My gf told me she is asexual recently. We have been dating since the start of the year, and done sexual things multiple times. She said the last time we hung out that she wants me to be happy, and enjoys seeing my reactions to sexual things, but doesn't get anything out of anything sexual herself (she didn't actually use the word 'asexual'). She has no idea what she is doing when she tries things... I thought it was just inexperience at first, but the sex was really terrible-- neither of us orgasmed after like, 8 times getting sexual.
I really hate the idea of her only getting sexual with me because of what I am getting out of it-- for me, mutual pleasure and desire is very important. I kinda suspected she wasn't into sex but always made sure to ask if she was sure, and go out of my way to make her not feel pressured, and she has stated that I have never made her feel pressured, but idk. It just makes me feel kinda shitty.
I feel like I should just break up with her. We both want different things, and just end up feeling bad about not wanting what the other wants. I feel like an asshole though. She is a really amazing person.
We talked about how nothing is wrong with wanting sex or not wanting sex, and neither of us are like, at fault for anything, but she did cry when I said "Well...I have a very high sex drive" after she told me about her disinterest in it, saying she just wants me to be happy and feels like a bad partner for not telling me before we started dating. I don't want to make her feel bad. I never wanted to hurt anyone. I think she suspects I want to break up, and I feel like a jerk.
If I had known, I wouldn't have dated her in the first place. I kinda have a strict "no asexuals" policy for this very reason; not out of disrespect, but just because of incompatibility.
Am I a bad person for wanting to break up with her for this?
I'm in the same exavt boat. When my gf and I started dating we had sex five times a day.
Now I'm lucky if it's once a month.
I stopped trying to make moves on her all the time, and that seems to help. But not very much.
She dropped birth control recently after reading about how it gives you anxiety and can permanently destroy your sex drive.
Not sure what to do either, mate. I love her, but I can't stand not having sex for much longer. I'd be happy with a weekly handjob at this point.
I made a tinder account today...considered cheating, then deleted the app.
Wtf do I do? I don't want to dump her, she's great, but I have needs. I don't jack off, so when I have blue balls it's four hours of crippling discomfort. I get mood swings when I don't have sex too.
Nope. I don't have anything against asexual people, but same as you I have a high sex drive and won't date them. You aren't a bad person.
sex is important for most people in a relationship, so it's understandable, but you could also try helping her first
maybe try something different? go to a doctor?
>>16780680
I'm mot op i'm the other guy.
I've been dating my gf for four years. Dumping her is my last resort.
Is there anything that can be done to get ger to open up to sex again?
>>16780678
OP here. I reactivated dating site stuff and I feel like shit for it.
I empathize with your situation. I wish I could tell you what was right. I am very not proud of it, but I considered cheating, too. I have never cheated before in my life and always thought it was unthinkable
Your situation sounds even harder because you're both in love. I told my girl that I felt like I was falling for her the second to last time we saw each other (the time before she told me about the sex stuff), and she said that she didn't want things to get that intense yet. That also is fueling my desire to break up/find someone else.
>>16780697
>4 years
Damn, that sounds really difficult. Try talking to her about it. My gf explicitly had a conversation w me about this. If you and yours haven't, try bringing it up.
>>16780680
Thank you
>>16780694
I have tried helping her. She makes a
:I
face whenever we do anything.
We have tried a number of things, to no avail. I don't think she needs a doctor and I would never try to 'fix' someone for who they are.
I'm the guy with the four year gf.
The only way I could see staying with her is by cheating or if she miraculously gets her sex drive back.
We have fun, we got along great. We are very close, but when we get into bed at night she only wants to cuddle. If I make a move she says no and distances herself.
I guess I'll find a hot tinder teen to fuck.
>>16780763
If I were you, I'd talk to her and ask her why she isn't into sex anymore before that
But regardless of what you do, I wish you all the best. Hope everything works out how you want, anon
bump for help?
>>16780653
Here's your problem, OP. You are a little bitch boi and she is actually attracted to men. A lot of women got of to the idea of getting you off. Some think this makes the asexual, but that's just tumblr bullshit. You want to get her excited to have sex with you? Then make it appear as if she is irresistible, and make it damn clear that she makes you cum buckets. Sheit, I've gone to far as to start grunting orders like a gorilla while throwing girls around in bed. They love the idea of turning you into an animal with their sexuality, it is literally the only type of power women innately posses.
>>16780898
>You are a little bitch boi and she is actually attracted to men.
Jokes on you, we're both trannies that are attracted to girls and other trannies.
>You want to get her excited to have sex with you? Then make it appear as if she is irresistible, and make it damn clear that she makes you cum buckets.
Done that already. Didn't work. She just ended up thinking she was doing a good job at making me feel good when she wasn't, and I wasn't making her feel good, either. Tried to be more direct and honest about what felt good and what didn't. She literally only likes grinding her crotch up against things, that's it. No other sex stuff. Which I did for a while, but that shit is just foreplay to me
>>16780914
>Jokes on you, we're both trannies that are attracted to girls and other trannies.
>we're both trannies
Well theirs your problem. "She" isn't actually attracted to you, she just likes you because you enable "her" mental illness. "She" wants to be fucked by an actual man, but is homophobic. Dump her, and stop being a disappointment to your parents.
>>16780914
> Jokes on you, we're both trannies that are attracted to girls and other trannies.
Kill yourselves.
>>16780653
Has she never orgasmed?
Is her clitoris sensitive?
>>16780961
>>16780970
Heard it all before, senpai. Thanks for the replies
>>16780972
I don't know if she has or not. I suppose I could ask. I'm not really sure if she masturbates, honestly
She is sensitive though. Just in a way she doesn't like, apparently.
>>16780914
>we're both trannies
Oh then your problem cant be fixed. Youve mutilated your body too much and its rejecting now. I wonder what the suicide rate for trannies is now. Id expect 1 of you 2 to pull the trigger.
I've noticed with my gf is that if I activate cave man mode she is way more open to sex.
Pull her pants off when she's least expecting it with force.
Throw her over your shoulder when you get home and drop her on the bed, then suck on her tits.
Just let the beast loose. She'll respond.
>>16780998
None of us have gotten surgery and we don't plan to. Just hormones senpai
>>16781058
I am too worried about being too forceful
>>16781067
>Im forcing an unnatural hormonal balance in my body that effects my sexuality
>Why is my body not happy with sex
KEK
>>16781067
>I am too worried about being too forceful
And that's what is turning her off...
>>16781075
I've had really good sex. I was a virgin until I transitioned. My body is very happy with sex. Hers isn't.
>>16781077
No like, I did that a little bit once and she did not like it
>>16780914
>Jokes on you, we're both trannies that are attracted to girls and other trannies.
Is this the bait of the century? If so, well done.
Otherwise, how can you not see that you're stuffing yourself with synthetic hormones that fuck your libido up cause you grew up watching Sailor Moon, while your parents were neglecting you?
Can't you see you're living a lie? Holy shit go back if you still can, otherwise you'll end up sucking dick for the next shot of heroine in less than 5 years.
>>16781090
>I got lucky, why didnt she
0/10. You might as well be advocating that trannies dont kill themselves.
>>16781096
Nah, I'm much happier this way. My libido is the same as it has ever been. I'm not doing this for your approval. In fact, people like you make me glad I am doing it, and even happier that I banked sperm before going infertile so that I can reproduce and pass on my 'degenerate' genes. My life has only improved-- I'm much happier
Also I don't fuck w opiates. I've had a friend die, and another one probably will soon
>>16781097
Most trans ppl I know have fulfilling sex lives. I advocate that you kill yourself, tho
>>16781107
>associating with drug addicts
Yep, your degenerate alright.
>>16781117
I stopped associating with them once they became drug addicts
>>16781107
Fuck off, you spoiled suburban little slut.
In my country trans people end up sucking dick in illegal brothels, because that's the only thing they can do, since they focused all their life on their stupid special snowflake sexuality.
People strive to survive everyday where I live, study their ass off for a future, and the only thing you can do is being SO BRAVE cause you wanna cut your dick off.
Fucking mentally ill cancer of society. I hope your parents will stop giving you money and disown you, you terminal end, waste of space of a human being. Enjoy working in retail for the rest of your life, while whoring yourself out on the side.
>>16780763
Don't fucking cheat on your girlfriend, you spineless fuck. "I don't want to dump her but I'm totally fine violating her trust." You're a selfish piece of shit. Accept that you aren't compatible sexually and move on or talk to her about possibly opening your relationship up so you can find an outlet, but don't be a cheating piece of shit.
>>16781107
most trans people kill themselves. Your experience means nothing
>>16781122
First of all: u mad
Secondly,
>People strive to survive everyday where I live, study their ass off for a future
So do I? I'm graduating from uni soon, and I have worked full time since I was in highschool.
>Enjoy working in retail for the rest of your life, while whoring yourself out on the side.
Never worked retail. I have a pretty good job that I've held for 4 years, but I'm gonna get a better one when I have a degree. I'm not into the sex work lifestyle.
You sound like a very bitter, angry person. Are you sure you're not a closet tranny?
I don't go around trying to get pity points or have anyone think I'm brave. Just livin' the life, brah
Your level of anger at my existence is hilarious tho. People like you keep me goin'. If I can make you that angry, I must be doing something right. Thanks for the encouragement <3
>>16780653
You and your bf are pieces of trash.
>>16781135
A lot do attempt suicide, but it's incorrect to say "most kill themselves"
>Your experience means nothing
I never said it meant anything for anyone. I was just stating facts about myself and the people I know.
>>16781140
I don't have a boyfriend. anyway, once again: if I got angry dudes on 4chan telling me that, then I must be on the right track ;^)
>>16781137
Never talk to me again, you fucking disgusting excuse of a human being.
Time will teach you, boy. When you're old and ugly, no one will love you anymore and you'll be a sad little fuck that fell for the im special meme.
I bet your family must be real proud of you.
I hope you're inherently rich otherwise get ready for the wild ride. Holding a job doesn't mean shit when you don't have a partner to support you. a real one, not your drugged up tranny shit "friends".
> I must be on the right track ;^)
U GO GURL!!!!
You're on the right track to ODing on a dirty mattress, you little slut.
>>16781171
Look at me, I'm talking to you again!
>When you're old and ugly, no one will love you anymore and you'll be a sad little fuck that fell for the im special meme.
I never said I was special. There are millions of trans people in the world. Thankfully I got on hormones as a teenager and never had male puberty. Thanks to anti-androgens I never have to worry about testosterone making me look manly.
>bet your family must be real proud of you.
They are, thanks. I'm sure yours would be too if they saw how wisely you spend your time trying in vain to bully trannies on 4chan
>a real one, not your drugged up tranny shit "friends".
My two former friends who became addicts were both straight dudes. My trans friends are all clean.
>You're on the right track to ODing on a dirty mattress, you little slut.
Why are you so obsessed with the idea of me doing drugs? Do you have a fetish for trannies OD'ing? Sorry to disappoint you, senpai
;^)
I seem somewhat out of place to answer this, but I'm actually an asexual with a straight male for... I believe 10/11 years now? He had the same issue in the beginning, except I told him straight up and not after doing things multiple times to give him an assumption I was going to be super sexual like him. When I say I'm asexual, I just don't have a sexual attraction to a male or female. However, I do have a libido and I'm able to enjoy the actual sex. Remember celibacy =/= asexuality, please remember that.
We ended up creating a way for us both to have our cake - and eat it too (noasexualjokeintended): we wouldn't be having sex like animals, but a minimum three times a week. If we end up just doing more for the week, that's fine - but no less than three. Then, we would do things I get to pick out (like going out to a sushi place or even just picking out a movie to watch, I like doing inexpensive shit) If we had a problem, he would express it and I'd take it into consideration, and we just worked it out like that.
Just, whatever you do OP, either find a way to work it out or just break up with her. Cheating is just retarded and just leads to more problems than the original problem, then you end off on bad terms. Not a win at all, and you feel like shit for it.
>>16780763
>being so thirsty that you can't handle a relationship without sex
This is why asexual masterrace
Same here. When my relationship was starting I wanted sexual things to happen slowly. Now, I'm lucky if I get it twice a week.
It's a real bummer. I enjoy orgasms, but I like him being inside me way more. It's like a connection. I barely get that, because I'm so horny, and just ask him to pound me.
And let's not forget my insecurities. I can flirt with any guy online or off and know I'm goodlooking. When it comes to him I get offended so easily. Today, we were making out and I was reaching for his dick and he stopped me. I thought this was a sign that he didn't want the action to continue so I got scared/sad/unhorny and stopped. He explained he was teasing me.
Maybe a couple of hours later I was grinding on him and stopped. He started yawning/groaning and complained about being tired. I went into an hour funk. He explained he was a bit tired (after the boner was gone), but wanted to continue the action.
I'm so scared I might make him uncomfortable and miss a chance of having sex that I devote my whole Saturday to him. Once, I didn't want to meet up for brunch and instead dinner. He apparently watched porn that morning and I didn't get any for a few days.
I had enough of this insecurity and asked him for an open relationship. I could get my jollies off, boost my confidence, and he could get more of an emotional aspect. This was a bad idea and he got really hurt.
Other than that I have no idea what to do, asking him for more or holding off my urges. I have no idea how to go about this. My mind simply just doesn't want to have sex anymore. My body always has other things in mind.
Now I'm just rambling and making myself sad.
