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hi /adv/

I am in my second year of grad school, and this guy that I have been seeing in the medical school dumped me. It's been the worst few months of my grad school life, and its hard to get him out of my mind. Literally everything sucked about school except for him, and I felt the most happiest with him, especially when I cuddled with him. We would make out pretty often, sometimes a bit ostentatiously like in the parking lot at night, sometimes kiss briefly when we studied together in the study hall and his friends would sit near us. I have never felt so happy and so special inside of a school environment in my entire life. When I saw him at school I just felt all of my emotions concentrate and they would get pulled out of me. The more I think about these memories the more I tend to tear up.

Even outside of school, we went on this really long, 6 hour hike with beautiful scenery. Probably every 10 minutes we would stop to make out.

And usually after exams were over we would get together and have sex, which would sort of release the pain of studying.

He has been pretty integrated into my life in grad school, and now that he is gone I have experienced the worst frustration of my life.

He is gone, quite literally because he ended up failing, and has to re-take his year next year. So I never even see him on campus.

When I walk around I literally look for him constantly. I walk through the library and try to find him, and I look at the parking lot hoping to see his car parked there, but I never do.

And I know he does not spend this much time thinking about me. I cannot help these thoughts.

This happens ALL the time whenever I develop a legitimate crush on someone who I can't have. Even if I don't have sex with the person, and there was some flirting going on, I get these crazy, incessant, and obsessive thoughts over my crush and I think about them every single day, hoping to see them somewhere throughout my day and I never do.