What am I supposed to do? I am turning 22 in 3 days and I am trying to do something about my life. This past year I summoned the strength to try and lose weight. I was eating myself to death, post suicide attempts. I lost 160+ pounds in a year, the last 30 being on medication. Christmas 2014 to Summer of 2015 I pushed on without any aid from meds. I have MDD and this past August was diagnosed with Bipolar type II. My life has been pretty horrible, but I always diminish my problems. I have never told anyone about me. Not a single person knows how I feel.
The past five years I have been a recluse, trapped inside my room. Five years ago I dropped out of high school because my depression got so bad. Things were just crumbling. I feel like that was the break down the average person might expect. I had gone inpatient in October/November of 2011. Being out of school 2 weeks when I ways already behind, when I got back I was medicated (not for bipolar) but the optimism I had was crushed by the reality of my situation. I was gone but everything kept moving without me. I took a timeout but came back buried deeper. I eventually stopped taking my meds because I had made the decision to try and kill myself one last time. I injected air into my veins and just ended up embarrassed again.
Previously I had drank bleach, down the street cut, and tried drinking hydrogen peroxide which turns out can't kill you. Another embarrassment. I've had to get over my apathy alone and still struggle with it. There is so much to this story, I'd never expect to completely tell it. Not even my family,knows. My friends are clueless too. I would feel selfish asking someone to listen to me.
I haven't finished high school, I have never been employed. My arms are fucked, my body is fucked from being overweight, my mind is just somewhere.I am just rambling and talking in circles. I don't need a pep-talk, I need fucking answers because I am so stuck.
This is meant in the nicest possible way.
None of us on here are really qualified to answer your questions.
Without even knowing you, many of us care. Just a professional with initials after his or her name might be the better person to ask these things to. Maybe a call to the switchboard of your local psych hospital can get you in the right direction in finding a person to talk to?
Prayers for you dude...
>>16856654
This is true and accurate. OP I hope you have the resources to get professional help.
>>16856635
Start by finding something youre passionate about and work on it. Nothing helps clearing your mind than doing something you enjoy. So hiking, surfing, jogging, work on a car, build DIY projects, etc.
Youre only 23, which is a fucking child. You still got alot to do in your life, build a connection with your family, and work your way up. Do what you want to do.
>>16856635
I never graduated high school either, I'm moody and pretty unstable. I don't relate to other people, either. I managed to become a somewhat successful engineer through careful concealment of my history, and regular attempts at self improvement. It's fucked up, but there are avenues if you look, and constantly strive for improvement. It isn't easy, it's painful, you will fuck up, but it is there.
It was actually about your age that I started trying to change things.
>>16856635
I think the first thing is to finish your highschool education by getting a GED. Just that one step in education can qualify you for many jobs, like working at a store or something.
I think you already know this, but taking care of yourself physically plays a huge role in how you will feel mentally and emotionally. I can't tell if you're still trying to lose weight, but remember not to strain yourself too much because that just puts more cortisol in your system and you'll feel shittier. And remember to eat well, because poor nutrition can lead to mood problems. And find the right meds. The antidepressant I was on for years didn't do shit, and I didn't realize it wasn't doing shit until I took a step back and asked myself why i was on it at all. After trying different meds with a doctor that actually knew their shit and was willing to work with me, I've successfully been on a working antidepressant for four years.
tl;dr small steps at a time, man. GED and physical health first. Don't worry about employment and that shit until later.
