So I recently moved off to college and am making a handful of really meaningful friendships that I value tremendously. Really, I'm having friends for the first time in my life, and I love it. I have never been happier.
But now I'm realizing that... well... what happens after college? When we all move separate ways, get married, move away, never see each other again? What's the point? Why make friends if eventually they're just going to... be gone?
I'm struggling with this idea. Like I mentioned, I've never had any close friends until now, and that's it's own set of insecurities. For instance, I feel like I want these relationships to get too intimate, too fast (not sexually, obviously, but literally intimate - close). I feel like I need to cling to them in fear of losing them. That's neither here nor there though. Another post, another time.
My real concern is this feeling eating away at me that is like "this is so fleeting and not permanent." That depresses me.
Anyone else feel like that?
>>16893877
something isn't beautiful because it lasts.
>why make friends if eventually they're just going to.. be gone?
you are alive now, correct? you can enjoy moments that are happening now? you can enjoy that cake that wont be there in 15 minutes. you can enjoy that show that is being cancelled this year. you can watch a movie that doesn't get a sequel.
you have friends in your life because they are where you are. after this a lot of them are going to go their own way. some might stay close. some might stay closer. some might never even talk to you on facebook after the fact. its life.
but why do they have to be there when you are sixty? why? wont you have new friends then? whats wrong with having new friends then?
nothing lasts forever. you shouldn't have to submit yourself to a friendless life just because they dont either.
>>16893877
I went to five highschools because I was a military kid. should i just not have bothered having friends because they wouldnt be there when i moved away? we enjoy the people in our lives because they happen to be there and we happen to enjoy them. it doesn't matter if they are going to be gone tomorrow if they can make you smile today.
>>16893913
>>16893918
These are excellent points, but it still kind of hurts, I guess. I've been told I love fiercely and completely, and it feels like if I invest my heart into the hearts of others, and life takes them away, the pain is too great. That's why I'm not concerned with, like, dating relationships. When I find the right one, I can fucking marry her and we'll always be together. Male friendships and platonic female friendships, that's a different story.
Am I weird?
>>16893933
Not at all. We humans are social creatures it is natural to want to have a connection with a person. And if you are really close to these people like you say you are there is nothing stopping you from staying in touch after college. With the advent of Facebook and social media you never really go out of touch with people. Plus once you enter the workplace you will be able to hopefully find like minded people in your field of work. Which is a bonus if you ask me
>>16893933
>weird
nope, just brainwashed. it sounds like you never outgrew disney or nicktoons.
yes it hurts when friends move on, but its a bittersweet ending.
>"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard"
its life. you'll get it. its your first friends so it hurts a lot. trust me i remember. i lost friends at least once a year because thats how the military is. its not pain you feel in the end. just longing or something to that extent.
>when i find the right one, i canfucking marry her and we'll always be together
of all the horrible assumptions you've made, this one is the worst. first and foremost you arent going to one day find 'the one' wihtout ever having bothered to dable in romantic relationships beforehand. if oyu happened to find a great match, how would you possibly be able to handle it maturely if you are the romantic equivalent of a 12 year old meeting his first gf?
passion fades as you gain experience. like time itself, the more you get, the less extreme it is. the more you date, the more you friend (and of course, the more those end) the less they hurt when new ones end in the future.
i doubt ill change your mind with how deep into the fairytale you've got yourself, but you'll see. i just implore you to date early on if you have any hope of ever having a serious relationsihp
>>16893951
Maybe I worded it wrong. I'm not like waiting for a magical day when the perfect girl shows up. I date around plenty. I was just talking about when I find the girl that I WANT to spend the rest of my life with, I can. That's all. But more on topic,
I know you're right. Like, my brain knows it. My heart doesn't so much, but you (and the other anon[s]) make a lot of sense. I know the old adage is talking about romantic love, but I guess it IS "better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
Just new and fresh to me.
>>16893974
>spend hte rest of my life with
still a foolish and unrealistic concept. dont base your relationsihps about whether or not you think they will be there in 25 years. you dont need someone to be there in 25 years. you need someone who fulfills your needs now. to think either of you will become what you need in 25 years is silly.
>new and fresh
i get it. you're a little late to the party. but one day you'll look back and realize the song is over, but the melody lingers on.
>>16893877
>Why make friends if eventually they're just going to... be gone?
Why live if you're eventually gonna die?
faggot
Why not resolve to maintain 1 or 2 of your very best friendships after you graduate? It's not actually that hard to stay friends with people, it just takes sustained effort (hence why you should only pick a few). You have to message/call them regularly, always prioritize meeting up when you're in the same town, etc. But it can be done. Hell, I just got off the phone with somebody I went to school with 7 years ago.
It sounds like you've got a false dichotomy going on, and it's freaking you out. Not all your friendships will survive after college. But not all of them will vanish, either, especially not if you make a conscious effort to prevent it. The interactions you're having right now are gonna help you figure out who's worth that energy expenditure in the long term.
Op just live the moment and enjoy it. Had a group of about 5 really close friends since middleschool. 1 would constantly disappear whenever he got a gf. Another was gay and had some issues with the 1st one. After he came out he started hanging out with his gay friends and recently he moved away to finish medical school. Another one dropped out from college for a year to do some traveling. When he came back he switched majors. Moved away after a while and a few months ago we got together and he told us it was his last day here. Got on a plane and moved away.
First girl from that group met a guy on a trip a year ago. She moved away with him. Another girl is working at an insurance company in an administrative position and is constantly flying out of the country because of work (3-4 times a month). The other married my best friend and got a promotion but she had to move out of the country with him.
Had a group of 3 real good friends in college. 2 are working on their phd and are really busy with their thesis. The other moved to the countryside about 2 years ago and a few weeks ago contacted me on FB. Things got a bit weird with her after I asked her out back in college and we started talking less each day.
Thing is, I cant say that I dont feel sad that I'm basically alone. Hell my best friend left 3 weeks ago and I havent gone out since then. I can tell you that those 3-7 years i had with these people were great and I dont think I would change them for anything in the world. I have to come to terms with that and accept that life goes on and that this is a normal part of it. Now all I can do is move on, try to make new acquaintances and try to somehow catch up with my old friends if they ever come back once or twice a year to visit their families.
It's things like this that make me glad I'm from a major city in a small country
I guess the general consensus from my thread is "live in the now, and enjoy it."
That's great advice, and I really want to learn to do that. I guess the question I'm left with is... how?
Teach me.
>>16894129
Just do it. Nothing there to it than just living in the moment and not worrying about things that you will have little to no control over. When the time comes and you drift apart deal with that then. Feels like you are attempting to cross the river 5 miles before getting to it.
As far as you know you might not even have to deal with this problem. I live in a small island in the Caribbean and even though we are somewhat close, its fairly common for young adults to leave the country to for better work opportunities. In my case I started a business which requires me to live here and I don't really have "vacations" so visiting friends might be a bit more complicated for me than other people with a regular job (since they have 2 or 3 weeks of vacations). Further along the line I will end up getting an employee to help me with things and then I can afford to travel around.
