My girlfriend is the woman I've been looking for all my life. She's everything I could ever want, but she told me something that I'm having a hard time looking past.
She was my first, and she's had 4 before me. I'm cool with that, it was her past, she at least has said respect for herself and never did anything too stupid. But today she said she ran into her sisters ex boyfriend, and it was really awkward. She then went on to say that he was her friends with benefits for a couple months. She's always been totally open about her sexual past and I'm really cool with it, but her lying about this kinda hurt, especially when she just said a couple days ago how gross that sort of relationship is.
The more concerning part is how she went on to say that's only one thing, and that she's done some pretty gross things that she isn't proud of.
I'm personally having a hard time looking beyond it. I don't want to break up with her by any means but how do I get past this? I didn't say anything negative to her about it or insult her, I never would. I'm the type of person that is kinda disgusted by that stuff and think sex should be held with a bit more respect. I want to ask her about the 'other things' out of curiosity but at the same time I don't think I could stand to hear it without getting a taste of disgust in my mouth.
Pic sorta related, a little note she left in my car while I was at work one day
Why don't you just talk to her about it and why she didn't tell the truth. Anyway do you think she wants to know about all the wild fantasies you had for other women before you met her? Likewise i don't think you want to know about the stuff she did before she met you
>>16864136
I think it's extremely important at this point to explain to her that you are more upset about her kind of deceiving you by saying she thinks it's gross, when in reality she's done it before. She needs to know she can trust you rather than try to keep things from you. That is to ensure she doesn't do it again and so you can have a trusting relationship.
Make sure she knows you are more bothered by that than the actual things she's done, and also that she doesn't need to tell you about the specifics of the gross stuff. That can stay in the past.
Yeah, this feels off to me... you obviously don't totally trust her, which may or may not be justified but is an issue either way. If you think she's worth it, dig into this and satisfy your curiosity, and hope the relationship can survive if your suspicions prove wrong. There's no perfect answer to these kinds of issues.
>>16864162
She led him to believe one thing, when something different was true.
Of course he is going to have a problem with trust now...
Just close your eyes and imagine your girlfriends orgamic face while Chad is shoving kilometres of cock inside her
Just kidding man. Even though she may have been used as a cumrag in the past she is exclusively YOUR cumrag now!
>>16864140
>Why don't you just talk to her about it and why she didn't tell the truth
Yeah this is a big problem, especially considering how she felt like it was acceptable to "run into" someone she fucked and not blank him / act like he wasnt there.
I would bail desu, if she's lying to you about inconsequential shit like past hook-ups, she'll lie to you about current/future hook-ups.
>>16864136
you have two choices. Prepare yourself for other uncomfortable truths and learn to keep your mouth shut. Or, bail now. Either way it will hurt but the slow creep of revelations will destroy you little by little until you discover something so over the top you cannot take it anymore.
>>16864136
>My girlfriend is the woman I've been looking for all my life.
The search continues.
>>16864588
Totally this... She is not trustworthy and it will gotchya in the end.. If you love her that is!
>>16864590
top kek
>>16864136
Humans are sexual. Instincts often trump man made morals. She didn't her anyone. Who cares?
Saying it is gross does not mean she was being dishonest; she had experience with it and it didn't sit right with her.
People make choices and then react to them. If you want someone "pure" with no life experience, go for someone like that and see how it pans out. Don't hold it against her that she's done things she's not proud of, it's a sign of character to be able to admit it.
Watch Chasing Amy, or at least find the Silent Bob speech on YouTube. It's pretty much exactly what you're asking about
>>16864136
>She's always been totally open about her sexual past and I'm really cool with it, but her lying about this kinda hurt, especially when she just said a couple days ago how gross that sort of relationship is.
If she's lied about this she'll lie about other shit. And her numbers probably higher. She's untrustworthy. Dump her
>>16864728
Bullshit
>>16864738
>does not mean she was being dishonest
That's exactly what she is.
>>16864136
>My girlfriend is the woman I've been looking for all my life. She's everything I could ever want,
Think back to when you were younger, when you first started getting horny and masturbating. Think about all the fucked-up misguided fantasies you had, and how you wanted to fuck anything with tits that moved. Now imagine that it was actually possible and easy to act on these fantasies, that you lived in an alternate universe where girls and women all desire pubescent boys. You would've done some gross shit too.
As a young male, you haven't really had to deal with temptation like that yet. That'll come in your late 20's-30's-40's. That's when you'll actually have women regularly throwing themselves at you, when you've actually got your shit together but you're still young enough to fuck. That's when men do a whole bunch of "gross stuff they aren't proud of." Teens through mid-twenties are tougher for a lot of guys.
These kinds of threads are interesting to me. Why isn't the fact that she is with you now good enough, what's the past matter really?
>>16864860
The way a person has behaved in the past is a pretty good indication of how they'l behave in the future. What if you were dating a guy, and you found out that he was convicted of rape a few years ago? Would you trust him as much as a guy who'd never raped anyone?
As long as she is disease free, what she did before you is really none of your business. Grow up, and stop judging.
>>16864865
Not that person, but that's not the same thing. People grow and change all the time. It's a matter of balancing whether it's best for everyone that we forgive them and assume that they've repented, or if it's best for everyone that we don't. In the case of a rapist, the potential consequences of forgiving them and they haven't changed are greater than if we don't forgive them, so we don't.
It's up to OP to decide whether it's worth getting over it.
