What the fuck is confidence /adv/? I am positive I don't have any fucking confidence and I don't know how to get it.
I am 25 and dreadfully aware of situations. To me.. confidence is just blind belief in luck. You have NO IDEA what that woman will say to you if you just walk up and talk to her BUT you probably have a good idea of what she might say based on maybe your looks, what you have, what you can do etc.
How is it that people can even have high confidence with how unpredictable humans are? Like that girl could verbally maim you for you talking to her or she could be receptive.
ITS A FUCKING GAMBLE! Gambles to me are never good. EVER. Sure you could cash out but on the flip side, you could LOSE.
Help me understand confidence and what it is. It seems like the only confident people are people who aren't self aware, or don't give a fuck OR are sociopaths or are psychopaths. I have not met one sane CONFIDENT person ever. I can HONESTLY say that.
I don't know anyone who is confident AND sane. Help me understand. What the fuck is confidence and how do I get it>?
>>16877567
Confidence can take many different forms, but when you have it, you know it.
>Confidence is knowing that you can walk into any new experience or initially uncomfortable experience and become comfortable with it through earning and preparation.
>Confidence is knowing that personal insults by people shouldn't be taken to heart unless there is some meaning and substance behind them.
>Confidence is being able to speak up when you don't understand something as much as you want, even if people will think that you are stupid.
>Confidence is knowing that women will want you for what you can provide for them and what you can do to enrich their life.
>Confidence is being able to emphasize with people and act in a way you know is appropriate around them because of your experience.
>Confidence is knowing that you don't know everything, but knowing that you have the skills that you can learn what you want to.
>Confidence is being willing to take risks that will undoubtedly improve your situtation or enrich your life if it plays out the way you want it to.
>Confidence is accepting and being aware of your own limitations and working around them.
>Confidence is accepting and being comfortable with who you are, and not wishing to be someone else.
>Confidence js the willingness to take your own path, regardless of what people tell you.
>Confidence is the willingness to be open-minded to learning new things, and finding value in everything you do.
>Confidence is being willing to discover what you want to become based on your experiences.
>Confidence is not taking your mistakes to heart, and acting on gut feelings and reason rather than insecurities and doubts.
>Confidence is self-satisfaction, independence, and anticipation for the future.
>>16877567
If - Rudyard Kipling
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!
>>16877567
mm yes, it's like a gamble alright. but hey u are never gonna win if u never play.
>>16877595
>>16877612
not OP but i honestly hate this shit, your a male of the human race, we pretty neat but honestly we just an animal with limitations chill out with this bullshit. From the way this stuff sounds, seems like 95% of men aren't confident.
OP, heres how i look at confidence.
All those self doubtsand shit you feel? Everyone feels it about something or sometime, they're either lieing, deluded, or sick in the head if not.
Just go for it, fuck it, even if it fucks up, you'll be dead eventually and be forgotten.
I guess I am just bitter because I feel like I don't have that "masculine spark". I just don't have whatever that "IT" is that women look for in men typically. It really bugs me out because I feel like I am a good guy but obviously not if I can't attract a female.
My friends describe me perfectly, they rarely can remember if I am even there sometimes. For example, I could go to a party and then my friends will be talking about it next week and no one will remember that I was even there with them.
Very strange phenomenon. It drives me crazy because I think women see me like a piece of scenery..
>>16877653
Do you not say anything because you can't think of anything or because your scared?
If the former, well, that is a bit more tricky. Talk about what you like and not give a fuck.
If the latter, don't be, they're a bunch of flawed sacks of meat like you.
>>16877665
I mostly just have nothing to say. It feels like shit. I want to talk and say things but nothing makes sense to say at the time.
Look man, if you aren't confident, use it as motivation to better yourself. I gained my confidence from girls, hook ups, compliments, you fucking name it. Some people are just naturally confident (usually the fucking morons who have no reason to be lmao).
Fix yourself man, try a new style, new haircut, nice cologne even. Try improve yourself and maybe you'll get some looks from girls in public or even a few compliments. Once they start rolling in, your confidence will improve dramatically.
>>16877650
I consider myself a very confident person and I see the world as being full of possibilities. I do whatever my intuition tells me is right, regardless of what other people will think of me for doing so.
I don't care if people think I'm stupid, or awkward, or pushy, or goofy, or charming. Too many people seek validation for their actions, because we are conditioned to do so by our authority figures and family.
I'm not afraid to be extremely critical of others. I'm not afraid to walk up to a girl who I barely know if I know what I want to say and what I am doing. I know how to hold long and deep conversations, and I'm not afraid of the opinions of other people who have no affect on the path I want to take. I'm not afraid of making small mistakes, better to make them now than when it actually matters.
Obviously you are going to get nervous every once in a whole. You are going to feel doubt. You are going to feel anxious in an unfamiliar situation. You are going to feel sad. That's life. What really matters is what you do when you experience these feelings. Are you willing to work hard in order to overcome them? Are you willing to change your mindset from a static one to a growth one if it means that you can overcome your uncertainty?
A person's life is very short, and pursuing goals that are not your own is no way to live. Act in a way that burns as few bridges as possible while keeping your opportunities open.
People who cling to their ideals have hope. People with hope are willing to do things others won't. Confidence and ambition go hand in hand.
Don't tell me that you hate my perspective when you have no insight of me and the way I think. Using rhetorical devices like parallel structure in order to emphasize my feelings does not mean my opinion is wrong. People achieve self-confidence in different ways, because everybody is inherently different from one another, and we are all raised under different circumstances.
Note: I am >>16877595
>like that girl could verbally maim you
Yea, if you let her
Listen bruh, your fear of women is only in what you will let them do.
Are you reallyyyyy gonna stand there while a bitch verbally snips ur balls off? If so, u deserve to get shit on by every girl u encounter, cause no girl worth her salt is gonna want a spineless pussyfag like you.
Confidence is not about knowing that you're good enough for someone, its for knowing that you're good no matter what she says, cause ur still that nigga
I have a problem with confidence too.
My problem is, i don't feel as if i'm worthy of being confident, i feel too flawed and if i ever want to be assertive about something i would have had to have achieved perfection. I can't do anything because i know i'm mediocre. Maybe it's that everyone around me is some sort of gifted genius or i really am just so incompetent that i can't keep up with the rest. It's crippling, i am basically mute because my pronunciation isn't perfect, i don't know how to interact with other people, and i never leave my room because my body is garbage-tier also things that i have no control over like my face, my face is so shit that i don't want to be seen in public. How do i abandon wanting to be perfect? I can't imagine me being content whilst mediocre, but i know this longing to be something i'll never be is what's keeping me down. If you've had this issue, how'd you go about dealing with it?
I can't imagine myself as a happy, functional human being if Im not better than everyone else or at least at an above average level.
>>16877725
i don't care that your idea of confidence is different from mine, just i hate this dumb shit of someone hyping up confidence. When, in reality, confidence is not caring too much of others opinions, likes its this Taoism type of shit. I doubt some hood rat who gets his dick wet alot is super deep and intelligent.
>>16877567
OP, this guy below hit the nail on the head
>>16877821
When you don't care what people think, you will be confident. Not because they'll definitely say yes or like you, but because it truly does not matter. If they call you ugly and you laugh and walk away, that's still confidence. Stop caring, OP. Care nothing for the opinions of strangers, because they don't matter. Then you will be confident.
>>16877821
>I doubt that some hood rat who gets his dick wet is very deep and intelligent
Obviously, any person with a brain can realize that they are societal failures. Getting a lot of girls to hook up with you isn't hard to do with the right attitude, mindset, experience, and moral bankruptcy. A lack of inhibition and sense of responsibility makes it easy.
Confidence is just about not caring about what people think of you or what you are doing, but people on this site have a tendency to take everything literally so a deeper explanation as well as more rhetoric is usually necessary or they will probably just end up doing something really stupid and then claim that everybody here is full of shit. There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance, and being a person who seeks meaningless hookups and are generally shortsighted fall into the latter category.
For some people, philosophy as well as psychology is necessary to achieve confidence by identifying defense mechanisms and overcoming them. Seeing a therapist did not work for me, I had to talk to a variety of other people and it still didn't really help me. If you become comfortable with working hard and make it a habit through self-discipline, then everything comes together naturally with time.
It's not just about not caring what other people think, because some people have morals and priorities, and completely ignoring everybody while acting like you've got it all figured out will ruin your life in other aspects. You may also feel as if your feelings are fake and disingenuous. For some people, it takes more experience, encouragement, effort, and introspection to become the kind of person that they really want to be. It did for me.
>>16877855
i suppose your right to an extent, some people ma take the "don't care" aspect to literal and just go out and do somthing dumb. But i still hate this DEEP way of looking at it. Lots of people are confident and they didn't go on a spiritual journey.
>>16877759
Just remember that everyone is insecure. Every single human being on this planet has something that makes them think "I'm not perfect"
I have one. You have one. I know a few insanely beautiful girls who are insecure about their minor flaws.
Even Cell was perfect and he lost to a kid.
>>16877935
It's different. I have strong traits of a narcissistic personality disorder and moderately high traits of psychopathy, so for me all this justification is necessary. I have tried seeing therapists about it, but to me it is obvious what they're trying to do and I'm afraid to change the way that I am, at least as far as the way my mind works, because I might go into another depression or go completely insane by doing so.
I try to be a good person, however. It's just hard to describe.
>>16877987
i get what you mean man, human brain is super complex and strange. I hope you manage to find a balance man.
>>16877567
>ITS A FUCKING GAMBLE! Gambles to me are never good. EVER. Sure you could cash out but on the flip side, you could LOSE.
Lose what exactly? What physical thing could you possibly lose
>>16877567
confidence is essentially just certainty based on previous results.
all that aside lets decide your logic
>its a fucking gamble
>sure you could cash out
>or you could lose
lose what? by your own account the worst a woman can do is 'verbally maim you' which essentially boils down to a girl turnign out to be a bitch, and therefore not worth dating anyways.
so ultimately you lose nothing but the time it took to ask her out. so why not ask her out? its like going to the doctor and finding out you might get a shot. the shot sucks, but ten seconds later its over. by tomorrow no one remembers or cares.
>>16877650
You shouldnt check every single point on this list obviously. As he stated in the first sentence: Confidence takes many forms. Some things on this list i struggle with, with other thing i dont. Sometimes i am 100% confident sometimes im 0% confident most of the times somewhere in the middle, but thats being human. I know that im not perfect, i know that i cant be 100% correct all the time and i know i make mistakes and aám unconfident sometimes.
>>16877705
What are you interested in? WHat do you think is interesting about other people?
What could help you, is trying the reverse approach. Try to find out what other people find interesting and why by talking to them. So you can actually see what other people think, and keeps them moving etc.
>>16877567
When you realize youre gonna die, you can;t please everyone, you only live once and you got nothing to lose.
>>16877567
Women are people and people have a lot in common re: how they want to be treated, so if you have reasonably high social intelligence you can be confident you'll know how to handle a social situation with women without upsetting them.
>>16877650
>95% of men aren't confident.
This is almost true, it's higher than that.
The difference between confidence and arrogance is that confidence can be backed up.
