'll take a lot of psyching myself up.
I am going to discuss all of this with my psychiatrist soon, though.
fell asleep....does the morning crowd have any suggestions?
>>16910977
Seems to me like you have an anxiety problem, not a vagina problem.
Gyno won't be able to fix that... but it is still a good idea to see one if you've never been. Can't hurt.
I'd talk to a psychologist and get his/her opinion.
just do a couple lines of snow, youll be riding his dick like its the end of civilization and you need to repopulate the planet
