I swear I did NOT see one.
I don't want my life to be hard, I want it to be easy.
I guess I'm too spoiled or some shit.
I hate being afraid of everything.
I can't stop being afraid all the time.
How do I fix this shit?
Deep breathing techniques, meditation
I feel like when it comes to job searching, I'm addicted to the process and afraid of the result. I will apply to many positions, interview and occasionally follow up, but the rare time I get an offer I feel anxious and turn it down.
Why do I keep sabotaging myself?
I FUCKING DID IT!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!
Is it bad that the (ONLY) reason I don't want to kill myself is the off-chance my ex and I will get back together?
She's showed some signs of interest so this isn't some completely desperate delusion.
It was so lovely to see you. A dream come true, and I never expect my best dreams, or us to find each other like this, much as I wish. It's not just the novelty as it could have been, I want you so much, all of you
>>16847871
>I FUCKING DID IT!
Did what?
GF wants to split cause she feels im not supportive enough. Says she really loves me but as soon as she said we're messaged old fuckbuddy(she had feelings for but never admitted)... did she love me? should i try and talk to her? I feel like shit right now
It's a struggle
I swear it's you. And I'll do all I can
I feel like a shitty person because I find cheating to be hot and I've hooked up with a few girls who had long term boyfriends.
>>16847995
I can relate to that feel famm
I can't get her off my fucking mind. Every night when I go to sleep, I toss and turn thinking of her. When I fall asleep I have realistic dreams about her. I wake up in the middle of the night hoping I missed a call or text from her. I wake up the next morning hoping I'll finally hear from her at some point during the day.
I feel plagued. I feel cursed. I want her back. Or I want to get over her and get her off my mind. But I can't do either. I can't even find anything to keep myself occupied. What the fuck is wrong with me
![!=[ABSOLUTELY MOTHER FUCKING GODDAMN MAD!!!!!!]=!.gif](https://i.imgur.com/cGXQKoU.gif "!=[ABSOLUTELY MOTHER FUCKING GODDAMN MAD!!!!!!]=!.gif")
>Look for gf
>Fuck off!
>stop looking for one
>Get over here and fuck me already!
God, why did you create Causality?
Weren't Legos enough? Are you fucking kidding me here?
Yeah yeah, nature, etc and all that bullshit, but Causality?
Fuck you. Nobody likes that shit anymore.
Fuck Heaven I'd rather be in Earth for the rest of my life as an undead zombie.
FUCK!
>>16848003
How has it affected your relationship? Ever cheated before?
I have a stupid fucking crush on a guy and I'm too scared to do anything about it, because I got cheated on by my first and only boyfriend. It wasn't bad then because I wasn't that into him, and just breaking up and moving on was easy. Now I just keep thinking what if it happens again? This time it would probably break me. I never thought this would be an issue. I feel like a complete idiot because it's mostly an irrational fucking fear to have.
I've been depressed and slowly getting worse for seven years now. Recently, things have been getting steadily more and more difficult to manage. I've been checking these fucking things daily to hopefully confirm some of the thoughts I have. She knew I was sad and messaged me one day last year. I went out with her like three times, sperged each one because I thought she just needed a friend. She was sad too. I should have seen it in her eyes and the way she took the initiative to contact me for hanging out. But after I went to her house with one of her friends there, probably waiting for something to happen between us, she stopped responding to me. So, I have been dealing with this depression, and it's slowly slipped into me being on the verge of crazy. I've been hospitalized for attempted suicide, and recently for delusional thinking. You know, talking to voices in my head. They seem so real.
I used to want to make music. I used to get good grades without trying. When I was fifteen, I hung out with 25-year-olds like I was one of them. Something about being smart. But the depression made it so hard to continue that great path, and now it's hard to play guitar. I used to enjoy it so much. I'm not equipped to be an adult, and I'm going insane. I don't even care if I die anymore.
I'm so fucking stupid.
I was gonna ask her about lunch tomorrow, in the morning. But I ended up snatching at a stupid alternative suggestion today instead, which got a no. Now asking about lunch would be weird. Fuck.
Fuck fuck fucketty fuck fuck.
Nicely done, dumbass. This is why she doesn't want to spend time with you anymore - you reek of clumsy desperation.
>>16848047
I guess I wanted to know, if she isn't on here, does it ever get better? I'm only 18 and I feel dead on the inside. I feel like leaving and finding a new life somewhere else.
>Left shit job on new years to become full-time tattooist
>Good drawings/designs but no clients and no local studios need an apprentice
>Right now 700€ unpaid loans (keep getting debt collector calls)
>Every month -100€ credit payments
>Two months unpaid rent
>Only money is from gf (300€ a month)
>On the verge of not being able to buy food
>Possible chance to get job at a studio if I get my own clients (not happening)
>No foreseeable money in the near future
>Feel like an heroing
>>16847758
>Be me
>12 year old
>On roblox
>Playing 'Complex v.4'
>Roleplaying as a girl's brother
>cringe.jpg
>lets call her Anna
>Anna comes over to me
>Jumps on my character
>she licks my face
>"ur not a dog Anna"
>Anna pulls down both of our pants
>I gasp both on roblox and reallife
>she pulls down boxers
>dips down and suck imaginary dick
>after 5 min later
>we walk up to her room
>we're both completely naked
>she grabs my dick
>she pulls me ontop of her
>losingvirtualvirginity.gif
>she puts my computer dick in her bellybutton
>thisisnotsex.png
>Anna moans
>2 min later
>supposedly we 'finished'
>feelsgreatman.png
Continue?
>>16848124
Subscribed
Does it feel good to contribute to the deterioration of someones mindset for the sake of your own sexual pleasure?
>>16848115
That's what you get for having a job based around people paying you money to give them regrets.
Oh man this sucks big time... See there's this fella who works at a day center that I go to... he's about to be 50 in a few weeks and I have always been drawn to him -- even when I was with my ex but of course I never acted on it because A) He's staff and, B) I was with someone at the time. I love older men and strongly prefer them over my age. Well.. He calls everyone "Hun, Honey, Sweetie.." You know, like a southern belle would and in a way it messes with my head because I call him Hun, Honey, Sweetie right back ... But today I accidently said "Yes love" to him -- cringe.
He doesn't have a girl, but he could have been just saying that seeing as how it's none of my business or anyone else's but I'm not sure if there is a genuine 100% interest or if it's just because like I said, I've recently broken up with my gentleman or what. I'm not afraid to be lonely.. I'm not sure what it is. I want to get back in the saddle and not dwell - but I don't want to come off as inappropriate.. But I don't want to spend the next month or 2 crying over someone.
I don't know. Even if there was a chance, I doubt he'd be interested in me...
>>16848312
You have daddy issues right?
Also when was the last time you were molested/raped? Be honest.
I've always been fascinated by the minds of young girls attracted to guys more than twice their age.
>>16848316
Well to start, I'm 31 so it's not like I'm 20 and in a love obsession ordeal like some pre-adults do.
I was molested when I was maybe 10-11 by my babysitter and maybe even the guys she brought to the house behind Mom's back.
I could be wrong about my age though.
Fuck I told you I was happy for you and your boyfriend. But I just cant see you everyday in his arms its absolutely fucking killing my heart. You still treat me like a good friend but fuck I wanna die that I'll never hold you
How the fuck do people fool themselves into believing in anything?
Everyone just seems so constantly full of shit including myself. Is there anyone that's not full of shit out there?
>>16848328
>>16848328
I thought so. I've always been curious as to why sexual abuse at a young age often leads women to find much older guys attractive.
Sorry you were molested though, that fucking sucks. I suppose that's what happens when parents leave their kids with strangers.
Why do you think the guy isn't interested in you?
>>16848333
Sexual abuse makes sense as to why I'm drawn to older men.. I mean I know my Mother didn't intend for it to happen so I don't blame her at all. Thank you for your sympathy Anon. I'm trying to unearth it as my mind obviously is keeping it under wraps, but at the same time I really don't want to know as all it'll probably do is fuck me up big-time.
Well, for one he's staff at the day center, and as far as I know.. Staff and Members aren't allowed to meet and greet outside the doors of said place. Like, if I want to meet up with a staff, who is also a best friend, I have to say that I'm meeting up with her Mother - who is also a good friend - and just "happen" to run into said best friend.
I also have a shit self-image of myself. I don't know what his ex's were like.. what his type is.. if he has children my age.. You know, the kind of things that'll push him away. Plus, I don't know how to approach it without going over a boundary. ... Earlier today we were playing BINGO and he said he liked spinning the basket and I made a flirty/dirty joke saying that "You like to play with balls, huh?" he grinned and said, "Yes I do." then trailed off because Boss-lady was close by.
>>16848341
On a scale of 1-10 how important is this job to you? If it's not that important and you can afford to lose it, I say pursue it. If it's important and you need this job to stay off the streets, then don't risk it. My normal advice to people is to keep things professional and not hit on coworkers.
But like I said, if you like him and the job isn't terribly important, I say go for it. Wear something sexy (but not slutty) sometime to get his attention.
>>16848356
Well, it's not MY job.. I just volunteer and the worst they could do to me is kick me out for say, a month. Him on the other hand, I'd say the job importance is maybe 7 or 8. I don't want him to get in trouble, but am open to flirting as I do it already.. I'm just careful because I do not - as I said - want him to get in trouble.. I don't want ME to get in trouble really, and because if I'm not his type, It'll hurt.. but not kill me.
Why can't we be friends? Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with that? You're obsessed with a show that is called "friendship is magic" and teaches you all about friendship, but yet you see it as a dirty word and something that isn't good enough for you. The dreaded friend zone. If someone genuinely wants to be your friend, it means you failed, and they're not giving you your prize. If you can't stick your dick in them then talking to them was a waste of time. Everyone I meet is the same way. I literally have no friends, because the only people that will stoop low enough to speak to me are pathetic 4chan faggots who only want a girlfriend and think this way. I give up.
Just found out she has a boyfriend.
>>16848387
Have you just proposed exchanging numbers and getting to know each other outside of work? Nobody has to know necessarily.
Also any idea if he's married?
>>16848402
I have his number, but I do not call it outside if I need anything important. I haven't done any "Hey how U doin?" phone calls and that's why I feel it would be ... odd. I know no one has to know, because I know how to keep things like this under-wraps and I know he does too because he needs his job.
He is not married. He's been married and both were a flop. That's all I know right now.
I wish my almost 14 year old little sister wouldn't lounge around on my bed or pose doggystyle in front of me on the carpet while barely dressed and playing vidya.
I wish I could find a way to tell her that she's old enough now where this is incredibly awkward and distracting without it seeming like I'm noticing her sexually, and without hurting her absolute bond of comfort and trust with me.
I wish lose/lose situations didn't exist.
>>16848416
Well, might as well take the big first step. Give him a call or text him.
Also out of curiosity. How has being sexually abused impacted your sex life? Have you ever been "slutty" or have pathological problems with relationships (e.g cheating/lying) ? Are you more submissive/have rape fantasies? That's another thing I've noticed in people who were sexually abused at a young age. Their sexuality is pretty complicated.
>>16848388
Maybe your pussy is the only interesting thing about you
>>16848432
I could try that, just not sure WHEN though. He has a company phone so I may text that number when I get it - I don't want to blow up his personal cell esp if we're not close just yet.
It's made things interesting. Besides enjoying older men, even though I've only been sexually active with 1 (he was 42-43) I have been slutty, but mostly in chatrooms and Second Life; I am quite picky on who I fool around with physically as I tend to get attached quick and find myself heartbroken if it's just a fling and nothing more. I am a pathological liar, yes. That's what killed my previous relationship; at first I'd lie about how I was feeling because I did not want to burden him, but when I started flirting with someone via chatroom it went serious for like 10 minutes and I said I didn't do anything until it ate me alive.
That's another reason why I'm not wanting to peruse this gentleman.. I don't want to repeat the same mistakes again.
I have a bit of a rape fantasy. Choking and overpowering, mostly.
>>16848443
It is bad that I am attracted to women like that? I also had some childhood problems but I increasingly find myself completely dismissing girls who are interested in me that could be considered "good" or "pure" and I always pursue women who are slutty, bipolar/other mental issues, have rape fantasies, were abused, or cheat on their boyfriends/partners with me. I feel like a shitty person but I can't really help it.
My diet is slowly coming back on track. Breakfast is just cereal since it's easier to measure out and these last two weeks have been really awkward to get to the gym with volunteering and university.
I've even bought a box of protein bars with green tea extract to have for lunch for the meantime since I'll usually have something unhealthy between breakfast and my last meal of the day. I'll have to get around to planning something healthy but university is quite demanding at the moment so free-time is difficult to obtain at the moment.
Aside from that, I buckled and bought some Lego since I've wanted to build a little house since I was a child. Also bought a cheap watch from Amazon since it looked cool, it'll probably implode and spew acid over me but I'll be aesthetic whilst in pain.
The anon who was in the same situation as me regarding losing weight was pretty motivational since it's nice knowing that I'm not by myself here.
Thanks anon-bro.
I may be more fortunate than others, but for fucks sake, can something ever go smoothly in my fucking life? Things that may seem to have slim chances of happening happen to me on a fucking daily basis! Everything will go exactly the way I don't want it. Just got a disease and now I have to get two fucking operations, while sitting in a russian hospital with people older than me by a fucking decade. On a fucking side note, russian hospitals make up with russian commies in what they lack in internet and technology. I will have absolutely nothing to do for 10 days. I swear to fucking god (if there is one) that this shit happens every month at least 15 times. Feel like I am going to die
The only girl I've had a chance with in all my short 21 years of walking this earth just decided to stop seeing me because she has no idea what she wanted from our relationship. I really wanted it to work out, unfortunately the first relationships rarely are your last relationship. She was the first girl I've held hands with, kissed and I lost my virginity to her. The time I spent with her was only one short month, but in that month I was happy. Having something to look forward to after a long day at work, days not just being a number going by on the calendar. I'm sad to see her go, but after being with her for that short month, I learned that there are girls out there who actually want to be with me, and I just met the first of many. Back to bone crushing loneliness for me. At least for the time being.
I can't find my earbuds or my cell phone, but I'm not sure if it's because of memory loss from ECT (I had my first bilateral session yesterday) or if it's because I just happened to lose my shit.
I do sometimes lose things, but not usually my phone or my earbuds.
>>16848031
I'm about to drop startling information
>NOT ALL MEN ARE THE SAME
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
I completely changed my behavior.
I'm usually so socially awkward, so introverted and such.
Tuesday night was a party with only strangers. Only people I don't know and might never see again. I had a blast. I usually need moments alone to recharge but not that time. I even danced, and had great conversations with some people.
The strangest part is that girl I noticed, that I talked to right away, and made my interest clear. I got her contact and I was so clear and direct. I can tell she liked it even though she says she's romantically lost right now and isn't sure. I don't care. I'm drunk on my own strange behavior.
Maybe the fact that i'm moving in a few months is the reason. I don't care about things enough to worry. I basically don't give a shit and just go for it.
I'm loving it.
I've been cast away from the ones I love- and that hurt (a lot), whatever, I'll be past it soon.
Now I'm considering convincing one of two people I have unfinished business with to leave their families for me.
I'm pretty confident in either one, and reasonably confident they're both already considering it.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
Weeeeeee
This girl I had sex with at several times during cons and meetups confessed to me that she have had boyfriends during those encounters the last 3-4 years.
She regrets it alot and told me that she wanted to get married with her current boyfriend and needs to shut off all communications with me although she hasn't told him about me.
It kinda doesn't feel at all at times but some nights I wonder if I did something wrong?
I just fuck my coworker on the office bathroom and it felt good.
as my crush seems harder and harder to reach im realizing i have nothing else in my life to care about
My life has turned into an autistic Jason Statham movie because if I go an hour without being on the computer I want to kill myself.
Fucking help me
>>16848736
same here bro
same here
>>16848736
Run through a city getting your fix of internet by grabbing other peoples phones, staring through windows to see what people are watchin' on netflix, getting ahold of any screen that you can, walking into a receptionists area and turning the monitor to face you so you can see what they type - ALL WHILE LOOKING FOR A CURE.
Someone should make this.
Call it "Crank 3" and replace Jason Statham with Michael Cera.
im 18, but i still suck my thumb. and my boyfriend doesnt know i suck my thumb. :X
>>16848332
like what? religions? authority? news?
best thing is to become is a nihilist or find some of those jolly people :DDDD it's easy if you try
Every day for the last three weeks I've thought about how my life could have been different if I had just lived on campus instead of commuting.
I hate that I don't have any friends besides one from high school, his little brother, and the few people I know from them.
My friend's little brother is dating a girl that's literally the person of my dreams. She's very laid back, driven, intelligent, funny, and carefree. I just watched a video of her a mutual friend posted on Snapchat. She was making a little pillow with her boyfriend's face on it, which is extremely cute, and then was happily screaming out the window of the car and smiling as she was going down a back road.
I'll never find a girl like her because I chose saving money over my own happiness. What an awful mistake.
>>16848804
Just found out my friend is playing a concert tonight. Totally would have gone, but he hasn't mentioned it in like two weeks and it slipped my mind. All of our mutual friends are there besides me...
>>16847865
I've got the same issue, but now I have no time, money and limited options. Take what you can now and don't wait until your back is to the wall like I did.
>turn down temp job during winter break
>would have made bank but got cold feet (it was a very physical job)
>kicking self now since I wouldn't have money issues or at least not be stressed about bills
Anything is more glamorous than unemployment and counting pennies.
I have good friends and I'm fairly well liked, but the moment I alone, even for a bit, I feel so so lonely and miserable, sometimes even when I'm with them.
I'm well liked because I have fairly good social skills, I'm quite quick witted and I'm very self aware of how my actions are percieved by others, which sometimes becomes outright paranoia that others are talking about me behind my back or don't like me. And it's not like its a paranoia that gives me the sort of anxiety that would then make me act extremely awkwardly, on the contrary I'm very good at realizing when I might potentially be annoying friends and changing my behaviour if it doesn't detriment me, which is one reason why I'm liked. But I still feel miserable on the inside about it.
I'd like to tell my friends that sometimes, I don't feel ok and that in the past I've been very unhappy (they are university friends, and I am far far happier than I ever was at university but I still fear slipping back into the unhappiness that characterised 15 -17 year old me.). But I'm worried they'll think I'm a fuckup if I do, and the absolute last thing I want is their pity however well meaning.
My backup fuckbuddy just texted me that he's going to try to work it out with his wife.
I hate my fucking life.
>>16848456
I'm... not sure Anon. It sounds like you want to rescue these women? I could be wrong, for all I know you probably just enjoy the chaos that we bring to the table.
>>16848011
Oh yeah definitely, not the same relationship, but the woman I wanted to actually be with, did end up cheating on me. Not just that woman in particular but evenmoreso over a few relationships after that. Never cheated or allowed someone to cheat with me after that.
>>16849142
Well what the fuck did you expect? Stop treating yourself like trash and start demanding more serious relationships. Choose one or the other. Don't choose one then bitch that you didn't get the second.
>>16847871
Congrats, anon! On whatever it is.
I have a test tomorrow worth 10% of my grade in a hard class, but I'm almost unconscious from staying up late studying for other classes this past week. It's only 10% and I think I can probably get half the questions right if I just go to bed in an hour (8:30PM) and I need sleep to finish an assignment/turn another thing in by Sunday midnight.
I'm freaking out and my confusion is making me do nothing. WHAT DO I DO, ANONS?
There's 2 girls in my college class, who are really fucking different in almost every way i can think of.
I want to protect them, and at times i only want to help them in any way i can to satisfy my small hero complex.
Yet i don't feel romantically attracted to any of them, but some relatively close friends think otherwise, and i don't know how to prove them wrong.
I don't want any of them as gf's, i'd rather they stay as my protegees and be happy with their own lives, and if i can help that happen, i'll be happy as well.
I know that this sounds pretty fucking beta, and at times i imagine myself as a goddamn butler of them, but still, i just wanted to tell this to someone.
Oh well.
I hate those J-list ads.
Today I realized that I am that gross stereotype of a girl who has feelings for her professor. And this only happened after my friend pointed out that he has been flirting with me ever since we met last semester, before he was one of my teachers. But now I'm in one of his classes, and he should have cut that shit out but hasn't.
Am I really so pathetic that I'm only developing feelings for someone just because they're flirting with me? Like someone throws me some scraps and I go for it? What the fuck is wrong with me?
He's 7 years older than me, which isn't the problem, but obviously has to be a creep if he's trying to make moves on one of his students (I'm 26). Now I feel gross and don't know what to do to make myself feel less gross. He's not even remotely attractive, physically. Has a great personality and makes clever jokes, but when I think "maybe I'm just horny and that's causing these feelings", I try imagining myself fucking him and it's just so repulsive I can't think about it for more than a split second. Maybe I'm just punishing myself. I used to pull out my hair or bite my arm when stressed to make myself feel pain as punishment, so am I developing feelings for someone wrong as a new form of masochism?
It's so obvious he gives me special treatment because we have the same dumb sense of humor. I wonder what I'd do if he wasn't my professor. Around June I'll be out of his class. I'm a virgin who has only been in two relationships, neither particularly healthy. I lost about 20 pounds and started dressing better last year, and friends say I look better than ever, but I still see myself as a a pathetic, unaccomplished loser with a weird-looking face.
WHY DOES THIS FORM LOOK SO JANKY?!
IT DOESN'T EVEN HAVE THE BANK'S COLORS ON IT. whatever man, trusting you. I just need this to work. this is the last piece. this is the last thing that is killing me with stress.
I just need this to work. its gotta work. I've spent too much time on this. 10+ years building the skills, 5+ years planning how I'd do it all, 2 years building the foundations so I could get it moving, 2 sleepless weeks trying to set it all up quickly so I'm not in this REALLY expensive business limbo where I have the name but can't really get into operating like a real business.
it will be paid in the first year. please just ok it. if i can't make that back in the first year its a really big sign that its a terrible idea, but I'm already getting business so just approve it for the love of whatever you hold dear.
>>16849226
>>Am I really so pathetic that I'm only developing feelings for someone just because they're flirting with me? Like someone throws me some scraps and I go for it? What the fuck is wrong with me?
You're being ashamed of a perfectly human reaction; there's nothing wrong with developing feelings when someone demonstrates a fondness for you.
Don't let the age bother you too much, it matters less than you think.
Hope you manage to figure out yourself, internally.
FUCK OFF FLU, I AIN'T GOT TIME FOR THIS SHIT AND I DON'T NEED ANY MORE STRESSORS RIGHT NOW. I NEED TO GET SHIT DONE AND ID RATHER NOT PUSH MYSELF TO THE POINT OF BEING IN THE FUCKING HOSPITAL. I'LL FUCKING DO IT THOUGH. I'LL KEEP GOING WITH A 100 DEGREE FEVER AND END UP WITH PNEUMONIA. WOULDN'T BE THE FUCKING FIRST TIME.
FUCKING SHIT IN MY GODDAMN WAY THIS WEEK.
>>16849254
>WOULDN'T BE THE FUCKING FIRST TIME.
Most people learn from their mistakes, in this manner.
You should consider following suit.
>>16849233
Thank you, anon. Things have been rough recently. I feel like a constant work in progress but I suppose I should should give myself some credit for making any progress at all.
>>16849268
You sound like a really driven person, yeah.
Just... Slow the fuck down occasionally, okay? Promise me, an anonymous stranger, because it's so meaningless it's really making a promise to yourself.
I just feel silly for thinking someone would have any kind of thing for me over others.
It's 4am
I have an important day tomorrow and I can't sleep
I'm mad at my gf for something she posted on twitter about how she thinks something is attractive that I clearly don't do and was freaking about over it with her friend
That's probably what's keeping me up
I messaged her with a screenshot of it saying how I'm fucking angry at her but she hasn't replied because she's asleep
She is supposed to be staying round my house tomorrow but im probably going to ignore her
I'm dumb
>>16849280
Yeah, I guess I am pretty driven. I manage to commute to college classes 50 miles away 4 days a week on top of working my current job part-time because I want to finish my degree. I feel like I have so much to make up for, not being graduated yet, being this age, but I had to take time off to deal with family shit, and that sense of embarrassment eats at me a lot.
I'm going to try and chill out on Saturday. I need more sleep. Thanks for the kindness, anon.
>>16849176
My "serious relationship" of 13 years is ending in divorce. Not because of cheating. This is new for me. Obviously not going well.
>>16849332
>not because of cheating
Well it's probably because of cheating or an open relationship where one person hurts more than the other in that situations.
I suck at sex. getting it up lasting long enough the hold deal. FML !
>>16849341
No. We were in love for a long time. Two kids. But after the second my husband betrayed me and checked out. And FUCK NO I didn't get fat stayed a fucking size 4 just to please him.
>>16849262
nah, gotta get shit done. gotta make rent. being poor is a bitch.
flu needs to fuck off.
>>16849370
>>16849370
Hope you don't manage to hospitalize yourself and miss a shitload of work, then - when you make $8/hr, you really need each of those hours.
That would be unfortunate.
Which means you're just tempting the universe right now man, think about it eh?
weeew lads just had a goddamn panic attack for the first time in months because someone said i raped them
there is a very real chance that my life is going to end soon and i don't know what to do
I'm so angry I allowed myself to become vulnerable so quickly with you. I'm so fucking angry. Your words dug into my head so easily. I learned a hard lesson about trusting actions over words in the past, yet for some reason I allowed you to bypass that. You are nothing but empty words coupled with disappointment. You've added to my misanthropic mindset. I don't understand. It hurts so much honestly and I don't understand. You truly are self-centered. Unless I wasn't physically able to, I always told you yes and did what you asked. I certainly never lied to you. You have done the opposite.
I always try to be the one with the big heart. The one who listens and tries to help if possible. I know what it's like to be at a rock bottom depression and the tiniest amount of compassion would help me through the day. On most days, I still need that tiny bit of compassion. I'm falling back into that type of depression again and I don't want others to feel that way.
Albeit, I am currently trying to make myself the number one priority. I have had a hard time with that in the past.
>I wish I knew what it was about me that must hold a big sign that says "I hold no value, so treat me as such".
>>16849254
Flu is hitting hard was just out for 2 days myself, just suck it up, sucks not having sick time but that's life, working hard builds character and you are not what you own.
>>16847758
I don't want to date or marry, but every night I beat myself up mentally for being lonely. It fucking sucks
>>16849409
Don't allow yourself to fall to where I am. Make yourself your priority and stick to it. Help others and all, but put yourself first for a while. Just try not to fall any lower, or you may come to loathe yourself
>>16849409
I could have written that myself. I'm sorry things are bad, anon. I don't know if it means much, or anything, but I know how you feel and I'm trying to make myself my top priority and you know what? This week I've done alright. I hope you can make that happen too.
>>16849435
>Make yourself your priority and stick to it.
I'm trying. I'm trying because I'm realizing no one is going to put me first like I do for others. No one.
>>16849446
>This week I've done alright.
Any tips to keep me on track?
>>16849448
Exactly. That's why you just need to keep trying and not let yourself go back on it. Just keep trying, keep trying, keep trying. Just keep on. Everyone else has had their time to be helped by you, now it's your time to help yourself. Don't hesitate, no one should think any different of you for doing it. They've had their time in the spotlight, it's your time to tend to yourself. For now, just keep trying
I really want to kill myself. my life is one big fuck up and it never gets any better. I hope i've helped some ppl along the way. It's not worth it any more. i think i'm going to o.d .on some oxy cotton . Just slip into a never ending sleep. This might actually be it for me. i'll miss the music, but that's about it. Maybe the plants too i like plants
>>16848435
It's not.
>>16849487
I'll refer to this post as a daily reminder. Thank you, anon.
So close to saying fuckit and drinking a bottle of bleach. Past few days are practically the final straw of bullshit. Can't trust anyone in my life.
ive being in a relationship for almost 4 months is not my first gf at all ive spent 2 years whit my ex girldfriend
Well the thing is that we ve being fightinf for the last 3 weeks and right now i fell nothing for her, but i think that i should not break up whit her since we have being togheter for 4 months
i dont want to break her heart, i dont wanna lose her
>>16849514
What, are you trying to prove you're some sort of Alpha?
Loads of ways to kill yourself with less suffering.
>>16847758
I hate myself. I have zero social skills and failing public speaking is going to keep me from graduating with honors and going to a good medical school.
>>16849499
Spend a few months learning survival skills and go live in the woods instead.
Just let go of it all.
I love you, you fucking idiot. You don't even deserve my love after all the shit you put me through. But I still whisper your name when I cum.
I love you. But you don't care. Im nothing more than a speck of dust in your universe but it mine youre the sun and all the stars. And as for you, yeah you, you dont know it yet but i love you too and will continue even after we have gone our seperate ways.
>>16849520
Just seems like an effective no turning back way out. I've had ropes break and ambulances called already
Bitcccch y u such a fuccboi. Like answer my fucking questions don't lead me on.
Also where the fuck was that junior today. It's like legit the only reason I even bother to look good on Thursdays. Fuuuuck everything. Thirst is real.
>>16847758
>I can't sleep anymore
>Start taking pills to help me sleep
>2 years later pills no longer do anything
>get shit-tier sleep for 2 more years
>hate going to classes. 2 semesters left
>my degree will be meaningless
>wake up tired, go through day tired
>go to bed, guess what
>can't sleep
>tired of being tired
>tired of complaining of tired of being tired
>no one appreciates my company
>Idk if it's pride, sadness, or stubbornness that won't let me swallow a cabinet of pills
I'm not sure of exactly what triggered it, but I just had an avalanche recall of repressed memories.
It's some fucked up shit, but it'll really help me tackle those memories and start to improve my life. I've been living with dissociation my whole life and this is a huge breakthrough.
I'm pretty glad, but I can't talk about with real life friends, so here I am.
>>16847758
Cuando te hallas desolado
no hay un motivo complicado
un juguetero te ha creado
en una bola de cristal
Y no importa como la tuerza
hay que conservar la fuerza
no dejaremos que nos venza
¡mientras podamos cantar!
I will never be a girl. I wish I could just stop trying and be a recluse so I could kill myself, but I've always been raised that that's the coward's way out, and I'm not a coward even if I'm cowardly.
I wish I could talk to people. I wish I had someone who loved me for me, not some false face I put on for endless small talk. I have an endless list of people I'd call "friends," but they don't talk to me. Waves in the hallway, nods as I pass them by. One friend I feel comfortable around, and I can never be alone with her so I could just talk. Really talk. Not this stream of short texts every day that have slowly become a trickle, maybe talking to them really twice a week, on a good week. I want to get over myself, get over this mountain of a molehill in my life and move on with being productive, but nothing seems important anymore. I can't let this crush me.
I just wish he'd get out of my head or back into my life.
I feel like such an asshole.
>>16849452
This is going to sound like such bullshit, but it's a dumb trick my uncle suggested to me because he's into all this "life coach" crap.
>Write down the things you did to day. Don't describe "how" you did them (no words like "effectively, poorly, well, badly, decently," etc) and don't write down the things you DIDN'T do or the things you prepared for. Only the things you did. All the things. Even brushing your teeth.
short example: Today, I woke up at 5 in the morning so I could get to my 8 AM class. After that class, I went to office hours, made some people laugh, went to next class, studied with someone, went home early, ran into someone I know and caught up, surprisingly held my own in conversation, ate fresh bread for dinner.
>Every day, or at least every time you feel like shit, write down five things you did right. Things you're proud of. Even dumb shit.
retarded examples:
- I explained a concept to a fellow student who had no idea wtf was going on and she was thankful. I helped someone today.
- I was kind to the barista who made my coffee even though I felt like I was going to pass out from exhaustion.
- I didn't tell those people on the stairs to gtfo and instead walked around them even though they shouldn't have been there.
This is all lame, I know, but sometimes when I feel incredibly shitty, putting things into descriptions as if I'm describing a life or events that are not my own allows me to see them differently and it's easier to compliment someone else's successes. It's like a weird 3rd person trick.
Also, general tip: gets enough sleep.
For over ten years now, I've had dreams about being molested. They're still happening, and I'm tired of it. But things have gradually changed in the dream. I'm scared my subconscious is preparing to unearth some repressed memory of me being molested.
I want to cut out your lying and manipulative tongue. I want to see you beaten and bleeding in a muddy ditch. I want your last moments to be filled with nothing but pain and regret with the realization that you had no true friends. I know how edgy this sounds but I've never experienced actual hate toward another person until today.
You've made me lose friends and now our family looks at me like an animal due to the lies you've spun. Clever lies. Lies you've planned out. Your manipulation has shifted the tables and now you're a golden, 'victim' child while I'm less than dirt. Hell, leftovers from dinner tonight were thrown to the dog before I got home. I'm less than a dog now because of you. I walk to my room with people whispering or nasty glares.
I can only hope your lies cause your world to crumble apart slowly and painfully. I'm not the first you've fucked over in this way. I want you to feel the pain and anger of every man and woman you've wronged.
>>16849150
No, not even "rescue" them I think I just enjoy the chaos. I don't really pursue relationships or anything truthfully but if I'm looking for an fwb or even just a girl to hang out with, I would so much rather have a woman who is "crazy" in that sense than even a guy I have something in common with. Maybe I'm just a shitty person, my best friend is dog fyi.
Thanks for letting me vent though. I'm probably not going to come back to the thread cause not much time in my life but good luck to you. Let me know how things turn out in the future.
[email protected]
>>16849532
Oof. Right there in the feely bits.
>tfw going to be 23 yo kissless virgin in few weeks
I'm good looking (I know some of you wont believe me, whatever) but I have social anxiety and borderline aspergers. Knowing about the potential I would have had with girls if I was just a little more outgoing and charismatic just tears me up inside.
>>16849842
Hey friend. Same here.
>tfw going to be 25 year old kissless virgin in about a month
The thing is, I'm not even as aspie. I'm outgoing and social and have friends and shit. When I have feelings for someone I run the fuck away because I got emotionally destroyed by the person I was in love with as a 17 year old. He knew I loved him and manipulated me and I never really got over that fear of being hurt again.
My age and the kissless virgin bit didn't bother me until this year. Now my friends are getting married and all that normie bullshit and I'm starting to freak out like the clock is ticking.
I met someone I have strong feelings for but he's emotionally unavailable and I doubt he'd settle for me anyway. He's one of those overachiever types who everything has had come easy.
You get left to your own devices for months, and still numerous times needed to try to get my attention. Whatever, I dismissed it, I had and have my own things to focus on and held no hostility towards you as long as we went our separate ways.
So now, this month, it's like you felt the need to really stand out. No, not in a good way. You and your friends went out of your ways to stand out, make sure there was no confusion and be as annoying as you could. You had to bring over your special breed of drama to somewhere it had no place and just keep sparking the fire instead of doing your own things. Even now, when a topic dies off for a bit you guys spark it back up, while making sure no one has forgotten it's you guys around again.
Just because there is now something in common despite the months where we had nothing in common does not mean I want your fucking trippy behaviour in my life. If you weren't acting like a kid in a playground full of them, it would be fine. But you go out of your way to get a negative reaction, and so do your friends.
I have no interests in playgrounds, if I did I'd be with my nieces and nephews right now playing with them in one. You are an adult, don't act like such a child. If you are suddenly offended because I'm calling you a child, then the solution is equally simple. If you don't want to change your attitude and behaviour, then don't but go about your life and business. If you do change that, then I would not bear hostility towards you. I held you in a better opinion having heard you got a job and started improving yourself, associating with your friends more and generally smiling. You shot that opinion down when you started acting like this again
>>16849853
My kissless virginity also didn't bother me much until recently when I met this one girl who lit a fire inside me. Needless to say, I acted to awkward and needy and ended up pushing her away. But ever since then, the desire to get some success with the opposite sex has been eating me alive. Whereas before I was just like "It will happen when it happens. I'll just focus on other things for now"
>>16848286
Yes, it's what cures my depression
I am hostile towards affection because I have doubt in the affectors constitution in that belief that compels them to show me affection, and that makes me not want to be comfortable with said affection.
>>16849977
I love you.
>>16847758
I hope she stays with me.
I should probably smoke less pot.
Scared shitless of how much more I've got to do for my degree.
>>16849977
why can't you just enjoy it for what it is, double dubs?
Firstly, cuddling and hugging is great. Enjoying the warmth, intimacy, and care from someone is a moment that's universally treasured. The only person who can feign affection is someone who is compelled to do it by circumstance. And it tends to be very noticeable by anyone who can read a mote of body language. I know this because I'm married. I know what feigned affection looks like and how it differs from real affection.
Secondly, everything in life is fleeting. Nothing's permanent. You don't NOT enjoy an ice cream because that ice cream will eventually become consumed. You just go to town on that soft, cold, creamy sweetness with that thin chocolate layer that has that smooth crackle. You think it's too cold at first but this is something worth trudging ahead for. Like a soldier parched and wracked by the blazing sun just yards from a plum grove.
Or you don't not get that ice cream from that artisan, the one with the perfectly made sugar waffle cones and the 80 types of ice cream. It costs 7 bucks for a scoop and it will most obviously end up like everything else you've eaten, but goddamit, you get it anyway because that moment is bliss.
I want to go get an ice cream in the summer and cuddle someone. That would be a perfect day.
>>16849977
But I think you're really neat and I want to cuddle you (and put my dick in you). I can't help that I'm such a physical, touchy feely person.
Sorry for making you uncomfortable though. If you want me to leave you alone it would be painful for me, but I would do it.
If love is about insulting your partner and telling them how useless they are, I don't know if you should even say I love you to someone after that. Also you told me you wouldn't care if I killed myself, wasn't my plan, but thanks for telling me. You justify hurting and threatening me by saying you do this to protect me. My picture becomes so clear now and I wish I rejected you when we first met, I was just too blind to see the signs.
>be 20 yo virgin
>finally find gf
>actually really like her
>skype and message constantly
>into dank memes and the vidya
>fuckyes.bmp
>long distance
>does a few week long visits
>dated for 7 months
>fool around with a female for the first time ever on her visits
>literally love each other
>"so this is what this is like"
>start job
>start school
>grandma gets alzheimers
>winter depression and anxiety
>find out my mom and I are moving in with her bf
>literally bitter all the time
>tell her i wont be any good to her
>tells me she loves me and she would do anything for me, practically begs for me to not leave
>tell her i refuse to drag her into my shitty life dealing with shitty bitter me, her having enough shit going on of her own at home, she didnt need mine
>fast forward a month
>we still havent talked
I miss her and with the circumstances on both sides it straight up couldnt work anyways. I have never given a shit about any girl the way i did her. we were perfect, open about literally everything with each other, we could make each other laugh at the drop of a dime, and we were able to be blunt as fuck with each other and love each other for our flaws.
I wanted things to end civil as opposed to over an argument or straight up neglect. All I have to do is message her to resume a friendship, but it hurts knowing how badly I hurt her, and how much I wish things were different.
I'm sure it sounds stupid. but it was the realest thing I have felt in at least decade.
I promised not to put my happiness in another person's hands. and fucking hell it happened anyways.
>>16849977
That's fair. ppl are dicks. As long as you don't hate affection itself. Much love to you and all the best. :)
>>16849531
Thanks for caring
I love someone.
Not, like, romantically. I just genuinely love someone that I've grown close to over the past few months. We have a lot in common, they seem to really like doing things with me, and I... just haven't had friends in SO LONG that I feel like I love this person and am afraid of losing them, I guess.
Especially since we're both guys, I feel like there's this gay connotation that is attached to the relationship. Honestly, I'm not romantically interested in this guy at all. Needless to say, physically, I'm not either. Just emotionally... I really like this person. I want them to know.
How do I even do that without seeming weird, or gay, or clingy, or whatever?
I've considered just slipping it in to normal conversation, like "Alright man, see ya later. Love ya, drive safe"
Is that weird?
Why do I feel so weird about this?
>>16849518
you are not alone, anon
I'm emotionally dying. Each day I get a little colder and a little more focused on everything but feeling happy and healthy. On one hand it has been liberating to finally be able to do as much as I am in life, on the other the victory tastes sour. I can trace it. It began with being lovelorn and then with each passing day the world lost a little bit of its color and impact. I'm pretty sure that the feelings of loneliness and desire of self betterment are going to fade away too.
>>16849575
Me gusta
Fuck, I forgot to print it.
All right, I guess this is our end then. What you didn't want to happen happened. Hope you're happy and whatever, keep ok being you. Goodbye good friend, i love you.
I am failing at school badly
Mathematics
Paid for instructions but no matter what i do the moment i sit down to write a test i forget everything
And im not even nervous, i just dont know
Dont know how you say it in english but i had a 3 year car mechanic school, and completed that, now i am going plus 2 year program that is advanced for CNC machines and so
>>16850185
love you BRO
and if you want add, "no homo"
there.
done and done.
I know it sounds corny but I seriously think I've lost the ability to love someone, or never even had it in the first place.
I just want someone I can know in completion, love, trust and we can live our own little happy (slightly) introverted lives together. But I've never met anyone even close to this. Never really committing to any sort of relationship probably pays a big part in this but I literally have a fucking stupid reason why things kind of have to stay like this for at least the next three years.
I don't know if I can actually go another three fucking years without having any sort of relationship that even gives me a slither, a taste of what I'm looking for.
Fuck I'm lonely I just want someone to love me and for me to love them back.
I know this is probably fairy tale shit I'm talking about but I've never really had anyone ever who's cared for me in this sort of a way. And I'm a man and all but I'm not scared to admit that I just want a woman that I can be close to in every sense of the word.
I want the anxiety and depression to fuck off already
Why are you ignoring me? I put everything I had into our relationship. I understand that you want it to be over, but give me some fucking closure. Throw me a fucking bone. I know you're awake. I know you had plenty of time to reply last night.
I know you have your life and immediate problems to worry about but you know me. This is torture.
I don't know if you aren't replying because you're trying to distance yourself after we broke up.
I don't know if you aren't replying because you think I'm a psycho for blowing up your phone during my anxiety attack.
I don't know what the hell you want from me but this is literally torture. I'm losing so much sleep over this and all I want is closure. Is two years of being with me not enough to give me that much?
>>16848005
initials?
>>16850058
Get out. Get away. This moment of clarity? This spark? Make sure it ignites so the picture stays clear tomorrow and every day after that. You are the stronger one. Remember that. Make proper use of it. Now that your eyes are open, keep them that way.
>>16850015
initials
Sometimes when I'm out of sight but others may be within earshot, and I chuckle to myself at something, I worry that it sounds like crying without visuals/context, so I force a slightly stronger, more blatant chuckle directly after because I don't want anyone getting ideas.
>>16850027
It is true that life is short and precious and goes down easiest if it is taken moment by moment, which is exactly why I don't have time or focus for trying black liquorice ice cream because I already know how much I hate black liquorice and being stabbed in the back by someone i had to work really hard to trust in the first place. I'm not trying to demonstrate hostility but I do feel the ice cream analagy is something one of my methhead paitents would say during admission while they are still spun like hell and cuffed to the bed.
>>16850167
This is a fair and acurrate analysis for why this behavior of mine torments me so.
>>16850602
Yes! Hold onto your anger! It's neither depression nor anxiety and it will lead the way back to the full spectrum of human feeling! Get mad and beat the piss outta that mental illness!
>>16850606
Initials?
I wish I had never met you last year.
>>16850776
I wish I never met you, either
>>16850185
>I feel like there's this gay connotation that is attached to the relationship.
thanks feminism
what you're feeling is called comraderie and only men can feel it. you think it's gay because you got deep dicked by cummunist faggots
but dont tell him you love him unless its important. dropping the l word into regular conversation is fucking gay as hell
>>16850822
You don't realize that yet.
>>16847880
The only reason I haven't killed myself is because it would make my best friend cry and I don't want to hurt her
I'm afraid you don't love me anymore, or are falling out of love fast.
I know I left you, but I still miss you, I want our relationship to work but we both know how broken it has become.
I just hoped that you'd hold on for a while until we can get our heads on straight and resolve all our issues.
We've both made mistakes, clearly I have more so, but just don't give up on me yet. Just hold on to what we had a little while longer, I'm not ready to let go...
Broke up with my ex after 5 years, moved back home in South Florida, past 2 months surviving off savings, moving back in with my mother and brother sleeping on a sleeping bag. The realization that a few months ago i was living in my own apartment to my name, a good job and a wonderful love life, all of it down the drain so fast. Now im broken, miserable, and cant seem to find the motivation to get back up.
It feels surreal that I'm finally able to be free from this relationship. Tonight I will sleep in my own bed, back at the comfort of my parents house. Four years of my life have been wasted with hardly anything to show for it. The only lesson learned is to avoid making drunk mistakes.
I hate myself and my life. Sometimes I can't wait to die. I can't find my passion in life, and everything seems so boring and pointless. I'm annoyed by everybody that I know, and I can hardly stand some of the people that pretend to be friends with me. I feel like I'm wasting my precious time and limited existence on video games. My biggest fear is growing old and having no fond memories, and it feels like I'm headed that way. I'm a piece of shit, and it's not hard to fucking tell.
>>16849842
>>16849853
28 yo kv.
I dated before, but it never turns into a relationship. I find flaws, and cut things even before they begin to blossom. I see it's a pattern of behavior, but I don't understand why I keep repeating it, or even why I started it. Now my friends too are either married or on a stable relationship, and I'm here, the pariah.
No, M, the reasons I set out not that long ago didn't change, in fact you proved me right time and time again so they have little reason to. I'm not going to associate with you when the time comes about, you and the ex you live with can do everything together and you can trust him with everything again. I'm not going to entertain anything, I'll keep to myself.
I wrote a while ago that a decision you made in January was permanent and I wouldn't let you revert it. You and he can now focus on yourselves, I'm not an option and I never will be again.
I'm ready to have my appetite back. Forcing myself to eat, even if it's small amounts - is making me physically sick... Damn, I may get to drop some weight now.
>>16848392
I know that I am broken, a shell of the person I was once supposed to be.
I know that I am a disappointment to those who know me, a failure, a painful recurring memory.
I know that I should probably stop fighting, that I should surrender and make everyone feel the relief.
But, I can't help but cling to some measure of hope, however minuscule, that I can be like everyone else eventually, even if I'm merely lying to myself.
I want to feel love, I want to run until my legs give out. I want to cry in someone's loving arms, I want to laugh until I cry.
I just want to live, even if everything tells me I shouldn't. Is that so much to ask for...?
>>16851848
I believe in you,anon. Fight for your life
>>16851018
Initials?
>>16851848
Initials?
I love animals. And life. And stuff.
One woman I know is delighted by everything. A beetle is on her leg, she recognises it and encourages it onto her finger to study it up close. A moth flies towards her while we're sitting together talking, she is momentarily distracted and interacts playfully with it. She keeps a tarantula in her house.
Another woman I know is disgusted by insects, even butterflies are despised. If a moth flies towards her she freaks out and demands that I kill it. Capturing it safely and taking it away is not enough, the moth must die. She keeps several cans of spray insecticide in her house, dotted around the various rooms.
One woman is my wife. I'll give you three guesses which one. And then three more guesses as to how I feel about that.
>>16852094
That's fucking dreadful.
>>16851872
Thank you, your support means a lot.
>>16851992
S. z.
Escaped NEETdom after 2 1/2 years in about 6 weeks this year. What now? You've only so much time to do what you want in life. But what do I want?
>>16852147
College or work? What do you do specifically?
I'm in a similar situation and it's fucking killing me. I don't want to end up in a circle of some of the same shit I loathe doing.
>>16852196
Warehouse Operative, days&nights. The work is ok, I just know I don't want to end up stuck with this kind of work in the long term, my brother has been in retail for around 6 years and has never had a promotion, has no aspirations (that I know of) so it seems sad to me. If I'm not going to pursue something there wasn't much point giving up the NEETlyfe to start with.
Maybe University after 6 months to a year of saving monies, don't know what I'd do though as my school grades weren't great.
you don't care about me too? that's okay..
I have placed multiple times in debate this year at my local tournaments, but lost immediately at districts, my team and family was hoping for me to get in the national championships.
With that being said life isn't over
>>16852121
could we get 1 of your last initials
>>16852235
Uni sounds better than work, regardless of your grades not being that good. Sounds better than being a wageslave at least. Best of luck
>>16852094
The woman who is afraid is your wife. It's so typical of husbands to bitch about their wives when something more delicate catches their attention. Fucking YAWN. Grow some balls and be a man, a husband and stand by your wife, understand her better and stop thinking the other woman is some kind of cutesy angel.
>>16847758
i don't understand people's intentions and that hurts what i am, currently i'm depressed but i'm not worried about that cause i'm so logic i know this is just a moment and it will change in like 2 weeks (it's periodic).
20 yo, virgin (now working on it), i kissed the girl i like (first kiss for me) a few days ago but she clearly said that i'm in the friendzone (or something like that). the point is now i don't understand my position and if i can get out of this. the fun fact is: i wouldn't take her as my girlfriend, we're too different and there's something annoying in her, but since now i'm in the "depressing moment" i'd like to have a girl (her) by my side just to cheer me up.
i clearly have some mental issues but this makes me very charismatic to people in a good way, it's just that i don't mind my emotions, i know they're just something we inherited from the beasts we were. the point is: i know they're something important in people's lifes since the vast majority of people live well thanks to them, i just don't understand them.
i hope i'll keep going like the machine i am right now, guiding my emotions towards happiness, i hope i won't have a breakdown in the future which is something possible knowing that i'm not "normal" and mad people may have a breakdown.
this post is a mess cause my brain is kind of a mess, i'm more schematic in everyday speeches.
I get it. I finally get it all.
And it's so absurd that it's actually funny.
>>16852289
Are you The Comedian?
>>16851992
>>16852121 wasnt me, im not s.z, dont try to hijack my post dickwad
im DH
>>16852253
Z. is the initial of my last name.
>>16852289
>>16852300
Welcome to Absurdism.
Read Camus
I just took a midterm I definitely bombed. I knew how to do maybe 3 out of 20 problems. I'm so fucked and today is the last day to drop the class but my parents will take that to mean my depression is back because the last time I got depressed, I dropped all my classes because I stopped going (couldn't get out of bed). My depression is under control but this class is really fucking hard and the professor sucks. He hasn't given us any homework or practice problems this entire time, so how does he expect us to know how to do them on a test? Fuck.
I'm going to have to find a tutor and hope I can get a C by the end of the semester. Fuck. I need some goddamn sleep. I don't even want to be in this major but I'm two years in and it's too late to switch now for financial reasons.
I really gotta move out of my parents place. They last Saturday for their anniversary and came back today and I immediately figured out why shit sucks here. All they do is piss and moan about their jobs, watch god awful shows on TV and gawk at white trash people on Facebook like they're so much above them. When they aren't here, whole place is chill. The dog even seem to be a lot calmer. No one comes home stomping though the house pitching a fit about some trivial bullshit like someone's jacket is on the back of a chair. I can sit in the living room, watch shows on Netflix or play vidya without anyone getting pissed that I'm im their seat. I know that if I got my own place it'd come with its own set of problems but I can't help but just want to get out. And I know I could do it. I've got a friend who's moving into the house next to his parents and they said they'd let me move in there too if I payed. I ain't got a job but if I really tried I could get one. School kinda keeps me from being so flexible. So it's been kinda hard. I could go to a university next year and live on campus. I'd have to pay a whole lot of money and I also don't know what I'm going to major in. Honestly I want to take a gap year. Shits just been so stale lately. Can't even think straight most of the time. It's like somethings been eating my thoughts and I've been in this "it's just whatever" state of mind. I can get excited but I don't stay passionate about anything. I gotta figure out what to do. I don't wanna die here.
I'm apathic.
>>16852425
I've been there, mate.
More closely than you know. Had the whole "depression, drop out, become zombie for a while" thing. Did it, got over it.
I went back to school.
I graduated.
So here's the thing.
Undergrad work is real easy.
Show up to class and do the work they assign. All of it.
Do that and you'll be in the top 10%.
Do that and still feel like you bomb, then the bell curve will still make you top 10%.
Worst come to awful, go to their office hours and ask them directly what they want.
I had a psychiatry appointment the other day for depression, and the guy was so condescending and unpleasant I let it affect my decision to turn down a prescription I would have gotten. I got wrapped up in the canned depression survey questions I subconsciously thought I was in counseling and took his attitude personally when I should have seen him as nothing more than a pill dispenser.
I'm such an idiot.
>>16852439
Change that ASAP.
I was apathetic through HS, college, and Uni.
Regret all of it.
The younger you are the better.
Choose something.
Anything.
And follow it to your best abilities to the end.
One of my buddies revealed that he's been secretly dating my childhood girlfriend who I never really got over after we moved apart and that motherfucker knew that.
I loved keeping those parts of my history separate. Now I'm unsure how to confront them.
>>16852447
I might have to do the office hours thing, because we don't have any homework or practice problems in this class since the prof is teaching it for the first time in 20 years (it's a 101 class and he usually teaches grad students).
Thank you. I know no one expects me to graduate since I'm so old now that I'm going back, but I really want to. I need to.
>>16852469
Go shell out for another appointment and fix your fuck-up, you know what you need to do.
>>16852490
Whack both
>>16852403
Initials to?
>>16852501
I was old too the second time I went back.
23? 24? I forget.
Ancient compared to those fucking young ass fucks.
What class you have?
Maybe I can help you get you on the right track. I've taken just about every 101 class imaginable.
I remember a 101 Eng Lit class. Professor essentially used it as a soap box for his personal crazy views.
One class he went on about how the Star of David was a two dimensional portrayal of a three dimension view of two pyramids looking end on end.
>>16852510
C.S.
Dad,
it's alright, I got this. I appreciate the help and the effort, you have no idea how much it means. you're the one most excited for me. you're the only one that I know supports me 120% on this. I can see how much you want to help, desperately so. I can also see the fear that this will turn out badly because I'm in new territory and because you're physically far away. its alright, I've got this, this is already more successful than I could have hoped. by far, this is the most successful thing I've done.
I went from homeless to beginning to be where I've wanted to be for over a decade in three years. things only seem to get better and even if this fails I've got my foot in the door and I'll be trying again... but this is already looking so good and I have so many plans. I appreciate the effort to help so much dad, but for once, I know in myself that I've got this. you don't have to worry though I know the pressure I'm putting on myself and the stress levels I'm taking may be worrying people. I've gotta maintain this to keep the momentum I've been building, and I'm doing alright. I'm building the habits and level of work ethic I'm going to need to get "there". that lofty place I've pictured so many times. that place where I can make a difference. that place where I bring honor to the family name. that place where I can leave a mark. that place where, for the first time, I can be okay and feel like I belong because I'll have built the place I belong in.
the same reasons you're scared for me are the same reasons I'm gonna succeed. it's been reallll rough, and I haven't always made the right choices, but everything was a lesson and I've been paying attention. I've listened to everything you've ever said too. even the times I just nodded and grunted. I remember. I've got the skills, knowledge, and learned the lessons I needed for this to work.
>>16852512
I'm 24 and about to turn 25, and yeah everyone is so fucking young.
It's Electrical Engineering 101. It's required for my comp sci degree even though it's a prerequisite for nothing.
>>16852541
Yeah good luck facing up against those Chinese and Indian ass youngsters.
Pretty much, do all the problems you can think of that is relation to the section of your book that you think you're covering.
Check your fucking 200$ book and do the chapter questions.
That should keep you on track
Why do i always get betrayed, why i can't find a decent friend?
are people that bad?
This isn't fair /adv/, i haven't done nothing to wrong them, yet i ended with the short stick again, its just not fair.
i would do anything for the slightest affection right now.
>>16852574
I know the feeling anon. I have maybe one good friend I can trust. I've overall learned that most friends are only friends when it suits them.
>>16852574
I had a friend like you once.
He was always like "All friends betray me".
The answer was that he was a cunt.
We wanted to be his friend but he made it so that was undesirable.
Think about that
>>16852596
i never ever did anything of ill will to them, always the sweetheart of the group, always helping the best way i can, even with money issues
Don't assume things you don't know
>>16852510
to JL
>>16852522
fuck off dude, stop replying to questions for me?
Volunteering and interacting with strangers on an almost daily basis has made me humble and kind at an almost unconditional level and it's really annoying because I find myself doing my "welcome in" smile to random people outside of the shop.
It's nice, to be honest, since I always thought of myself as being a bit of a dick but I've seen noticeable changes in my behaviour and confidence when talking to strangers. It's weird when I find myself treating people like customers when I'm not volunteering though.
I've also finished a massive assignment after a 9-hour session and I've got another due a week Monday so next week will be spent pooling resources and studies whilst planning the essay.
It's weird and an /x/ tier comment but it feels like there has been a large shift in my life and I'm just generally happier now. I'm getting on pretty well with the two girls I'm talking to and my diet is going well.
The only negative is that my gym is plagued with fuckboys who take up the entire weights section by doing varieties of curls but even then, my membership ends on Sunday and I was planning on joining a powerlifting gym on Monday.
>>16852599
Sounds like you were a flabby add on then.
That guy who just hangs around without ever becoming a center of a conversation.
He never says anything remotely polarizing.
He just agrees, or otherwise stays silent.
Remember that friendship is always earned.
Unless you're childhood friends, you never default into being one of the boys.
You gotta have a reason so that people call you up.
>>16852613
more assuming eh?
people like are the worst
Owen I miss you so much man. I wish that last time you asked me to hang and play vidya together I procrastinated and had fun with you instead of being "responsible". How could I have known I would never see you again though. I'm not religious by any means, but weirdly I pray for your soul every night. From your brother from another mother. RIP.
I can't shake the desire to kill myself.
I screwed up my academic life.
I'm useless there.
I finally got a good job, but I can't help but feel like they're going to terminate my contract at the end of the month. It's totally out of my hands. I've been a model employee. Ten times better than the lazy fucks they current employ, but interoffice politics means that I must go.
So I'm going to be out of a job.
And out of a house due to fucking bullshit here.
No job.
No roof.
No friends.
No future.
Why the fuck not kill myself?
It's either that or join the military.
I'd have done it sooner if my father, a military man, always said the military was fucking stupid.
Why the fuck do i always need to tell me or my subconsiousness that im a valuable human bring that People like and respect. Why do i always question every decision i make. Why do i doubt every emotion, thouht or anything i experience. Can you or i please just stop and shut the fuck up. You are fine, really, there is nothing go worry about.
>>16852649
That only means you're a good person.
Only total Chads see themselves as golden Adonises
>>16852596
I became friends with people that talked like you once. thought they'd make good friends, thought they understood.
turns out the people that were cunts were people that realized these people were abusive, treated people like things, and reacted violently to anything outside of their little bubble.
I have no regrets with becoming one of those "cunts" so much stress is gone. I saw how off track my life became with these people. I have more energy now. best thing ever.
think about that.
its not all black and white m8. "meet an asshole in the morning, he's an asshole. meet assholes all day, you're the asshole" doesn't always apply.
>>16852651
>Only total Chads see themselves as golden Adonises
man there's a lot of black and white thinking in here today. yall must hate a lot of people when you draw such generalized conditions for connotated hatred.
>>16852276
THIS. I've had bosses like you who married for money/status and their wives got fat and they made every day at work a living hell for me. FUCK YOU. Be a man and get a fucking divorce, bitch.
Oh, and little miss tarantula is probably fucking a 21 year old when you aint there.
>>16847880
The only reason I haven't killed myself is because my mum's already buried two children, she couldn't handle burying a third; she's even told me that if I killed myself she knows she'd follow suit, because I'm the only thing keeping her here.
Another night ahead of me with you not there. I'm not going to look for you. I'll be in the place at - well, you know when. I'll be alone.
When I'm happy, I'm "overconfident and arrogant",
When I'm neutral or sad, I'm "too serious",
When I'm being playful, I'm "causing trouble",
When I'm minding my own business tryin' to stay out of trouble, I'm "sulking/moody/antisocial".
And if I somehow find some perfect balance to which they cannot complain about, then they'll bring up things I've done in the past.
If not that, then they'll bring up things my brother has done, and blame it on me.
You've gotta love your family, but you aint gotta like 'em.
These last two months have really taught me that - I hate my job so much, but I'll be damned if I'm not gonna work overtime to avoid family get togethers from now on.
Fuck me, it aint easy bein' the black sheep when all I ever try is to be good.
I've pretty much given up on people at this point.
I'm always the creep, the loser, the bad guy for whatever reason. Any excuse to blame me for anything.
Shit the more stressed I get, the more cocaine sounds fuckin amazing - I really gotta try it sometime.
Every part of me just wants to steer into the skid right now and actually be bad. Fuck it, I'm doin' the time, I should very well do the bloody crime.
Get some strippers/hookers/junkie bitches, cocaine - I'll snort it off their naked bodies and live like Charlie Sheen for a day or some shit. Wake up somewhere I don't know with a big old smile on my face.
Fuck, I gotta find a reason to keep going because I wanna break bad right now.
>>16852645
Are you a T.I.?
>>16852707
nope
I'm an alcoholic and despite trying to stop, I see no reason to
i hope ours is a friendship that actually does last. even though its been a rocky road lately, I can see us together in the future. theres a huge football field near where i live that's deserted at night, and i really want to lay in the middle of it with you and watch the stars while we listen to some good music some day. i wish i could do stuff like that with you every day. i dont know where we stand anymore, but its alright, as long as you're happy. you're the best mess to ever come into my life.
I'm living at home with my parents and my mom takes every little thing I say as indication that my life is going to shit. I know she loves me but these neurotic reactions are so fucking hard to deal with. I have feelings for someone who is apparently emotionally unavailable and my friend keeps encouraging it. I've been too tired lately to exercise and I know I'm going to gain the weight back. I need to work more hours at my job but my boss doesn't have anything for me to do.
I don't know how to feel better except to just fap.
I hate my fucking job.
So I got a friend in a great place.
He says "There's a job opening, apply for it".
So I did.
I got it.
But the upper cunts are like "Ooooh, we can only hire you for a month, officially, but do good and we can see to extend that".
Then I see my local manager and she's all like "Fuuuuuuuuck, we need people who actually try".
And I talk to my direct leader, and he's all like "Thank god you're here, we need more people to just finish the day".
So I have such a conflict between corporate saying "Oh jeez, we can't say whether we need you beyond this month", and the people on the actual ground dying saying "Please don't leave we need you".
I can't help but feel like at the end of the month, I'll get dropped and then they'll all be stuck with an understaffed department and me without a job.
Fuck me.I want to feel happy about landing this job, but the contracted nature of it means that I can't feel shit but worry about whether I get renewed or not.
>>16852739
I really hope your person knows this, or at least knows how you feel.
>>16852704
Feel most of the time the same. Couldnt watch Wolf of Wallstreet because he did everything i want to do. Have money, do drugs, fuck every girl i like.
I hope i grow up somewhere in the future and focus on other stuff.
I had a shitty day at work
leave work to visit my grandmother in the hospital
you cancel our plans to visit my town, but say i should go to yours to sit in your house watching you get high and play with your cats.
grow the fuck up ex girlfriend
The way my wife talks to me sometimes makes me feel like a piece of shit or a broken human being. I'm not as good as she wants me to be. I really need to sleep.
>>16852752
And then your contract gets extended by a month and they do the same thing again.
I am tired of life being unfair. Biology assigns you a sex at birth and will never change at least until technology allows for it which would most likely be not in my lifetime or never. There is always a hierarchy in the wild among species let alone humans themselves. I'm about ready to say fuck it all and acquire a firearm somehow to just shoot a bunch of people dead ending their stories prematurely. Even though humans are like snowflakes in that we're different and special individually, with everyone special this means nobody is special.
I'm ready to embrace the true order of life and the universe, which is chaos, and just watch it all fucking burn down to the ground. I have a police officer in my family, maybe, I could steal their gun.
>>16852838
I know and it's killing me.
Like every week is like "Uhhh... maybe you get fired. Better work harder!" meanwhile the employees are entrenched in the union are jerking off 3/4 the day.
The department managers are losing their shit about not having enough employees but the big wigs are trying not to hire anyone with full benefits.
I hate it.
Literally, given fair field, I'd be running my own department in a year, considering my competition.
I had to explain for 20 minutes to my "team leader" what an average.
Literally, what the most basic definition of an average is.
Jesus.
>>16852849
You fucking lil nig.
Biology doesn't assign shit.
What you feel is INDEPENDENT of your body.
You hear?
You are not your body.
Nobody is.
Your body is your vessel.
Not your defining article.
>>16852856
Male = XY Chromosomes
Female = XX Chromosomes
I see you failed your high school biology class and possibly someone who came over from Tumblr.
>>16852887
That's what I'm getting at idiot.
Your fucking DNA doesn't tell you how to feel.
All these feminists are deciding "This is feminine, this is masculine, if you don't line up, you're a freak".
You got your body and then you got your mind.
Think whatever you want.
Your body doesn't influence your thoughts.
You are you.
Your body is just a parasite on that.
>>16852756
Nah, I dont know. I think they do know how i feel about them, but I am very passive about it now, I am trying to be more distant, even though what I really want is to stay close with them. I'm a weird guy.
>>16852894
Why do you support trannies, degenerate? Are you begging to be hanged on the day of the rope?
>>16852903
No, I hate trannies.
They're delusional.
You and your sex is independent.
I was born with a penis.
Who I am has no bearing on that.
I am who I am. My biology has no impact on that.
If I had a vagina, I'd think and feel the same way.
Trannies are people who are weak and want something they don't currently have.
>>16852907
So you're basically a Tumblr special snowflake individual who doesn't conform to the gender binary?
>>16852920
No fuck that.
No one is special.
We're all human.
Every human is their own thing.
Thinking you're special in that makes you a cunt.
We're all alone in our own views.
Trying to group people into types makes you an idiot.
Everyone sees things differently.
When you're a kid, people try to make you a boy or a girl.
That way, tumblr is right. There is a force making people into masculine or feminine types.
But they're totally wrong in thinking it's inherent.
The absolute truth is that every person is their own island.
We're ultimately alone in that regard.
But there's enough to make us relate to a small amount of other people, regardless of sex.
Tumblr and their SJW like try to make people fall into categories of sex and gender.
But that's wrong. Who you want to fuck has no bearing on who you are.
>>16852920
There is a word to describe people such as >>16852907 and >>16852894.
It's called being [spoiler]agender[/spoiler].
>>16849548
150 pushups every day before bed. Start with low sets.
>>16852894
>complains about feminists
>supports Butler's theory
?
>>16852929
>We're all human.
>Every human is their own thing.
>We're all alone in our own views.
>Everyone sees things differently.
>The absolute truth is that every person is their own island.
>No one is special.
Nice contradictions.
>>16852949
When everyone is special, no one is.
We are different like the stars in the sky are different
>>16852933
>spoilers on /adv/
Imagine how much more fun this place would be if we were allowed to have spoilers
>>16852952
Even when nobody is special because they are special still makes them special, bud.
>people who come on this board solely to talk about relationships and how they can't get any
How much more generic can you be? Wow you're dealing with problems that fucking 99% of humanity has dealt with or will deal with at some point.
I feel so much for your struggles!
Honestly, I care IMMENSELY.
>>16852958
Look what I meant was unique.
Is any number between 1 and a billion special?
No, but each is unique.
Everyone is unique, but it doesn't make them important.
My ultimate message is that no one is important.
We all die.
>>16852964
Unique and special are sometimes used as synonyms for each other.
I'm beginning to suspect you're trolling.
>>16847758
I've been using my married crush as motivation to make positive changes in my life. I wouldn't even have my job if it wasn't for that. I'm pathetic.
>>16852971
Unique and special are not fucking synonyms.
I'm suspecting the same of you,
Listen to what the fuck I am saying
Life is a joke.
You choose between living comfortably and living like shit.
You choose comfort.
That's ok, many people do.
In order to do so, you need to indebt yourself to billionaires.
Do you know how the feudal system began?
Free land owners indebting themselves to lords for protection.
No difference here.
Those who choose higher education are granted basic living life.
Those who don't are spent their lives struggling.
It's all a joke.
Live as a neo-serf, or live as the mud beneath their heel.
It's a fucking joke.
>>16852962
If you don't realise by now that everyone deals with certain situations and emotions differently, you either have zero empathy, or have the IQ of a 2 year old.
If I don't see you in the next 72 hours I'm going to be sad and a little bit worried.
Why, I don't know.
I haven't decided whether you are a young man with exceptional control or none at all.
I don't know if you are incredibly self-destructive or extraordinarily resilient.
At this point it is unlikely that I will ever find out.
>>16853000
If you speak with a thesaurus as an authority, you're gonna seem like a fucking faggot.
Language is a lot more complicated than a god damned thesaurus.
Tell me that "damp" and "moist" mean precisely the same thing due to a thesaurus listing them as synonyms.
Nigga, you know they aren't
