im a straight male who was sexually molested once as a child by an older guy and then much later in life by my ex fiancee.
nobody really knows about the incident that happened to me as a child, but a select few know about the time when my ex got drunk and forced herself on me.
being used has something that has been a theme through out my life and to this day i have extreme trust issues. im always living in a constant state of doubt and suspicion of everyone including myself.
i dont like bringing up the fact that a woman raped me because it sounds unbelievable and i know i wont be taken seriously. i want to be able to trust people more but i just cant shake my intuition that always tells me "i better not".
So what's your question?
>>16900338
>i want to be able to trust people more but i just cant shake my intuition that always tells me "i better not".
>>16900318
Why didn't you push her off you. Honestly if it's not violent strange rape I think you can just let things like this go. She took your dick for a joy ride. And as long everything is in place no need to be butthurt about it as long as it doesn't happen again.
>>16900348
That's not a question, it's a statement.
If you're looking for an opinion then:
You can't get through life without trusting people at all but you obviously can't trust everybody either. As you grow older and interact with more people it will be easier to figure out who to trust and on what. If you're unsure it's better to just be safe, but don't exaggerate it either. There's a difference from being safe and being paranoiac/antisocial, but no one can tell you where that line is, you need to figure it out yourself.
If your question is "how do I start trusting people more?"
You can't. Well at least there's no fast way. It may come with time but only if you actually have people around you to trust. If you wall yourself into a cocoon you will always have trust issues.
>>16900370
>Why didn't you push her off you
shes was drunk and i didnt want to hurt her.
in the aftermath when she sobered up and realized what she did she swore off booze... until she broke up with me a few years later.
>>16900370
>Honestly if it's not violent strange rape I think you can just let things like this go.
>>16900370
>Honestly if it's not violent strange rape I think you can just let things like this go.
shes was a tough woman. she weighed as much as me and was on top of me.
>>16900370
>She took your dick for a joy ride.
there wasnt anything joyful about this. all i felt was shame and degradation... the shit she was saying to me was fucked up.
>>16900370
>And as long everything is in place no need to be butthurt about it as long as it doesn't happen again.
fuck you
>>16900381
>That's not a question, it's a statement.
fucking semantics.
i came here for advice.
>>16900381
>There's a difference from being safe and being paranoiac/antisocial, but no one can tell you where that line is, you need to figure it out yourself.
im struggling with that
>>16900390
>shes was drunk and i didnt want to hurt her.
So you decided that not hurting her was more important than getting your dick rode. Why are you crying about it now.
>Honestly if it's not violent strange rape I think you can just let things like this go.
shes was a tough woman. she weighed as much as me and was on top of me.
Thats not violent rape. Can you not lift yourself? If you are weak I can see problems but thats not violence. Did you feel threatened that she was going to beat you. If not my >there wasnt anything joyful about this
When you take someones car for a joy ride, its never joyful for them. Dont be retarded. As long as everything was put back in place and the gas was filled up and they dont do it again theres literally no reason to sulk.
dont let rape culture turn you into a little bitch.
Man gets raped
>suck it up faggot, she was just taking your dick for a joyride don't be such a pussy
Woman has sex she later regrets
>you fucking rapist degenerate scum, guilty until proven innocent!
"B-but don't get mad officers, I was just taking her pussy for a joyride"
>>16900420
>So you decided that not hurting her was more important than getting your dick rode. Why are you crying about it now.
i was scared and froze. i didnt know what to do.
>>16900420
>Did you feel threatened that she was going to beat you.
yes
>>16900420
>Can you not lift yourself?
not someone close to my own body weight and size
i dont see why i have to explain this shit.
>>16900428
>Woman has sex she later regrets
She gets ignored in court. Unless its on a college campus where affirmative consent is mandated by law, regret sex is taken as a joke.
You are confusion sorority girls with the rest of the world. People in college get special privileges anon. You arent a sorority girl.
>>16900428
yeah im already regretting making this stupid fucking thread.
no idea what the fuck i was expecting.
>>16900437
>i was scared and froze. i didnt know what to do.
You just said you didnt want to hurt her. make up your mind. And theres no sympathy for people who cant take action. Thats the real problem. Dont be a little faggot about it.
>feeling threatened by a female
my sides. Well I can see how you feel bad now. But my fucking sides. Dont be with people you feel threatened by. Did she hit you. If not you were just being unreasonable which caused your crippling fear and inability to take action. Which is your responsibility.
Now Im not saying that taking someones car for a joy ride is their fault, but the owner of the car is responsible for it and if they take no action to prevent it then theyve failed their responsibility. So basically you both fucked up.
>not someone close to my own body weight and size
Are you obese. Because Im 170lb and bench 255lb.
Basically you are a faggot. Let it go and learn for your mistakes. Honestly society now turns people into little bitches. Theres no sympathy for a victim who doesnt speak up to defend themselves.
>>16900428
>woman has sex she later regrets
>calls it rape
That happens less often than 4chan tells you it does.
>>16900466
It happens more often than 4chan tells you
>>16900445
Don't feel bad anon.
There are plenty anons who do not need you to justify the things that happened to you.
We just can't advice anything helpful so we just lurk invisible.
>>16900461
>You just said you didnt want to hurt her. make up your mind. And theres no sympathy for people who cant take action. Thats the real problem. Dont be a little faggot about it.
i dont want sympathy- i only mention this because it gives context to why i have alot of trouble trusting people.
>>16900461
>Theres no sympathy for a victim who doesnt speak up to defend themselves.
how do you defend yourself from a loved one who is clearly under the influence?
>>16900475
>i dont want sympathy
So you are going to ignore the contradiction of your words.
>how do you defend yourself from a loved one who is clearly under the influence?
Well you are apparently really weak so the options available to me are not open to you. But did you really try to stop her. Im sure if you kept pushing she would have had to hold you down forcefully at least which it doesnt seem to be the case.
Also learn to let it go. Do you get this butthurt when your loved one takes you car for a joy ride. As long as they dont do it again and everything is back in place no harm done in the end.
This is why people need to stop being little faggots. She feels bad, apologized, swore off alcohol. She cant repent for her actions more. And no harm was done to you. Let it go. You are fine. Nothing bad happened to you anon other than sitting through something you didnt like. Just pretend it was a bad movie.
>>16900522
>straightforward logical points
>bait
And this is why you are a faggot.
>>16900529
when i was molested as a child should i have just manned up from that too?
i have issues
Hey OP I just passed this thread. I have to go right now but I wish I had more time to help you.
Mainly I want you to know that what your fiancé did was wrong, even if she was a women, if you didn't want her to have sex with you it was rape. Its not your fault that it happened if in the moment you couldn't bring yourself to fight her off.
Don't believe the victim shamers in this thread, they probably have no idea what its like to go through something like this and are too full of their egos to put their selves in your shoes.
>>16900541
No children arent at the point where they can begin protect themselves from the cruel hard world which is why we do it for them. You were very clearly a victim there. No bullshit about it. There were no gray lines there.
But this bullshit about you gf needs to stop.
>>16900541
>gets raped
>comes to 4chan for advice
i just need help figuring out how to overcome my constant distrust of everyone.
>>16900390
Man up you fucking pussy
>>16900541
I should add, you should be able to get over being molested. That being said since it was done as a child there isnt really any reason to expect that you would have the mental fortitude to be able to.
I mean, ive been 'molested' by other little girls and it didnt turn into the huge trauma. My point being is that there is no reason to be traumatized from it. Pissed off it happened. Vengeful. Sure. Turned into a little bitch. Not really. But since you were a child I cant hold you to that.
>>16900554
>But this bullshit about you gf needs to stop.
youre the only one who is focusing on it.
>>16900553
Actually my first time was almost exactly like OP except she wasnt drunk and i was probably 3 times stronger than her and weight more. Which is why I can tell theres no reason for him to turn into a little faggot over it.
>>16900572
>I should add, you should be able to get over being molested. That being said since it was done as a child there isnt really any reason to expect that you would have the mental fortitude to be able to.
youd think that- im normally pretty functional, but once in a while i have a flash back. happens maybe like every 4-5 months.
>>16900574
Because it seems to have an effect on you when it shouldnt. Theres half of your issues solved right there if you stopped being a little faggot. Hell Im willing to bet thats why you broke up with her.
>>16900587
>Because it seems to have an effect on you when it shouldnt.
fuck you- i cant help the way i feel.
>>16900587
>Hell Im willing to bet thats why you broke up with her.
she broke up with me actually :\
despite what you think i actually did forgive her for what she did to me.
>>16900583
Guess ill go further into my past. My gf was raped and she found clinging to me and talking to me about it when she had flashbacks helped calmed her down. And how she was able to visibly confirm that I wasnt going to threaten her during her crazy moments helped her get over it.
>>16900599
i dont have anyone to share this with. i live a very lonely life. would be nice to share it with someone though instead of always keep it to myself.
>>16900318
>i want to trust people
>but i dont
trust is overrated. you can still live life rather normally without trusting someone the way that 'true love' and all that BS implies.
you can let someone close while still having your guard up
>>16900597
You feel that way because you are playing up the victim role way too hard. You harp on being the victim and in turn you feel like absolute shit instead of learning from the situation and moving on. This is a luxury only given to people who live really comfortable lives.
When a hooker gets raped she has to man the fuck up and get back to whoring. Why is it hookers take it better than you. Because you harp like a little faggot playing the victim. You arent a passenger in your life. If you dont take an active roll in something than you should take a hard look at yourself and not what happened.
>>16900603
>i dont have anyone to share this with
Should have done it with your gf. Now get a new one and do this. Youll get over it when you face it with someone. Just stop being a faggot until then.
>>16900597
>i cant help the way i feel
This is why sociopaths get ahead.
>>16900607
>you can let someone close while still having your guard up
yeah... but it isnt healthy for relationships.
and it is extremely exausting
>>16900608
hookers put themselves in potentially dangerous situations with strangers.
this happened to me with somebody i thought i could trust.
i cant help but feel there is a distinction here.
>>16900615
i should clarify- this was something that happened to me years ago.
ive been with different women since and im constantly on my guard and im in a constant state of doubt- even doubting my own intuition.
>>16900620
>hookers put themselves in potentially dangerous situations with strangers.
You just straight up blamed the victim for violent rape. It just shows how much of a faggot you are being.
Nothing traumatizing happened except for the fact that you are a faggot. You think having your gf sit on you is more traumatizing that being hit, beaten, and knowing that you are utterly powerless as you are taken advantage of with no way of resisting.
>>16900625
>You just straight up blamed the victim for violent rape.
wrong-
i merely pointed out the reality that a prostitute is prepared to deal with a dangerous situation with a stranger and even defend themselves because they have no emotional investment you blithering, knuckle-dragging retard.
>>16900624
maybe stop being a faggot and take a hard look at the facts.
>my gf might ride my dick
On a scale of 1 to 10 for horrible things that can happen this is like a 0.
Now if we look at the more mental side of it then what are you worried about. That shes going to ride you dick. Is that really that bad.
Is she going hold you down and threaten you. Beat you. Probably not and you get your dick ridden.
Now if you really really dont want sex like a faggot for some reason what exactly are you afraid of. 1 review just why exactly you dont want sex. Is it worth fighting back. Probably not. But lets say it is. Shes a woman. Literally push her a little and she'll probably stop. This is dealing with people 101.
So the real question is, what exactly are you being such a faggot over. What are you afraid of happening. Its one thing to be mad and angry and vengeful. But theres nothing to be afraid of.
>>16900634
You call me a retard but you literally just ignored the entire point of that post. Youve been doing this the entire time. You cant into logic it seems so you are hopeless. Take a logic class first and then come back.
>>16900562
>i just need help figuring out how to overcome my constant distrust of everyone.
First of all, I have a few questions: have you gone to therapy? It seems most of this issues will be better resolved if discussed with a professional rather than a bunch of 4chan users.
Have you ever feel betrayed apart from the two experiences you mentioned? Or you think that the distrust you feel towards everyone is mainly caused by the abuse you suffered when you were a child?
You also said you didn't want to hurt your ex-fiance when she force herself on you, did she knew about your experience as a child? Was this behaviour similar in other aspects of your relationship?
>have a cow of a gf
>have sex with her and regret it
>guys I was molested ;_;
>>16900667
>have you gone to therapy?
no- too ashamed
>>16900667
>Have you ever feel betrayed apart from the two experiences you mentioned?
yes.
i dont have anyone constant in my life because they usually just abandon me. so often people have bailed on me- like my parents and every lover i ever knew.
>>16900667
>did she knew about your experience as a child?
no
>>16900667
>Was this behaviour similar in other aspects of your relationship?
some of it yeah.
>>16900686
God you sound insufferable. It's no surprise why you are ditched so often
>>16900704
>>16900704
Its because he's playing the role of the victim. And everyone hates a victim that doesnt try to save themselves. You are supposed to hate him. It means you still are a human capable of overcoming adversity. People who play victim give off a sense of false powerlessness that should be despised.
>>16900718
up until now i have kept this to myself for years.
>>16900723
Im sure no ones called you a faggot for it until now either. Everyone hates people like you. Youve only been pretending because you know that.
>>16900730
great
>drunk woman that weights as much as he does(which still makes her weaker since women have less muscle mass) has sex with him and he doesn't resist
>she's also his wife
>I was raped
Can't take that seriously, OP.
>>16900748
she was not weaker than me- she was in roller derby for a couple of years before we met.
and i did verbally resist.
>>16900763
>Drunk person doesn't listen to me.
My sides.
>>16900753
>>16900763
Christ, buddy
>>16900768
>>16900748
>>16900730
>>16900718
>>16900704
>>16900673
>>16900660
>>16900625
>>16900572
>>16900558
>>16900500
>>16900461
>>16900420
>>16900370
Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you cunts? Are you just trolling or are you really this fucking retarded? Molestation, during childhood expecially, it's a traumatizing experience. Of course he would react to what it happened to him with is gf differenctly from you, because that would make him remember and partially re-experience an horrible moment of his life. Hence the fear and the inability to react inappropriately. It should be obvious just by reading this:
>>16900583
>youd think that- im normally pretty functional, but once in a while i have a flash back. happens maybe like every 4-5 months.
You are the only faggots here, trying to be edgy as fuck. Grow up.
OP, I know you are ashamed, but I think as well that maybe therapy could help.
>>16900983
*to react appropriately
>>16900983
needs to be changed to
STOP BEING SO OPPRESSIVE
YOU'RE TRIGGERING THE CHILDREN
That's your problem op. You seem to fully trust someone when they are important to you.
I don't fully trust anyone, not even my parents. You gotta keep that 1% of not trust in the back of your mind so when people do backstabbing shit, you aren't emotionally crippled to do the right thing when shit goes down.
>>16900318
im keeping this thread tabbed because you are literally me, except i was molested by my best friend that was a male. It has utterly ruined everything in my life. I just cant be normal because of it. Sex and relationships, its all fucked. Im fucked up beyond repair. I guess this is just the life we live after getting taken advantage of.
>that feel when it doesnt get better and you have to live with it all your life
>the sexual frustration never ends
just fuck my shit up
anon, despite the assholes, there's some actual good advice in here and it seems like you're ignoring it in lieu of someone telling you the ultimate/best way to handle this. there is no perfect/right way, everyone is different in how they handle things.
before you can move on, however, if you're suffering from trust issues this much, you need to go to the root of your issues, which like you mentioned stems from the first time you were sexually molested.
until you come to terms and peace with what's happened, and learn to move on or live with it (coping skills), you're not going to be able to learn to trust people. you cannot force yourself to trust people, that's not how it works. i tell you this from experience. i have a guy friend that went through sexual assault and kept it inside for a long time because nobody would take him seriously. it's a fucking shame, but maybe what you need is to start out by talking about it more, possibly considering therapy if you haven't already. if you suffer a lot of anxiety, learn some positive coping skills for that.
they say things get better with time, but that's only true if you rip the band aid off first to give it some air.
This is why I protest feminist groups.
The rate of men that get raped by their spouse is equal to females but men are also 2x not likely to report it than women. I suggest you try therapy to try and hear your wounds and maybe a service doggy. I am sorry that you have been treated this way I promise I am trying my best as a female to make it so men have the same support systems as females.
There are men just like you do not feel bad. You are not alone.
hey dude ive had very many bad things happen to me including being homeless and having a parent die and being sexually abused by a partner made me just as upset and affected me for just as long. youre not a pussy for not hurting a girl who forced herself on you and that sucks, but this isn't the place to look for help clearly. they got hotlines for this shit, sometimes the people there are helpful and sometimes not it's really hit or miss, but the last few times ive called (because i was too embarrassed to talk to my friends about it) i was treated well.
hope youre OK
>>16900983
>I know you are ashamed, but I think as well that maybe therapy could help.
i just cant bring it up. every time i try to talk about it i just rather not.
>>16901854
>until you come to terms and peace with what's happened, and learn to move on or live with it (coping skills), you're not going to be able to learn to trust people. you cannot force yourself to trust people, that's not how it works.
how? i want to get better but i dont know how.
>>16902295
>hope youre OK
im alright
>>16902087
>I suggest you try therapy to try and hear your wounds and maybe a service doggy.
how would a dog help me?
