You kind of have to fail at a couple relationships to learn to think like that. Or have some personal project you care about as much as your SO.

>>16903824

I have a relatively busy life, more than one long term relationship and I have a good job. I thought I was past all this but I'm clearly not.

Thank you for your response anyway, anon.

>>16903813
OP you and me are the same. When I have a chance at a relationship I end up retarding out and freak if her out.
Life is good in all other aspects.
I think the solution might be to not say much and not try to keep doing things to impress her.
It's hard though cause of the overanalysing.
Ps.. I think I just fucked up chances with the first girl I've really liked in two years. Feel like shrinking away into obscurity from her so I don't embarrass myself more.

>>16903866

I'm kinda the same. Things were great, they were obviously really happy with me, then life stuff happened and they started being a bit more quiet. I instantly start worrying, spend most of the time asking if everything is ok, picking things apart, basically asking for reassurance. It's so cringeworthy reading it back.

They're such a wonderful person as well, probably one of my best friends. I'm so frightened of losing it that I'm almost trying to sabotage it, so I can at least say I was right to be so worried.

Glad to hear it's not just me anon, but I'm sad you're going through the same thing.

>>16903874
I do have long term psych issues though, but it's so complex I can't put my finger on what might be causing it, and just going down that path is overanalysing.. Right?

Frustrating as fuck, because when I'm just doing my normal thing, women are attracted to me. But not the kind of women I want :(

It's like somehow I am wired to believe that I can't have the things I want..

Meanwhile an old fuckbuddy is coming over tonight to cook me dinner. I'll probably end up letting her seduce me just cause I need the pity sex.. :(

>>16903898

Well...sometimes we need that kind of easy reassurance, anon. You shouldn't feel too bad about it. It's nice that you have someone who will come over, cook for you and fuck you :)

You're obviously doing quite well as you can attract some women. I just hope you meet someone special...but then I fear the pressure may make you push them away like I'm doing at the moment.

I get where you're coming from with the whole "I don't deserve it" mentality. This person is so great and sometimes I find it hard to believe they like me and it isn't just a huge joke. I think I'm just worried about getting hurt at this stage of my life because prior to this, I never really gave a fuck.

>>16903917
>I don't deserve it 'mentality'
If I really am doing it because of this, it would go back to two things.
1. I feel incredible buried guilt over the death of a loved one. I should have been there to protect her but I failed. And I know I won't ever be able to find redemption.
2. The last long term relationship I had lasted over 10 years, but she confessed towards the end of it that she never loved me in the first place.

Honestly sometimes I feel like I'm not supposed to be with anyone because I'll bring them tragedy.

>>16903950

But anon, neither of those things are your fault. You are not responsible. You need to move on and focus on your own happiness now.

>>16904029
Thanks for the talk anon. It's nice to know someone cares. I've accepted most of what I've been through. My fault or not. There's just a tiny bit more to go and I feel like I need someone else's help for it. But I'm too afraid to ask someone to hold my hand :(

Tell me about your friend and what's going on. How are you trying to sabotage it and why did they go quiet?

I've already reasoned with myself that those things are somewhat my fault, because I have to be realistic about it. My actions, or lack of actions had a part to play. I've accepted that and allowed myself to improve my mental well being and self worth without a hindrance. Except for the insecurity I feel when I'm pursuing a woman. I just don't find women often who I am that interested in, so it doesn't happen often enough for me to work on.

They say love yourself and be independent, then other people will love you and want to be around your independence.

Well it's like I'm mostly out of this mentally fucked up hole I've been in for so long, and I just need the tiniest bit of help for someone to help me the rest of the way by holding my hand for it, and reassuring me that they won't let me fall back in.

I'm sooooo close..