I've spent about the past decade of my life getting away

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Anonymous
2016-03-10 23:00:44 Post No. 16900943
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Anonymous 2016-03-10 23:00:44 Post No. 16900943 [Report]

I've spent about the past decade of my life getting away with doing nothing. Now that doesn't fly so I need to turn my shit around. I know what I need to do (as in what tasks must be finished) but I just can't fucking bring myself to do them regularly, if at all. I've been in a pretty bad depression for a few years now, so that plus having never formed good habits results in this situation.

How do I get any amount of motivation? I've never felt as bad as now, when I can see a problem and the solution but feel completely unable to do anything about it. I spend most of my days feeling like I spectate my life, not making any decisions. When I'm home I do nothing for hours, or just go back to sleep. Realizing the consequences of this behavior doesn't do anything me. I've had a few times where I try working with to-do lists, seriously telling myself that I'm going to get a routine, etc. but it just never happens. If anyone else has dealt with this kind of thing before I'd like to hear anything about how to get out of it.

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Anonymous 2016-03-10 23:08:21 Post No.16900969
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Anonymous 2016-03-10 23:08:21 Post No.16900969 [Report]

holy fuckfuck are you me?

>I spend most of my days feeling like I spectate my life
that fucking feeling...

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Anonymous 2016-03-10 23:25:30 Post No.16901031
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Anonymous 2016-03-10 23:25:30 Post No.16901031 [Report]

>>16900969

I feel like it's the most common symptom of depression. Also I can tell my life is highly ritualized even though it's without structure. I think the same things in the same places (shower, etc), do things the same way each time, shit like that. I've given up on any sense of agency or free will or whatever.