Engagement
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
So my boyfriend proposed without a ring. I would be totally ok with it if it wasn't for the fact that he once told me he gave his ex girlfriend a promise ring. He says that he gave her a ring and that it seemed like he tried more with her because she was his first love and that that's what he felt he should do. He said that even after everything he did, she left him. I feel bad because she got a ring, and I am supposed to be his fiancee and haven't received anything from him. I am usually the one who buys him stuff and when I mention something about it he says "Well I bought you an orange." I don't want to seem so jealous or greedy. But sometimes I feel like she meant more to him. I don't want to feel like his second choice. He says he loves me and he is sure I'm the one he wants to spend his entire life with. What should I do? Please no rude comments.
Maybe he thinks that you're actually the one who isn't 100% into him, and so he lacks the permission of his superego to go with his gut and "lock you down" with investments like a ring.
That doubt could come from his past. It could also come from how you act. Or it could be both.
> Please no rude comments.
Dude if you know exactly what sort of comments you're going to get, then you already know the answer to your question. Fuck you, you're a greedy cunt. I hope he breaks off the engagement when he realizes who you really are deep down.
>>16785594
>op buys stuff for bf
>bf can't even be arsed to offer up a promise ring at a critical juncture in the relationship
I don't think OP is the greedy one here
How long have you been together?
What age are you two?
Does he have a job?
Like, if he has a job and just decided to propose without shit... idk, I just think that's shady.
>>16785574
perhaps he realized that giving a ring doesnt matter if they are going to leave you anyways. you cant buy a promise with a ring, so why bother?
he might also just not be in a financially stable place. he might also just not be invested enough in humans to spend money like that without some guaranteed return on it (since his last gf flaked anyway). he might have changd his mind about rings in general.
its likely a layered and complex issue. but YOU arent. his past is.
you can either accept him for what he is, or you can move on. but making him buy you a ring isnt going to help, so its not actually an option.
>>16785574
Your current bf is probably (subconsciously) still hurt by the rejection from his previous gf. I wouldn't go as far to say that he liked/loved her more than you, but understand that the Psychological reversal is the same as a hot stovetop. You touch the stovetop, you get burned, it hurts, it makes us hesitant to touch the stove top again, that and we are concisely aware of previous consequences of our behaviour, governing how we proceed forward.
Your boyfriend is a different person now, although in a negative way, as long as you try to compare what's in front of you with that was in the past you'll always leave something to be desired. I surmise your boyfriend is afraid of opening up, afraid to put himself out there "fully" (in part I think we can still do it to an extent, even though afflicted.) because of what's happened in the past. You are not wrong wanting certain things, but you need to take what's in front of you, the person he has become, his actions, emotions etc, and decide if that person can satisfy your needs, and is someone you can accept and be with for the rest of your life.
Good luck
Look, I hate a greedy woman as much as anyone, but that's bullshit. If he doesn't have his shit together enough to afford a ring, he's not ready for the hard parts of marriage, which requires enormous reserves of energy, patience, and, yeah, money helps there, but more importantly, the ability to provide helps both partners- the man for the ability to plan, prepare and respond, and the woman for the feeling of stability and steadfastness, both of which are undervalued until you realize how critical they are in a marriage.
And, yeah, if he thinks buying a metal circle with a rock on it is too symbolic or too much pressure, that's a negative, too.
Oh, and Jesus Christ, lady, it's a promise ring for his ex. That's a child's thing, not an adult's. Get over it too.
Dude sounds a little iffy.
I'd try giving him a ring to show you're serious. Nothing crazy expensive, just a token to show you're not going to run away. Maybe that will be the kick in the ass he needs.
