Hey guys, I think I'll see a therapist soon but for now you're all I've got.
For many years I've sort of struggled with this part of my identity and I only just recently have been able to pinpoint my issue and the cause(s).
The problem is I don't think I'm manly enough, I'm not really that masculine, nor that "alpha" if you want to go there. I think this is because my dad, although present in my childhood, didn't really _raise_ me, we never really bonded except sometimes sharing an interest in old muscle cars. I've been a "mama's boy" from a young age and when my parents split when I was 12 I lived with my mom, only seeing my dad once a week at most for a few hours for dinner and sometimes a movie or something.
I'm almost 19 now and living with my mom because I'm attending a local college for 2 years before transferring to a university so I have no need to get my own apartment yet. My mom's had a few relationships with guys in the past 7 years but only just recently did she get in a really serious one, and she's talked to me about him moving in and possible marriage down the line. He's a nice guy, I have no real issues with him, I just have never had to deal with actual men in my life, in the household, or just being around them in general. And by men I mean those who fish, shoot guns, can cook and supply for their family, bullshit with a few beers, etc. I was into masculine things when I was a kid, I loved playing with guns, destruction and war like lots of boys, and my best friend was a big outdoorsy type, but sometime in adolescence I switched to being on the computer more and my mom was more than happy to enable me in my passive, unchallenging and pressure-less lifestyle.
I guess my question is, if I want to fix this, where do I even start? I know my mom’s boyfriend has mentioned taking me shooting, it’d be a first step I guess. Do I just start doing things with this man who is essentially just a nice stranger? Thanks in advance guys.
I think I know how you feel. My dad is a blue collar worker, ex-military, grew up on a farm, son of a carpenter, amazing shot, fishes hunts and everything. I never was very masculine but its something you can become.
>>16897742
same guy here.
for starters try to hang out with people, men, and do the manly things, if you show a good spirit and are eager to learn they wont mind if you are new to it. also, you dont have to do a whole bunch of manly hobbies, just select a few you enjoy and concentrate on those.
>>16897748
I focus on guns, mostly rifles and handguns, I collect and shoot them and i am a pretty good shot. Also, being assertive is a great quality to have. If you give in to people all the time it takes you back, real men are strong mentally and physically. I also lift weights occasionally and do sports. I got a state medal in track and that helps you out a lot.
>>16897758
any other specific questions just ask ill monitor this thread.
>>16897761
I think I'll start asking my dad to do some things, but be adamant that we do it just one-on-one. Last time I asked him in the summer, I was feeling a bit like I'm feeling now and I asked him if he wanted to go rafting or something similar, and he said yeah but brought in a bunch of people too, like his cousin and some friends in the 30s-40s range which was pretty intimidating so I didn't do much but talk to him every few minutes
Hang out with more male father figures if possible. I would take up the shooting range offer, maybe even get to know that stranger and try to establish a bond.
Artofmanliness.com is extremely helpful in general man advice, would highly reccomend
Dude, don't ascribe a gender to these activities. If over the top hyper-masculinity showmanship doesn't appeal to you, be proud that you're actually capable of thinking like a civilized person instead of a retarded caveman lmao. Seriously though, not liking hunting or lighting matches on your beard doesn't actually make you "less of a man". Give things a shot, if you like them, you like them and if you don't you don't. There's no need to feel bad about having different interests than this cliche model of a "man" society pressures you to be. People that obsess over all these "many activities" are usually doing it for show, undoubtedly to cover up deep seated insecurities that probably aren't unlike your own.
>>16898274
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