I've been hanging out with this coworker for a few months

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Anonymous
2016-02-05 23:52:35 Post No. 16773063
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Anonymous 2016-02-05 23:52:35 Post No. 16773063 [Report]

I've been hanging out with this coworker for a few months now and it's very clear we are attracted to each other. We have similar interests, hobbies, humor, etc and we see each other at every chance we get, often into the wee hours or when I know she has more important stuff to do. At parties she is right with me the whole time and clearly gets at least a little jealous when I talk to other girls. There was also a strange moment when a coworker thought we were dating and when he said he had told some other people so, she popped up going "I'm totally cool with that! 100%!" It's clear we are close and could be closer.

But...

She has the weirdest boyfriend situation I've come across lol. They both went to the same high school but only started dating when she left to move here from across the country. They've never lived together, and only see each other maybe once a year when she goes to visit him. That said, they talk every day on video chat and they've been doing this for 5+ years. She also talks about him all the time, although usually just to say she had told him something, not "omg I love my boyfriend to death all day". Apparently he was her crush all through school.

I love having her as my friend, but I do feel more strongly than that towards her, and I don't want to miss out on something that could be.

My question is this: How do I bring this up with her? I'm less concerned with embarrassing myself but more so with putting her in an awkward situation and feeling like we can't hang out because I'm creeping on her.

THANK YOU!

Also before someone tells me to just bang her, cheating/helping to cheat isn't my thing and she would not be into it either. Even if she did I know she would feel too much guilt for it to not be a problem down the road, so I don't want to start a relationship with her on that note.

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Anonymous 2016-02-05 23:55:26 Post No.16773074
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Anonymous 2016-02-05 23:55:26 Post No.16773074 [Report]

>>16773063
>How do I bring this up with her?
Are you sure you want to? Even if you she does break up with the guy to be with you, they will still be closer to each other and have history. This is the sort of situation where you're close, but you're not as close as they are. He will still be her best friend, the one she confides in, the one she runs to when you fight. She won't break off contact with this person.

Knowing all of the above, are you still wanting to proceed?

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Anonymous 2016-02-05 23:59:06 Post No.16773088
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Anonymous 2016-02-05 23:59:06 Post No.16773088 [Report]

>>16773063
>That said, they talk every day on video chat and they've been doing this for 5+ years. She also talks about him all the time, although usually just to say she had told him something, not "omg I love my boyfriend to death all day".
Also, as someone that had a successful long-distance relationship over a 5 year or so period, it's normal not to talk about your partner like that. When you've been together for a long time, you don't need to convince others that you're in love. You're just comfortably together and secure.

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Anonymous 2016-02-06 00:05:37 Post No.16773107
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Anonymous 2016-02-06 00:05:37 Post No.16773107 [Report]

>>16773074
That's a really good point. I am happy as things are now.

It seems that things are strained with her "friends back home". Apparently their relationship caused her to lose friends, and she associates them/that place with an overwhelming amount of drama. Part of me thinks she would want to burn that bridge and start anew over here, but I wouldn't want to be the cause of her losing all her friends.

I wish I knew more about their situation. She's told me they both acknowledge they will likely never live together, and she has said she doesn't want to marry him or anything, but they have been at this for so long I can't tell if she really means that and is just uncomfortable with letting go or if this is something more intense.

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Anonymous 2016-02-06 00:33:15 Post No.16773166
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Anonymous 2016-02-06 00:33:15 Post No.16773166 [Report]

>>16773088
True, I meant that of the times she has talked about him she's never really brought up what she likes about him other than that she thought he was attractive in high school. We've talked before about what she likes in guys and it just seemed to be left out, even to the level I've seen from other people in relationships. Just felt like a normal part of the conversation was never approached.