>>16810491

say
>thank you for the concern, but im just starting to see this guy, and were still figuring things out. not just if im compattible with him, or us with each other, but also me with his kids. yes, there comes a point where you gotta commit or ditch, but for now, were still just exploring the possibilities. when the time comes i will keep in mind what you are saying, but its my life, so please stop trying to tell me i shouldnt do something just because you didnt like the results. if you bring it up again, i will shut down the conversation, and that is the endo f that. do we have an understanding?'

shes being aggressive with you, so you gotta be aggressive with her, but stil lvalidate her concerns.

>>16810503
She's normally a totally supportive and great friend. Which is why THIS is so annoying.

I guess what I dislike most of all is "I can do it, but I know you can't." People assume I'm an idiot all the time, and are surprised when I'm not completely incompetent. I don't care about them, but it kind of hurts coming from a good friend.

>>16810520

maybe address that with her and have a good cry over it. explain your history with kids. she might not change her mind but you'll have at least said your piece.

but go in soft in that case. sos he doesnt feel like its an attack

>>16810539
Ew, no crying. Haha, but I'll tell her when I'm less salty about it. That way I won't say some nasty shit that I don't really mean.

Is this common though? People that have kids thinking they're some kind of superior being? Bill Burr is always spot-on.

>>16810569

ehh. depends on the person. if they have other things going on its no big deal. some people act like its the end all. and to be honest it is probably because their life revolves around it. especially if you dont have a kid in daycare. it is a full time job

>>16810491
You're going to have to raise the kid if you plan on marrying him. If you don't see that as an option though then you shouldn't even be dating him because it's a waste of time.

You should find out more about the guy first and see if he's someone you really want to be with. If not, the childcare concerns are null. Don't stress about it if it's still early.

>>16810600
>>16810623

I really like the guy, and I can see it getting serious.

I was kind of joking about just being a shitty girlfriend and not having anything to do with the kid. It was moreso to get her off of my back... as in I don't HAVE to do anything.

I don't really mind taking care of kids. I just don't go about it in the most conventional way, but I've still been on field trips, parent teacher conferences, and doctor visits. Maybe I'm too nonchalant about it for her taste, but I swear people are exaggerating.

>>16810667
It's really is life changing. All priorities change because you have an inalienable responsibility to put this little person's requirements first.

Want to go to dinner? Not without making arrangements.

Want to go on holiday? No more shagging all over the hotel room, sleeping in till midday and laying in the sun. Junior has to be catered to too.

It's not bad, just inescapable so you adapt by necessity.

>>16810706
This is also where I feel like money comes into play though- and what kind of support system they have (mom in the neighborhood, babysitters/nannies, etc).

But I get what you're saying.

>>16810491
Your friend is full of shit. Babies are a lot of work. Kids (~3-4 years+), on the other hand, aren't as taxing. If you have buckets of patience, you'll manage.

> Sauce: Father of three

>>16810962
Haha, ok, I thought so. I can admit that I CANNOT nor do I want to handle a baby.

But kids, I've always had a particular ease with. Thanks for not bullshitting me man. I've had friends with kids that say the same as you. People exaggerate and act like martyrs sometimes.

>>16810491
His kids will always come first. You may not have to raise them, but he will expect you to be there for him, and by extension them if need be. There will be a point where he expects you to "take care" of them, and whatever capacity that may be will vary. This is strictly relationship status, if you plan on being serious in the future then expect to actually take them in as your own.

>>16811053
I have no problem with all that honestly. I can be wildly irresponsible and nuts, but I also can be pretty selfless, and have plenty of olove to give.

I just don't need someone in my ear telling me it's the 'hardest job in the world' and that I can't possibly understand. It kind of negates any valid points they might have.

>>16811093
They don't need to be butting into your relationship regardless. Tell them that you'd rather not talk to them about it, if that's all they have to say then you've heard it and understand, but it's your choice to make not theirs.

>>16810491
There's a reason why the evil stepmother story exists. You'll always be #4 in his life
> his kids >>> his ex wife > him >>> you

Just look at step mom central forums at Cafemom for a glimpse of what your life will be like. Constant step kid drama, baby mama drama

>>16811208
Oh jesus. I don't like the ex wife taking rank, I can't lie about that. I mean, I don't see why she would unless it's in regards to the kids, which would mean the KIDS take rank over me; which is how it should be.

I also tend to put who I'm with before myself, but that only works if he does the same. Oh fuck me man.

>>16811285
He'll always love the ex wife more, she made children with him. They were once family. You're literally an unrelated stranger.

The only way to change this is to marry him and have children with him. Sad but true, children from previous marriages are often forgotten and neglected once the shiny new wife has children. Understandable, you have a real family with a loving wife now, who cares about that ex wife bitch and her not-cute older kids?

Hey, no one likes the stepmother for a reason.

>>16811285
>I don't like the ex wife taking rank, I can't lie about that.
Unfortunately, unless she dies, she's always going to be in his life and will have more importance, if she takes the kids most of the time. If she's not doing well, then the kids will suffer. It doesn't exactly end at 18 either.

>>16811306
>>16811309
Ok, so the kids I can definitely handle & step up to the plate for, no problem.

But you know what I DIDN'T factor in? The ex-wife. Ohhhhhhhh fuuuuuuuucccccccckkkkkkkkk meeeeeeeeee

>>16811351
Yup. Kids are fine, but it's the crazy ex wife you have to watch out for. My sister-in-law married a great guy with a kid, but his ex is still in their lives. Every day is a new problem. They divorced because she became lazy, wanted to be pampered, and drove him head first into debt.

>>16811477
And this ex wife is going to be in their lives every single day, every day a new baby mama problem

Worst of all, she will always rank over you because she had kids with him. You can't get rid of her, but the new girlfriend is expendable

>>16811477
>>16811497
I don't want to bail immediately on the slim chance it WON'T be like that, because I really do like this guy. But I know what is most likely going to happen at least. Thanks for the.... unfortunate heads up. Blegh.

Out of curiosity, is it the same way when dating a single mom?

>>16811528
Yup. This is why society discourages divorce. It sucks for everyone

>>16811528
>Out of curiosity, is it the same way when dating a single mom?
Generally. The father, even if he initially wanted nothing to do with the kid, can always show up at some point.

>>16811857
How is that a problem? He takes the kid off her hands for a day or a few hours during the weekdays