End in friendship
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
Wrote on here a few days ago. Anyway, I got a guy friend whom I've known for 6 years in just a month. We started out as friends, then got together but that failed multiple times. We eventually came to the conclusion that we weren't meant to be more than friends. It's been hard but I've accepted it. I make sure I'm not all over him, I've always respected him and his schedule. We mostly chat via messenger and from time to time over voice. Although hes the one who initiates it, asking me if I want to and every time I say yes, giving up whatever I was doing prior to it. I value our friendship, because it's kinda the only true and real thing I have.
I'm currently battling cancer and have been for quite a while. I wanted to tell him this and asked if he had time this past weekend. He said yes. But he forgot and I got somewhat upset. He seemed annoyed that I had requested it and reluctantly suggested that we spoke late Sunday night, that was after calling me a baby. I said good-night because I was hurt. Monday I apologized for my part, but he didn't reply to me at all and yesterday it just got worse.
He seems to hold it against me, that I ask for nothing but 5 minutes of his time. He argues that he's busy and that I should just have taken the offer of talking to him when it was there and he doesn't seem to get that friendship doesn't mean settling for timed offers and deals. He makes it out that I'm the villain, asking him to drop everything for my sake.
I haven't heard squad from him since the argument but I think that's for the best. Am I in the wrong here? Asking for 5 minutes? I just feel like I'm a nuisance when it comes to the benefits of a friendship?
- I'm not needy, like at all. I respect him and his life. I respect that he has other people, friends, perhaps a girlfriend. And I more than anything want him to be happy. But at the same time, we both agreed to be friends and I'm not going to let myself be neglected or neglect myself for someone. I've been nothing but selfless and self-sacrificing for years. I gladly give up my time to talk to him, because that's what friends do. They sacrifice time and other things, they show support and help. But it doesn't seem that he shares those values and ideals when it comes to me. He says he cares but doesn't have time, because he's busy.
I've never asked much of him. I've never been selfish when it came to him. I've been painfully understanding and respectively stepped off whenever he required peace and time to think.
I'm going into surgery tomorrow afternoon and I just wish he'd been there for me prior to it. I guess that's what it all boils down to.
I'm just not sure what to do?
Also sorry for the long post.
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I don't think you're in the wrong. Everyone deserves to be heard and five minutes is nothing compared to a lifetime. I hope your struggles with cancer and everything else turn out for the better. Hang in there.
>>16790126
I sincerily wish you the best. Of course you are not wrong here. Hang in there and godspeed.
>>16790126
You're not in the wrong, but without knowing his side of things I can't say he's in the wrong either. It's a dick thing to do, not putting aside 5 minutes for a friend like he did, but maybe he really was stressed out or had a busy day.
Regardless, I think the best thing to do is focus on what you can do rather than what he should do. My advice is to just text him saying you're going into surgery in the afternoon and it'd mean a lot to talk to him prior to it; and if he keeps blowing you off in the future, maybe it's best to not spend your time on him.
