Friendship
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
Hey /adv/ so about 2 weeks ago I told one of my close friends how I felt, as you could guess the feelings weren't mutual. So I said okay I want to take a small break from talking to you because it's kinda hard to get over someone when you talk to them throughout your whole day. I told her how I felt before any big feelings caught on because I didn't want to dig an emotional hole, that way if she said she didn't feel the same way (which is what happened) it wouldn't be hard for me to move on. So now I'm pretty much over her, and I tried to talk to her today and she said "chill not feeling it right now", she also doesn't look at me in school or anything. Shouldn't I be the one not wanting to talk and not even want to look at her? Shouldn't I be the one who's mad? Or am I being selfish for thinking that?
Please respond /adv/!!! We decided to keep it between us two so i want to keep my word, I need someone's input. :|
>>16876984
Treat her the same way.
She'll come crawling back.
>>16876984
she is making unecessary drama because she lost an beta orbiter, if you aren't an pussywhipped faggot then let her go, you did good by stoping talking to her, don't go back chasing her attention and make you look pathetic, if she want to talk to you she will have to be the one who contact you.
>>16876984
>>Shouldn't I be the one not wanting to talk and not even want to look at her? Shouldn't I be the one who's mad?
I can understand why you feel that you're the only one who's been hurt by this situation, after all, you're the one who had his feeling rejected. However, after you had your romantic feelig denied, you then denied her a friendship she perhaps valued. She might also have felt guilt and upset at hurting you. She might also not trust that you want the same things as her as part of your friendship, or that the same thing might happen again.
Unrequited feeling aren't as simple as the person being romantically rejected being the only person who gets hurt, or left confused and unsure.
Maybe you could try to talk to her to find out how she feels.
>>16877020
I'm not a beta, I don't want to lose a friend, I don't think this situation should constitute the loss of a friend...
>>16877025
I think you're right, thanks man I'll try and do that.
>>16877020
this right here OP. forget her, move on. if she wants to talk cool, but if she's playing mind games, be aware she probably will in the future. you're being mature, not selfish. take this from guys who have a lot of experience with women. sometimes women enjoy mind games like this. be the bigger man, move on and find someone new. if she wants to be your friend again, that's on her part, not yours.
>>16877027
>I'm not a beta
lol, yes you are, orbit a girl is the most common beta trait
>I don't want to lose a friend
She is not your friend, you want to put your dick on her and she doesn't want it to happen.
> I don't think this situation should constitute the loss of a friend
delusional faggot, move on.
Hey, OP. Your story hits home pretty hard, since I felt that way about my closest friend. Unlike you, I made the mistake of digging that emotional hole, and unlike you, I dug it pretty deep. Like, four years deep. I considered but ended up not taking a break from talking to her, because as really close friends, we're actually pretty damn dependent on each other. Not sure what the dynamic between you guys is exactly, but I can say you definitely made the right decision for your well being in taking a break. To explain her anger, I guess I could try putting it into perspective. Assuming it isn't just drama (again, don't know the details as you do) to her, you were likely a trusted friend, and as understandable as your request was, to her it likely felt unfair in that the whole deal was something she never asked for, and suddenly she has to (temporarily) let go of a bond. Don't get me wrong, OP. Not trying to imply you're at fault here. When it comes to this shit, if feelings are one-sided, this kind of stuff just inevitably seems to happen. It fucking sucks and it's often hard to tell whether anyone can be wrong or right. I hope things turn out for the best, but the right and wrong things to do at this point are kind of blurred. You could choose to be mad and confront her, you could apologize and try to be understanding, talk it out, etc. All I can say is, don't let this situation stay in limbo, OP. That's the one thing you don't want to do. Don't know how much this helps, and I won't pretend to be right, but best of luck.
>>16877032
i honestly doubt that post was a good advice. But i am curious about what she will reply (you're basically going to apologize to her for being straight about your feelings with her lol).
>>16877042
Thanks man, it does help. I'm going to talk to her Tomorrow.
>>16877052
What I got out of that post was that Its possible I'm not the only one hurt here. I'm not going to apologize, I said what I said and I meant it.
>>16877053
and here you go again, if any desperate beta orbiter is lurking this thread, please don't do this.
>>16877052
>you're basically going to apologize to her for being straight about your feelings with her lol
this right here OP. you dont need to apologize for shit. the more you keep acting like a beta to her, the more respect she's going to lose for you and the more she won't want to talk to you. you making things more awkward by trying to 'talk it over' is not going to help shit and you will feel even worse in the end. but if you don't believe us then go ahead and try. but remember what we said when it backfires.
>>16876984
BItches b cray. Don't forget it
>>16877066
doesn't matter, he will not listen to anybody here who doesn't give to him what he wants to read, he is for sure going to crawl back to her and she will know that he is not over her and the cycle will repeat again, she leading him with the friendship excuse and him dreaming of a future possibility of they getting together, only life will teach him the lesson.
>>16877066
So it's beta to want to know all the facts? Wouldn't it be more beta to sit there like a child and just assume things, I'm trying to be mature here if she doesn't want to be friends it's fine by me that's her decision I can deal with it I'm not going to cry over it. I'm not a person who likes to leave things to question.
>>16877053
No problem. There's probably no need for me to say this, but take the opinions of anyone talking about muh beta orbiters with a grain of salt. These idiots like to unironically simplify anything related to a non-ideal relationship down to being a beta. We aren't fucking wolves, so do whatever you feel you need to do. Whether it's making up or deciding it's best to cut that tie forever.
>>16877090
Idk if you read my first post but I asked her before any major feelings caught on, I wasn't in love, I wasn't thinking about her 24/7, I knew something was coming and I asked before the feelings got here. So I definitely will not go "crawling back", at this point it's just about friendship.
The anons using the term "beta" should be disregarded. They're boys masquerading as men, and they don't understand the subtleties of these situations. The posturing and acting macho is the result of their delicate egos that they're desperate to hide.
You had a friend, you wanted to be with her romantically but she didn't reciprocate those feelings. You told her you need to take a break from her. Now you feel youre ready to resume the friendship but she's not. There are a million reasons for this. Just be straight forward and ask her if she still wants to be friends, and how she feels about the situation.
>>16877096
dude stop being delusional, you were expecting her to miss you as you missed her, and now that you know that she doesn't give a fuck about you, you're not coping with it well, just let her go fucking beta faggot.
Thank you everyone for your input a lot of it helped, even you fags calling me a beta you made me smile and work on my argumentative Skills. Everyone have a nice day. /thread
>>16877063
Don't apologize. You have nothing to apologize for, trust me I know from experience. I had an orbiter for years and when he confessed I wasn't hurt, I was mad that he had not been straight forward earlier. You did the right thing and she's being dramatic so just leave it alone and move on.
>>16877130
good luck beta, hope you get your dick wet.
>>16876984
Best thing to do is not try to make a big deal out of this. People get feelings, that's normal. Your friendship will return when you take the time to let your feelings reach a friendship level. You don't owe her anything, and she doesn't owe you anything. When you feel over it, it's okay to let her know you don't feel that way anymore. But for now, let your emotions settle. Take some time apart, see if you miss her, see if you still value that friendship. The way I see it, you never had a friendship because you two never had equal power, she had power over you because you had emotions for her that she did not share. Let her go, and if she is truly your friend, you will be friends again. Otherwise, you have done yourself a great favor by getting these feelings on the table and clarifying things.
Why continue being friends?
>>16876984
You seem like you have a good sense of how to stay emotionally sound from what I've heard OP. Assuming you did nothing rash in response to her rejection she is being irrational. Give it time and she should she that the drama is on her side.
If you really are over her then I say it's fine to pursue a platonic relationship after giving her some space. Let her know you want to be there as a friend and if she gives you sass, move on she doesn't deserve your friendship.
