How the fuck do I hold a conversation?
So... I basically have a girlfriend now, but I don't really know what to do. I like being around her, and taking her places, but I am not good at talking if the other person is not significantly contributing to the conversation. I have asked others and seen videos about the subject, and essentially I am just told to lower the bar regarding what I say and just talk about whatever, but I still don't know what the fuck to talk about. The only thing I can really talk about is video games but that obviously isn't a trendy topic with the girls. I think this stems from me having such a boring and mundane life (especially before I met her), even though I try to do stuff and keep things interesting. Can someone please help me?
>>16904457
Get drunk, do shit, talk about that shit.
Just do shit together, that's how you get stuff to talk about
>>16904457
Yeah sorry OP, you are right on this one. If you read, watch interesting movies, etc, you will have shit ton to talk about.
I think you should give it a try.
>>16904457
I have the same issue OP but nearly everyone I meet. I noticed recently that I keep up conversations and I keep trying to talk and people give shit responses or short answers. I understand now that people just don't care about what I have to say. But I did learn something I will pass onto you. If the person likes you, if the person wants to get to know you better then they will talk with you, they will keep the ball rolling. If its just you asking questions or trying to keep the conversation going then odds are the other person might just not care about you enough to want to talk with you.
I talk about programming practices, math and algorithms
Op you go on 4chan there's plenty to tell her. Ask her about her interest have her intro you into her stuff and vise versa.
>>16906391
>programming practices
What especially? I could talk about that.
>>16904457
Talk about your day, talk about the people in your life and stuff you're working on, whatever's going on with you. Or just take in your surroundings, make up stories about the people around you, goof around with dumb shit like that. Sometimes you don't really have to talk, like if you're riding a bus or a train or something, or walking, you're not obligated to constantly fill the time with conversation. Just chill out man, she likes you, it's good to put in an effort to show her a good time, but you don't have to try so hard to impress her.
I like to talk about myself a lot. People like listening to you talk about you also. You need to feel enthusiastic about yourself so that the other person realizes how engaged you are with your life and finds you interesting. Is there anything about yourself she doesn't know yet? What are your worst fears, greatest fantasies, and so on and so forth. And if the other person asks a question about you, then you can go and elaborate upon that subject further.
>>16906452
I talk about any programs i'm doing at school or work, what tech i'm learning or how I dislike java and php
meta-conversations
Talk about how strange it is to hold a conversation for you. Not in an accusatory way that pins blame on the other person, but thinking out loud and asking if the other person relates
You basically always want to ask questions + make educated guesses, explain your reasoning, explain the contrary idea, and then the whole time bounce ideas off the other person.
This might just be because I'm ENTP though
Usually these sorts of conversations end up leading to bigger and broader picture stuff, and you can learn more about yourself and the other person.
You just gotta be okay with hitting dead ends. Don't feel pressured to keep a new thing going. I've come up with a new strategy as well; every time I hit a dead end and am trying to think of something I'm feeling/ am observing, I mention that I'm doing it. "I'm trying to think of something else to talk about- unless you have something you wanna say :p"
Maybe it's autistic, but people find it endearing and entertaining
>>16904457
My last gf was easy because she had ADHD so she did all the talking.
Maybe you just need a different girl.
Also, the best thing with girls is not talking with them, it's getting to caress and group them.
>>16906548
Dude, i've tried that one.
90% of girls get pissed, "I dunno what you're talking about".
The ones who do know what im talking about still don't give a fuck.
Google FORD and conversation.
Get ideas.
It's actually simple. Ask questions. listen to her answers. Really listen.
ただそこに座って、あなたのペニスが唯一センチの長さであるかについて話すと、あなたが取るしようとしている努力はそれを長くします。
>>16906946
Going meta in casual conversation is almost never a good idea, you're definitely autistic.
>>16904457
Read about astronomy or ancient greek gods and talk about that.
>>16907071
Why is it autistic?
No one likes being fake, and no one likes pointless charades. Of course, not immediately into meta conversation, but I think someone who goes meta is infinitely more interesting than some guy talking about his weekend at some place.
Just talk about how it's hard for you to to talk about anything. Coming up with topics is way too forced anyhow.
And if she really likes you then I'm sure it should be fine for her if you're the silent one in the conversations. But try to make sure that she at least knows you're not being rude about it.
>>16907135
You're an entp so I imagine you can get away with going meta occasionally, but surely you understand that the best conversations are effortless? They possess an easy and careless quality that suggests you share a rapor with the person you're conversing with. Going meta, however, implies that the conversation has a component of affectation to it, that you're not simply conversing with a person on topics that you share a similar interest in, but that you're aware of the conversation itself rather than its contents and that you're consciously trying to steer it. It implies that conversation with said person is not easy, and unfortunately requires effort to maintain.
>>16907158
No no no
I don't mean meta as in "See, you're making this very difficult"
I mean it more like looking behind the scenes together.
It's not meant to be confrontational. It's still building rapport by stepping out of the conversation WITH them, standing side by side, and pointing at things and saying "See what I'm seeing? What do you see?"
For me, that sort of constant observation is effortless the more meta it is. It isn't awkward stumbling- for me it's like breaking the ice ALONG with the other person. I've only had it not work out once or twice, and it was with hardcore sensing types.
